"It's been an emotional day," said the groom. "Even the cake is in tiers."
I rang the doctor on our way to the hospital, and said, "Quick! my pregnant wife is going into labor, what should I do?"
He said, "Is this her first child?"
I said, "Of course not, this is her husband!"
I made my mother's French sister angry
Now she's a cross aunt.
What do you call a mathematician's spouse?
Their significant figure.
How did the pot head propose to their spouse?
Marriage, You wanna?
Why did Comic Sans divorce Times New Roman? He just wasn’t her type.
Two pebbles washed up on the beach. One says to the other, "Are you married?"
Other replies, "No, I'm shingle."
I didn't want to believe my husband was robbing golf courses...
But I couldn't ignore the red flags!
Woman turned down the marriage proposal of a gardener. She wasn't ready to shear her life with him.
I just had a near-se* experience…
My whole wife flashed before my eyes.
My son was just born and another dad at the nursery congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday… said maybe they'll marry each other.
Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age!
What is the only American State that has ever been married?
Mrs. Ippi.
Daughter's boyfriend introduced himself to me and said "Hi sir I'm david, nice to meet you".
He put out his hand and I said "David are you nervous?" He said no, so I grabbed his hand looked him in the eyes and said...
"Then why are you shaking?"
My father and I were leaving our hotel room in Iraq and he almost forgot his suitcase.
I said "Don’t forget your Baghdad."
There are 2 unwritten rules for a successful marriage.
1: . 2: .
My daughter wants a horse...
But first we need a stable income.
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a philosopher?
An offer you can't understand.
I'm very proud of my family for owning such a musical property.
We live in A flat.
Why do you get less caviar out of a fish with nieces and nephews?
Because it's in a fish aunt.
I told my husband I'd missed the bus.
He asked me what I was trying to hit it with.
What does a grape do with his grandchildren?
He is raisin them.
Did you hear about the happy cannon balls?
They just got married and I hear they’re already expecting some BBs.
It’s going to be awkward if Mr. and Mrs. Burr...
ever lose their son Tim in a forest.
How do you get a farm girl to marry you?
First, a tractor.
Mr. and Mrs. Turner had a baby girl.
They named her Paige, and they just couldn't put her down.
Mr. and Mrs. Apostrophe are divorcing....
He found her to be possessive- and she hated his contractions. The marriage felt like a sentence
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank...
Was a monster!
What did the father ant said to his son when they moved to france from america?
"Son, we are now Europeants!"
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
I told my wife she drew her eyebrows too high...
She looked surprised.
A couple is in marriage counseling and the wife tells the therapist that the husband never buys her flowers.
The husband says...
"I didn’t even know she sold flowers!"
My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God, and I didn’t.
I won't let my daughter near ducks...
Due to their fowl language
My Karate teacher is getting a divorce.
He is a great Sensei, but he's not very skilled at the marital arts.
In my grandparents time, an orange was considered a treat from Santa. Now kids want an apple.
I want to ask my girlfriend to marry me, but first I must ask her father's permission...
I have to question the pop before I pop the question.
My wife said she wants me to consider purchasing a decent telescope for the family to use.
I told her I’d look into it.
I’ve decided to name my son Mark.
That way, when I die, I’ll be able to say I left a mark on this world.
They say marriage is like a workshop. Where the man works and the women shops.
My wife sent me an article about "sandpaper spouses..."
I told her she must be 2000 grit, 'cause she's FINE!
Did you know Father Time is actually really good at boxing?
Yeah, he can clock you a good one.
Why did the whisky divorce the glass?
Their marriage was on the rocks!
I just told my family a pun about bees.
It was so good that everyone gave me hive fives.
Karl Marx is an historically famous figure, but nobody ever mentions his sister...
Onya Marx, who invented the starting pistol.
My niece called my antisocial
I corrected her with "no, I'm uncle social" Then pointed to my sister and called her auntisocial.
Did you hear about the two spiders who just got engaged? I hear they met on the web."
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out identity theft is a crime
Just found out my cousin who had a stuttering problem died in prison
He didn't even finish his sentence
After 30 years of marriage, I can both proudly and firmly declare that I still wear the pants in my family...
My wife just tells me which ones to wear.
Why did the wife divorce the baker?
Because he was much too kneady.
Go to BabaMail
