My family isn't really into pancakes.
We're more of a Waffle House.
Did you hear about the notebook who married a pencil? She finally found Mr. Write.
I failed my Calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins.
It was hard to differentiate between them.
My three favorite things are eating my family
and not using commas.
My Karate teacher is getting a divorce.
He is a great Sensei, but he's not very skilled at the marital arts.
My friend told me, “Your wife and daughter look like twins!”
I said, “Well, they were separated at birth.”
My family is all worried about my addiction to dot to dot puzzles. It's OK though...
I know where to draw the line.
If the Hubble Telescope got married...
It would be called the Hubby Telescope.
Did you hear about the happy cannon balls?
They just got married and I hear they’re already expecting some BBs.
My sister had twins, a boy and a girl, and asked for help naming them.
She liked my suggestion of calling the girl Denise, but had second thoughts when I suggested calling the boy Danephew.
I'm very proud of my family for owning such a musical property.
We live in A flat.
I bought my missus an egg-beater for our wedding anniversary.
I knew she wanted me to whisk her away.
What did the mother airplane say to the child airplane when the child was acting rude?
"I've had it with your altitude"
My son was just born and another dad at the nursery congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday… said maybe they'll marry each other.
Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age!
I made my mother's French sister angry
Now she's a cross aunt.
They say marriage is like a workshop. Where the man works and the women shops.
There are 2 unwritten rules for a successful marriage.
1: . 2: .
If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....
and the second one Duplikate.
Why did the biology teacher and the physics teacher split up?
They had no chemistry!
After making love the other night, I told my husband that I love when the whispers sweet things in my ear...
So my hubby leaned in close and whispered... "Syrup."
Spouses are like world wars.
You never refer to them as the "first" until there's a second.
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti...
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta.
There are 3 rings in a failed marriage: engagement ring, wedding ring...
And suffering...
My wife and I have 3 beautiful children...
And 3 out of 5 ain't bad.
Just bought my wife a refrigerator, for our Anniversary:
Cannot wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
My sister prefers taking the stairs, but I always take the elevator. I guess...
we are raised differently.
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