Why did the pig want a divorce?
Her husband was a boar.
I didn't want to believe my husband was robbing golf courses...
But I couldn't ignore the red flags!
Did you hear about the notebook who married a pencil? She finally found Mr. Write.
We just bought our new dream house. As I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs?" I chuckled and replied, "Sweetie,"
"Stairs don't talk!"
Two florists recently got married.
It was an arranged marriage.
It’s going to be awkward if Mr. and Mrs. Burr...
ever lose their son Tim in a forest.
What is it called when two Irish couples go out on a date?
Dublin date.
How do you get a farm girl to marry you?
First, a tractor.
What’s the only thing divorce proves?
Whose mother was right in the first place.
Today I learned that Both Charles Darwin and Albert Einstein married their first cousins.
For both, it’s all relative.
Women should not have children after 34.
Really, 34 children are enough.
Karl Marx is an historically famous figure, but nobody ever mentions his sister...
Onya Marx, who invented the starting pistol.
There are 2 unwritten rules for a successful marriage.
1: . 2: .
I’ve decided to name my son Mark.
That way, when I die, I’ll be able to say I left a mark on this world.
My sister had twins, a boy and a girl, and asked for help naming them.
She liked my suggestion of calling the girl Denise, but had second thoughts when I suggested calling the boy Danephew.
Bruce Lee had a vegan brother,Broco Lee.
My birch of a wife just told me she wants a divorce. Says she’s tired of all of my tree puns.
My son was just born and another dad at the nursery congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday… said maybe they'll marry each other.
Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age!
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
What does a grape do with his grandchildren?
He is raisin them.
Today, my son asked, “Can I have a bookmark?”
I burst into tears. 12 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.
What do you call Mary J Blige’s accommodating Irish cousin?
Mary O’Blige.
I just had a near-se* experience…
My whole wife flashed before my eyes.
What did Mr. and Mrs. Citrus name their daughter?
Carolime
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna1, Anna2
What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his toe?
Mitosis!
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