If marriage is grand, what is divorce?
Ten grand!
I told my family this joke about a goat...
They said it was a baaaaad joke.
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti...
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta.
I booked an appointment at the orthopedist for my whole family.
We got joint problems.
A man called his twin brother from prison
“Hey remember when we were kids and use to finish each other’s sentences?”
A couple was in the forest painting on fallen trees.
They were following their counsellor’s orders to have a meaningful dye-a-log.
What do you call a fruit that cannot get married?
A cantelope.
My sister had twins, a boy and a girl, and asked for help naming them.
She liked my suggestion of calling the girl Denise, but had second thoughts when I suggested calling the boy Danephew.
I met your mother on a dating site.
I don't know, we just clicked.
My friend said that he eats more than his brother.
I was more concerned by the fact that he eats his brother.
Why did Comic Sans divorce Times New Roman? He just wasn’t her type.
Two candies had a beautiful wedding. They were truly mint to be
My wife said she wants me to consider purchasing a decent telescope for the family to use.
I told her I’d look into it.
What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his toe?
Mitosis!
What do you call Mary J Blige’s accommodating Irish cousin?
Mary O’Blige.
My three favorite things are eating my family
and not using commas.
My wife and I have 3 beautiful children...
And 3 out of 5 ain't bad.
I told my husband I was excited to see who's nose our baby has on the ultrasound.
He said, "He can't have my nose, I need it!"
I asked my husband to please press pause on the movie We were watching.
He called the dog over for the task, wanted to press his paws.
Can’t wait for the first married woman to walk on the red planet.
Just so I can ask if there’s wife on Mars.
A lot of people can't understand why Daniel Day Lewis's twin brother Daniel Night Lewis didn't make it in the movies.
That's because the difference between them is night and day.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
I made my mother's French sister angry
Now she's a cross aunt.
My wife said, "You act like a detective too much, I want to split up."
"Good idea!" I replied. "We can cover more ground that way!"
I want to ask my girlfriend to marry me, but first I must ask her father's permission...
I have to question the pop before I pop the question.
My twins give me chills, dehydration, fatigue, fever, loss of appetite, and extreme diarrhea.
Their names are Sam and Ella.
My father-in-law fell into a giant vat of sliced cabbage.
Now he's my father-in-slaw.
The therapist asked my wife why she wanted to end our marriage. She said she hated all the constant Star Wars puns. I look at the therapist and said, "Divorce is strong with this one"
The king and queen of the animal kingdom were having marriage trouble.
"You're a cheetah!" said one to the other. "Oh yeah?" she replied,
"You're a lion!"
I poisoned my wifes pita dip.
The police charged me with hummus-cide.
What do you call a mathematician's spouse?
Their significant figure.
What did the mother airplane say to the child airplane when the child was acting rude?
"I've had it with your altitude"
For generations every male in my family has made and passed on their dad jokes.
Guess you could call it pop culture.
My wife challenged me to a game of strip poker, but it turned out she just wanted to do laundry.
So I folded.
My fiance is kidding... She's due in 7 months!
What did Mr. and Mrs. Citrus name their daughter?
Carolime
Why did the pig want a divorce?
Her husband was a boar.
My wife always said she believes in abstaining from s*x before marriage...
The way things are going, I now think she meant her second marriage.
Woman turned down the marriage proposal of a gardener. She wasn't ready to shear her life with him.
What do you call a mosquito sitting on your spouse’s cheek?
A golden opportunity.
I told my son to go find out what "nada" means in english
But he came back with nothing
Did you hear about the notebook who married a pencil? She finally found Mr. Write.
What is the only American State that has ever been married?
Mrs. Ippi.
It’s been a few years since the invisible man married the invisible woman.
Their kids are nothing to look at.
What do you call your sibling’s daughter, who is famous?
Star anise
My friend just found out she will be giving birth to twins in 9 months!
For now, they're just cell mates.
Why do you get less caviar out of a fish with nieces and nephews?
Because it's in a fish aunt.
After making love the other night, I told my husband that I love when the whispers sweet things in my ear...
So my hubby leaned in close and whispered... "Syrup."
My wife and I have the same shoes. I guess you could say we are solemates.
Once a year, I take my family on a tour of various nuclear facilities.
While my kids like it, my wife says it’s just a power trip.
Go to BabaMail
