Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
My son asked me where the pan was.
I told him, naturally, it went on a wok.
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
How did Michael Jackson revolutionize cooking in space?
Moon Wok!
As my wife opened the cabinet, a coffee cup crashed on her head.
It's awful to see someone you love get mugged.
I just landed a job at a local Asian restaurant.
All I had to do was wok in for my interview!
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
What's the difference between chemistry and cooking
In chemistry you should never lick the spoon.
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
I tried smoking pot once.
I choked on the handle.
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
What did the astronaut see in his frying pan?
An Unidentified Frying Object.
If you missed essential tomato cooking class
You can’t ketchup.
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
My kids say my cooking is incredible...
with a silent 'cr'
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
I used to have an electric wok but I had to get rid of it
Wouldn’t run.
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
Did you hear about the dangerous alcoholic who consumed his booze from a sizzling Chinese frying pan?
He liked to drink risky on the woks
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
I decided to try growing pot...
So I buried a saucepan in my yard. I hear it takes no skillet all.
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
The guests were already at the door and we realized we forgot to make dessert. As a last-minute resort, my wife took the skillet, spread some frosting on it and said,
"Pancake".
Go to BabaMail
