Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
My kids say my cooking is incredible...
with a silent 'cr'
I have a high shelf in my kitchen to store meat. It’s safe to say...
The steaks are high.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
What did the cook say after making stir fry at a playground?
"It was a wok in the park."
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
How did Michael Jackson revolutionize cooking in space?
Moon Wok!
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
They were losing the battle, until they started chucking the tops of kitchen cupboards at the enemy.
It was a counter attack.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
I'm taking indian cooking classes, because
I'm just so curryous about it.
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
I left my job at the Chinese restaurant and took my favourite frying pan, until I heard the owner yell...
"Don’t wok away from me!"
I saw an Italian man cooking pasta with a flame thrower.
I cannoli imagine what he was thinking.
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
My wife asked, “Honey, could you reach that dish on the top shelf? It’s too high for me.”
It was a challenge, but I stepped up to the plate.
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
Did you know there are exactly 239 beans in Irish stew?
Any more and it would be two farty...
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
I used to have an electric wok but I had to get rid of it
Wouldn’t run.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
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