What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
I saw an Italian man cooking pasta with a flame thrower.
I cannoli imagine what he was thinking.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
Mark Knopfler is opening a Chinese restaurant
He's calling it Wok of Life.
I really hate straws.
They suck.
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
I bought this strange novelty baking pan shaped like Camelot.
I think I'll break it in by making a castlerole.
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
My son asked me where the pan was.
I told him, naturally, it went on a wok.
I'm taking indian cooking classes, because
I'm just so curryous about it.
I lost a cooking challenge once for not completing the dish.
I ran out of thyme.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
I tried smoking pot once.
I choked on the handle.
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
What's the best kind of pan to make sushi in?
Japan.
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
How is Europe like a frying pan?
It has Greece at the bottom.
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
How did Michael Jackson revolutionize cooking in space?
Moon Wok!
I have a phobia of using the wrong amounts of ingredients when I’m cooking
So I’ve been taking measures to deal with it.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
What's the difference between chemistry and cooking
In chemistry you should never lick the spoon.
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
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