What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
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