All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
I couldn't chair less!
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
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