What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
Nothing really mattress.
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.