What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
How did the kittens express their love for each other? In Holy Catrimony
What time do ladies drink wine?
At Wine O'Clock.
I went to my kid's school for an art exhibition
It was paper view.
Why did the dairy farmer go on a diet? She wanted to cheddar a few pounds!
If I ever find out the name of the surgeon who messed up my limb transplant, I’ll kill him…
With my bear hands.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
I started dating her when she backed her car into mine at the mall.
I guess you could say we totally met by accident.
What do athletes drink before games? Sport-Tea.
What did the rainbow say to the pot of gold? You'll be the end of me.
Why are geologists no fun at parties?
They like to be stone-cold sober.
What can you catch in the winter with your eyes closed?
A cold.
I'm trying to break the ice, but you just keep giving me the cold shoulder.
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
Why couldn’t the little girl ride the horse?
It was feeling bucky.
There’s a girl on my art course who never does any original work, she copies everything.
We call her Tracey.
What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? An eskimew!
What do you call a gorilla with no arms?
An ape-utee
How do you make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail and it will be de-lighted.
I bought a bunch of antique spears online, but they arrived without their spear heads.
I got shafted.
A classical musician bought a Stradivari violin
Now he is quite Baroque.
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
What does the parrot get at the end of a restaurant meal? The bill!
What did the oranges do after concluding the meeting?
They peeled the deal.
Sheena leads, Sheila needs.
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
Why are tigers said to be religious? Because they frequently prey with all their family members.
What do you get when an Elephant sits on an Orange?
Orange squash.
When does a joke become a Dad joke?
When it becomes fully groan.
"Doctor Doctor I feel like a supermarket"
How long have you been feeling like this?
"Since I was Lidl."
Today isn’t the day to be making jokes about the weather.
It’s snow joke.
Passenger: One ticket to New York, please.
Bus Driver: By way of Buffalo?
Passenger: No, by bus!
What does an anteater like on its pizza?
Ant-chovies.
Why can’t minerals ever lie?
They’re always in their pure form.
A truck with an entire load of strawberries has crashed on the motorway. It's caused a real traffic jam.
What did the waitress say to the customer who wanted free guacamole?
“You can kiss my Hass.“
What's red and has 7 dents in it?
Snow white's cherry!
What is a mouse’s favorite game?
Hide and squeak!
There is a rule that cats can shed hair on anything in the house… It is called fur-niture for a reason!
When potato chips don’t sell fast enough, the maker knows it will soon be crunch time.
Why don't mining towns have hospitals?
Because everyone there only ever suffers from minor injuries.
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort.
Did you see the guy with quad-arms play tennis? He has a great four-hand.
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
Luke Luck likes lakes.
Luke's duck likes lakes.
Luke Luck licks lakes.
Luck's duck licks lakes.
Duck takes licks in lakes Luke Luck likes.
Luke Luck takes licks in lakes duck likes.
How do bears keep their houses cool in summer?
Bear conditioning.
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
Why can’t a fish every play volleyball? They are afraid of the net.
Go to BabaMail
