Why was the artist in an argument? She wanted to have the final clay.
What does goblin's blood consist of?
Hemogoblin.
My Buddhist friend just gave me a “Nirvana” scented perfume.
It smells like Teen Spirit.
How does the cell phone call his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? He gives her a ring.
What did one water bottle ask the other water bottle?
Water you doing today?
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
Why did the leaf go to the doctor? It was feeling green!
How do you know if it's too hot in the chicken barn?
The chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
I eat a ton of corn everyday.
I guess that makes me a cornivore.
What's the difference between a sniper with Parkinson's Disease and a constipated owl?
One can shoot but can't hit...
What did the river ask the beaver? "Water you doing today?"
Why do pandas like old movies?
Because they’re in black and white.
What did the flower say after it told a joke?
I was pollen your leg
What do you feed the son of god? Cheeses of Nazareth.
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
Doctor, Doctor! I'm terrified of words that are also letters!
Oh you are? I see. Why?
Anybody who can complete tasks atop the surface of their lower kitchen cabinets is...
counter productive.
Kindly kittens knitting mittens keep kazooing in the king’s kitchen.
The weather's getting colder, I really fancy some hot croc-o-late.
What do you call two kangaroos who live together?
Roo-mates.
Why was the hard drive scared of the large file?
Because it was a terror-byte.
What does a hunter do with a basketball?
He shoots it.
The best part of astrology is reading your daily horror-scope.
What do dogs love to eat for breakfast?
woofles
Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree on me.
It was a hambush.
What did the tortilla chip say to the avocado?
“Well, this is guacward.”
"Happy Easter to all my peeps."
What did one sushi roll say to the other sushi roll?
I’m soy into you.
What is an owl who has been caught called?
A spotted owl.
Today I helped father-in-law to fix his plants
it was very grounding.
What kind of birthday cake do they serve in heaven?
Angel food cake.
One of my mother's friends asked if she could be a surrogate
I guess she was just looking for a womb for rent.
Why did the advertising tycoons hire a bunch of apes?
They were running a gorilla marketing campaign.
Never tell a taco a secret
It will spill the beans
How do you write a book about Bats? With a ghostwriter.
My friend was telling me about how a shark attacked her while she was diving
I told her, that bites.
Why did the T-Rex get a ticket? He ran through the stomp sign.
My father is a farmer who grows strawberries. However, his business has recently gone into liquidation after he made smoothies.
I had no one to help me when my computer and phone mutinied
I was left to my own devices.
The wind had such a great time. You could say it had a blast.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
What was the watermelon’s naughty pick-up line?
“Want to see my melons?”
Which soccer position does a Ghost play? Ghoulkeeper, of course.
When the unripe strawberry saw the ripe one, it was green with envy.
Shes a fairy realistic person.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
What do Snowmen call their offspring?
Chill-dren.
What dog does Dracula own?
A blood-hound.
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