Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
What drug is illegal in the ocean
Sea weed
I finally found out why flamingos sleep with one leg up! If they had both legs up they would fall over.
Don’t moss around.
If I made werewolf puns, they would be howl-arious.
I was watching a new cooking show where you only get to pick one pan to use the whole time…
It's called, "Do You Have The Skillet Takes?!"
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
How does santa get his Reindeer to fly? He uses Red Bull because it gives you wings!
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
What's a horse's favorite sport?
Stable tennis.
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
Did you know that the soldiers at Arlington salute their new Jack-o-Lanterns every Halloween?
They always honor the changing of the Gourd.
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his dessert?
Cause he was stuffed.
I'm so glad our Billy inherited his mother's intelligence
...and I got to keep mine.
What steps do you take when you see a tiger running towards you? Big ones!
How did the cheese professor start class every day?
Oh queso…
How do sick kangaroos get better?
They have a hoperation.
What's the wind's favourite colour?
Blew
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
Chefs earn a meager celery, cumin home beat they just want to read the pepper and spend thyme with the kids.
Flamingos are pretty good at ideas… They have a lot of experience with formation.
What does a panda use to cook his pancakes?
A pan duhhhh!
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
That crazy little sun of a beach.
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
Why did black chocolate cry over his wine glass?
Because it was his bitter half.
Where do monkeys go when they lose their tails?
To a retailer.
It is not really much about how you bowl, but instead how you roll.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Thanks for all the sediment.
I don't know what Dracula's address is, but I'm pretty sure he lives on a dead end street.
What did the beaver tell the tree? It has really been nice gnawing you.
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
What should you drink before you workout? Sweat-Tea.
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
At the Italian restaurant, the ghoul ordered spook-ghetti for his main course.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
What do flowers study in college?
STEM.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
What does Pooh Bear call his girl friend?
Hunny.
How does a koala get from one place to another? On a gondkoala.
What did the tiger say to her cub on his birthday?
It’s roar birthday!
I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory.
They told me I wasn't putting in enough shifts.
A slow poke is what you get when you cross a turtle with a porcupine.
Did you hear about the law firm with the most intimidating lawyers?
It’s filled with liti-gators.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
What family does Maiasaur belong to? I don't think any families in our neighborhood have one!
Why did the horse go to jail?
The prosecutors failed to show the burden of hoof.
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