What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
What do you call a dinosaur that got stuck in the rain?
A driplodocus.
What do you call Santa living at the South Pole? A lost clause.
Q: Why was the cherry by himself?
A: Because the banana split.
What’s the spiciest way to clean a horse?
With a curry comb.
What do you get when you sit under a cow?
A pat on the head.
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
If mom leaves her alphabet soup on the stove and forgets about it, it would spell disaster.
What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat?
A dirty kid!
What’s the National Donut Day theme song?
“Donut Stop Believing.”
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
What is a jack o lantern's favorite pick up line?
"Darling, you look GOURD-EOUS!!"
What did the ocean say when asked if he wanted to be friends with the beach?
“Shore!”
What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.
There was once a mountain biker who murdered everyone in his path because he was a clinical cycle-path!
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
Flight allows flamingos to stay safe from predators. This is natural selection in action, and explains why flaminstays are extinct.
Rain doesn’t fall. Raindrops.
And yes, gnomes are always trying to get to first base with the ladies.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
What do you call a duck with fangs?
Count Duckula.
What do you get if cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo?
A turtle-neck jumper.
What kind of fruit salad is most resistant to sunburn?
The kind with extra melon in.
What did the cat say when it saw something scary? That freaks meowt!
A hippie when his opponent disputes his calls: That’s pretty far-out, man!
Who is a beaver's most favorite pop singer ever? Justin Beaver.
Why was the parrot in prison? Because it was a jail-bird.
What do you call a werewolf that's found the cure for lycanthropy?
A lycan'tthrope.
After I helped a peach with some work, she said, "I really ap-peach-iate your help!"
Which side of a duck has the most feathers?
The outside.
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
Why did the man wear a rabbit as a hat? He didn’t want anyone to harm a Hare on his head!
I’m so lepre-gone right now.
Do you need some encourage-mint?
Donut even think about taking another donut!
The boy leaf confessed to the girl leaf that he was fall-ing in love with her.
How did the fruit get to Hawaii? The pineapple express.
How much does a corn flake weigh?
1 Kelloggram.
Why did the castle keep swearing?
It had turrets.
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
Whatever floats your goat.
Why did the music teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes.
4G, or not 4G, that is the question.
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