What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
Did you hear about the vultures who went to check-in for their flight at the airport? When the check-in agent asked them if they had any luggage to check, they replied, no we just have carri-on.
In the last peach race, I put $30 peach way on two new racers.
What do you call a parrot with an umbrella? Polly unsaturated.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
She stood on the balcony, inexplicably mimicking him hiccuping, and amicably welcoming him in.
Why couldn’t the equestrian find the carrots? They were down by the bay.
Who did the goats vote for as president?
Billy Clinton.
There’s a new dish out; it’s a cross between a cake and a bird. They call it a Flan-ingo.
My girlfriend made me one of those sculpted 3D cakes for my birthday but wouldn't stop reminding me how it took her all day to decorate it..
..which is surprising since to me it looked like a piece of cake.
Why are crows the safest flying birds?
They're the most CAWtious.
I’m never board when I’m at the pool.
What type of underwear does a yard wear?
Lawngerie.
Earlier today someone sent me a bunch of flowers, but all the heads had been cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
Why did the mouse eat a candle? For some light refreshment!
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day!
I am really broth-taking when I see the signer vomiting soup.
What do you call a group of crows flying over a couple?
A murder over love.
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
My mom said I have no sense of direction
So I packed my bags and right
I have a bone to pixie with you.
I have been trying to write a new pizza joke…
But I can’t work out the delivery.
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
How did the herpetologist know he would be married soon? He caught the garter snake.
What do hydras fear the most?
Dehydration!
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Did you hear about the flower who gave an ultimatum to her husband?
She told him once and floral.
What do you call a knight made entirely out of china?
Sir Ramic.
What do you get when you photocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
What did the large baby deer say when he met his favorite celebrity?
“I’m a big fawn!”
What do ghouls love to eat?
Fettuccini Afraid-o!
There was once a jolly happy mountain that offered fantastic advice to a grumpy hill. "Change your altitude", he said!
What kind of tropical fruit wants to visit the moon?
A Coco-naut
I always like to keep a jar of peanut butter in the car when I travel on a busy freeway ...
just in case there’s a traffic jam.
The insane amount of rainfall in Poland did not lead the river to flood, all was in Oder.
What is the 7th pin in bowling called? Mother-In-Law!
I need to take this picture for my instayam
I went to Taco Bell and order nacho fries
the person behind the counter wouldn't give them to me, just kept saying "nacho fries".
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
What's the article of winter clothing most appropriate for Valentine's Day?
's mitten.
Apparently Dracula sets up a password for every website so he can click on Your Account.
That raven is so stubborn at times, he just needs to crow up.
Playing the keyboard is...
my type of music.
What is a cyclops' favorite winter activity?
Sking. That's like skiing, but only with one eye.
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
What do two tomatoes do after not seeing each other for a long period of time?
They ketchup.
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.
Baa dum tssssss.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
Go to BabaMail
