I earned money by selling broth. Now I am a bouillonaire.
Boy: Oh I can't believe that Jesus is so sweet! Girl: Well that's because He's a life saver!
What happens when you’re alone and you get too cold.
You’re totally ice-olated.
What’s Another Name For iPhone Chargers?
Apple Juice.
Why do people like working at the Red Lobster?
It helps them get out of their shell.
What’s a ghoul’s favorite Beatles song?
The Ghoul on the Hill!
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
Why did the spider get on the computer?
To check his website.
When we were young, we had this myth that lightning bolts go all the way to cloud 9.
Why shouldn’t you shoot an alligator?
He’ll just bite the bullet and make the best of it.
What do your call a dinosaur with one eye? Eye-saur.
What type of a computer does a horse like to eat? A Macintosh
What does a mosquito say to greet his girlfriend?
"M'laria."
Wondering what crows prefer with soup, crows like crowtons in their soup.
What trees do ghouls like best?
Ceme-trees!
Where do crows go to get educated?
CAWlege
Who cleans all the mess created by beavers after their beach trip? Mer-maids.
This is snow laughing matter!
What online search engine do spooky monsters use?
Ghoulghoul.
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives
I replied, no, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.
What would Jerry McGuire have said if he was a flower?
You had me at hydrangea.
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
What did the fish say when he posted bail?
I’m off the hook!
What's the wind's favourite colour?
Blew
What would a potato say to a peach? – “You have a nice pit!”
When I tried taking a picture of my bread load, it came out grainy. I think that that is a common problem.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
What do rodents say when they play bingo?
‘Eyes down for a full mouse’!
Why are environmentalists bad at playing cards? They like to avoid the flush.
Why did the magician have to cancel his show? Because he just washed his hare and couldn’t do a thing with it.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
What’s green and mean and stabs you when you hug it?
Cactus
Do you know why the beaver was found guilty?
Because the prosecutor had damming evidence.
Which Nordique great has recurring ligament problems? Peter Spaz-knee!
"Back that glass up."
What did Tom get when he locked Jerry in the freezer? Mice cubes!
The painter wanted to feel the texture, so he buttered his toast with his fingers.
My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn't appeal to me.
A truck carrying thesauruses crashed on a motorway near my house. All the onlookers were startled, shocked, amazed, speechless and dumbfounded.
Don't ignite your friends from behind, even if it's just a prank.
It will back fire for sure.
Why did the corn farmer go to jail?
He was stalking someone in a field.
What do you call a human that's now a cactus?
A transplant.
Which fish can perform operations?
A Sturgeon.
When do monkeys fall from the sky?
During ape-ril showers.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
Keeping tropical fish in your home has a calming effect on the brain
because of the indoor fins.
Pennies and quarters rain from the sky
"Wow!" I say. "It's climate change!"
What did the monkey say when he cut off his tail?
It won’t be long now.
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
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