Why was the mouse afraid of the water?
Catfish.
What do you call a toddler running towards their mother with arms high up in the air?
A quick pick-me-up.
What do you do if you find a blue Ichthyosaur ? Cheer him up!
Why are football players not allowed in bowling alleys?
After getting a strike, they spike the ball.
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
What do you call a cow in a rooster costume? Roost beef.
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
What do you call the worlds tallest mosquito?
Himalarya.
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
Why can you tell that Theresa May failed physics?
She had power and time but didn't get the work done.
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
What is the best way to cook alligator meat? With a croc pot!
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time.
6:30 is hands down the best time on a clock
Why did the bank have the squirrel arrested?
He was foraging checks.
It's easier to prepare meals with this new cookware-wolf.
I heard they sent a beer into space, destined to leave the solar system. They called it Interstella Artois.
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
Why isn't the the koala a real bear? He doesn't have the right koalifications.
Why don't some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don't work out.
How does a crab go when it's right?
"Aw, snap!"
Don't get tide-up in sorrows, you will only cry a river.
Every girl is just like a pineapple: They both have many pointy defences, but they are still sweet and adorable.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
Dust is a disk's worst enemy.
Many people seem to believe that warm water droplets get cooled fast and form fog. It's a mist-conception. Someone should de-mist-ify it.
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
How did the witch invite the wizard to take an evening ride on her broomstick?
Voodoo like to ride with me?
Why didn't the mexican archer fire his bow?
Because he didn't habanero.
Why couldn't the little witch read her spellbook?
It was written in curse-ive.
My sister thinks that she is so intelligent. She says onion is the only food which makes her cry. That is the reason why I threw a pineapple at her face.
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
Which condiment is a mouse’s favourite?
Mouse-tard.
Why did the hawk sit on the church’s steeple?
It was a bird of pray.
What do you call a thirsty bee?
Beehydrated
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
What did the monkey say when he cut off his tail?
It won’t be long now.
How are a volleyball player and a carpenter similar? They both love to hammer spikes.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat?
‘Here Kitty, kitty, kitty’!
How does a bear get from one place to another?
On a bear-o-plane.
Last night I dreamt I was swimming in a sea of oranges. I guess it was just a Fanta-sea!
You’re the queen of my heart.
What do you call a bee who never brags?
A humble-bee
Did you hear about the cheese failed to medal at the olympics? It fell at the final curdle
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
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