Why do witches not wear a regular hat?
Because there's no point in it.
How do you know the moon is going broke?
It's down to its last quarter.
Most unicorns start off as poor hunters until they can really horn their skills.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
I’m not a bad putter…
I just can’t catch a break.
How do volleyball players deliver their messages? Through Air Mail.
Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?
The zebra. Because he has so many black belts.
What do you get when you cross a frog with a rabbit?
A bunny ribbit.
Life is brew-tiful!
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Who carries out operations in a river? A sturgeon.
I know birthdays get worse as you get older. But look at the bright side — not too many left now.
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen Pregnant? He forgot to wrap his whopper!
What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his toe?
Mitosis!
When alligators need energy, they just slug down some gator-ade.
I recently took a pole and found out 100% of the occupants were angry with me when their tent collapsed.
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of crime?
They just ransomware.
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
Therapist: You have acute marriage phobia. Do you understand the symptoms?
Me: Can’t say that I do.
Therapist: Exactly. That’s the main one.
And speaking of meloncholy, I heard that’s what you get when you cross a watermelon and broccoli.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
What kind of diet did the deer go on when she was trying to lose weight?
A non-deery diet.
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
What do you call an bat with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
So what did the Mother bee say to her misbehaving bee son
"Beehive!"
What does a meditating egg say?
Ohmmmmmmmlet.
What kind of birthday cake do they serve in heaven?
Angel food cake.
Why can't basketball players go on vacation?
They aren't allowed to travel.
Why couldn’t the little girl ride the horse?
It was feeling bucky.
What is a pink bird's favorite dance? Flamin-tango.
Do you know what the favourite soup of a ghost is? It is the Scream of Broccoli.
Knife and a fork bottle and a cork
that is the way you spell New York.
Chicken in the car and the car can go,
that is the way you spell Chicago.
How did the sheep farmer become best in his field?
Shear luck.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
What did the Endoplasmic Reticulum say to the Golgi. I like your body, and the Golgi said it's complex.
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
What's black and white and eats like a horse?
A zebra.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
What do you call two beautiful cat that sit together in the basin?
Purrfectly in sink.
What did the mathematician do at the baseball game?
Square root for the home team.
Just bought my wife a refrigerator, for our Anniversary:
Cannot wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
How much do you love rainbows? Just a skittle bit.
What do you call a cold crocodile in winter? A refrigerator.
Did you hear about the rich rabbit? He was a millionhare!
What do you call an existential lycanthrope?
A whywolf.
What did they give former Flyers left-winger Brian when he successfully
bulked up? Massive Propps.
What did the boy without hands get for his birthday?
Nobody knows, he hasn't got the package open yet.
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