If you were a triangle, you’d be acute one.
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
Sheena leads, Sheila needs.
I’m currently reading a book on anti-gravity and it’s impossible to put it down.
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
On Mother's Day we went strawberry picking and made a jam from the fruits of our labor.
What part of the brain deals with knowledge about plants?
The treefrontal cortex.
I heard that my neighbor, who loved dried fruit, has passed away. May his soul rest in peach.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?
A porky-pine.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
What is a blue whale’s favourite James Bond Film?
Licence to Krill.
Sun to Earth, on the night of 31st December:
"Let's have another round, shall we?"
Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. How many pickled peppers did Peter Piper pick?
When do monkeys fall from the sky?
During ape-ril showers.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
I would tell a time travel joke,
but you didn't like it.
"Personally, I like people who peach on time, and are always punctual," said the strawberry.
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
Birthday candles don’t exercise because they burn out too quickly!
I designed a dungeons and dragons weapon for wizards. It's a magical melee weapon shaped like a tome that uses intellect for damage instead of strength.
I call it "Book Club"
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
Why don't skeletons play baseball?
Because they don't have the heart for it.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
What do you call someone who steals from the keebler elves? A crook-ie
Why wasn't the bag boy allowed to work at the juice bar?
Because baggers cant be juicers.
Show your popcorn and coke guy at the movies a little appreciation. After all, he makes a lot of concessions.
Let’s take a leaf of faith.
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
When the AC circuits in your home are hit by a DC lightning bolt..
It's a current affair.
Why can't mermaids use the letters A or B?
They only know what's below C level.
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
Why did the orange lose the race?
“Because it got Im-peached.”
What did the phone say to the radio when they met for a date?
This is AUXhilarating
Summer is just floating by.
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
French guy goes into a bar with a frog on his head
The bartender asks “where’d you get that?” And the frog says “in France. There’s loads of them.”
What is in the middle of dinosaurs ? The letter "s"!
What do you call a Pig with three eyes?
Piiig.
Why was the slice of bread upset with her husband?
He told her she was being too kneady.
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
What did one deoxygenated blood cell say to the other?
We're all in vain.
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
Why did a pirate leave the boat to get his forgotten cell phone? Booty calls.
I’m in such a Henri to get to France!
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
Why couldn’t the dog fit in his clothes?
He was a little husky
What did the Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin
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