To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
What did the sushi say to the bee?
"Wasabee?"
Why did the pig go to the casino?
To play the slop machine!
"You're a real good egg."
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
How do the cool camels say hello?
"How you dune?"
What did the cornfield say when it heard rain coming?
That’s music to my ears!
What is the difference between a dirty bus stop, and a crab with breast implants?
Ones a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean!
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
The chicken farmer died under mysterious circumstances.
The police suspect fowl play.
Two bananas married without realising they were from the same tree.
They really split over it. It was a really slippery ordeal and peeled them apart.
What’s a tree’s favorite dating site?
Timber.
What’s a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!
What’s the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush?
One crushes boats and the other brushes coats!
What do German meat lovers breathe?
Hamburg-air
How do you greet a five-headed ghoul?
Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello!
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
What do the astronauts put on their lunch toast? Space jam.
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
I took my wife out on a date to the ice rink, as entry was half price.
She called me a cheap skate.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Why are beavers only found in freshwaters? Because they don't like stale water.
There's a basic difference between weather and climate: you can't weather a tree, but you can definitely climate.
Why do you cry, Willy?
Why do you cry?
Why, Willy?
Why, Willy?
Why, Willy? Why?
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
What is a tree’s favorite geometry shape? The treeangle.
I like you a latke!
I sued the airport authorities because they misplaced my belongings
I lost the case
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
What is a koala’s favorite soft drink? Koka-Koala, of course!
What's green and purple and goes up and down? Barney in an elevator.
What does Bigfoot say when he sees campers in sleeping bags?
- Yum, Hot Pockets!
What sound do 8 sheep make?
Octo-bah.
Did you hear about the guy who killed a group of catholic crows?
It was Mass murder
I was wondering why the Frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.
Eat, drink and be rosemary.
That alligator took great photos, he was a bit of a snapper.
Why was the little bear so spoiled?
Because its mother panda’d to its every whim!
Where do prehistoric reptiles like to go on vacation? To the dino-shore.
Why does the little mermaid wear sea shells?
Cause B-shells are too small, and D- shells are too big.
Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.
What do penguins sing at a birthday party?
Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow.
If you want to wish a 'Merry Christmas' to a strawberry, just say, "Straw-berry Christmas!'"
Snowmen decide on everything with a game of eeny, meeny, miny, snow.
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
Did you hear about the flower who joined Tinder?
He just wants somebudy to love.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
Stopped by a roadside stand that said lobster tails $2. I paid my $2 and he said...
Once upon a time there was this lobster...
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