Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
What did the man do when he dropped his violin?
He quartet...
When God integrated Planet Earth, he didn’t forget his integral calculus lesson.
He remembered to add the sea.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
What do you call a gray animal with big ears and a large trunk?
A traveling mouse.
What did one tidepool say to the other tidepool?
Show me your mussels!
What did the beaver say to the river? Meet me around the bend.
Why was the potato fired from his job at the football stadium?
He was a horrible commentater.
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
How did the mushroom end up on a vacation abroad? It was just a spore of the moment decision!
If you speak Hebrew and life gives you lemons...
You're an acidic Jew.
A book fell on my head. I can only blame my shelf.
What happened to the girl's phone when she was getting a perm done? She got a frizzy signal.
What do you get when you cross a tiger and a snowman? Frost-bite!
You octopi my thoughts.
A barber, a hairdresser, and Bigfoot walk into a bar...
You know what...I'm gonna shave this joke for another time.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
I hear you like wine, too. Grape minds think alike.
Why haven't the aliens visited earth yet?
They read the reviews... only one star.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
Why do the ladies love baseball?
Because diamonds are a girl's best friend.
The beaver offered some freshly streamed buns to his guests.
What does a turtle do during winter? Sit by the fire and worm himself up.
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
Here’s another one; what about an otter who lives in an emptied out melon? An ottermelon.
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz!
My family isn't really into pancakes.
We're more of a Waffle House.
What is the difference between pea soup and roast beef? Everyone would roast beef.
Where is a frog's favorite place to eat?
At IHOP.
What do you get when an Elephant sits on an Orange?
Orange squash.
How do you get a teddy bear across the border?
You snuggle it across.
Rebel without a Claus.
What is a pink bird's favorite dance? Flamin-tango.
Llama know if you don’t like these puns and alpaca my suitcase and leave!
What is the national fruit of Afghanistan?
Talibanana.
The good pony apologized to the tiger at the zoo for his sore throat, he said: "I am sorry, I am a little horse."
What is it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum?
A meltdown!
Why are pigs awful basketball players?
They hog the ball.
What's green and purple and goes up and down? Barney in an elevator.
When a planet dies, does it get an orbituary?
What did the tortilla chip say to the avocado when the dip bowl was empty?
“We’ve hit guac bottom!”
Ana hits a lot of floating shots that her opponents destroy for winners. We need to sitter down and have a talk.
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
What kind of car do bears drive?
Fur-aris.
I want to start a deer breeding business…
But first, I’m gonna need about 5,000 bucks.
Why should you never expect perfection from geologists?
Because they all have their faults.
Everyone was spot on, you really did make a great theatre lighting tech.
It’s the fawn of a new day! - said the deer happily after waking up.
just witnessed a chicken try to pick up a piece of corn for 5 minutes,
ImPeck-able.
Q: Why do the tiger not attack the farm?
A: He was a little bit sheepish.
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