When doesn’t a bull have horns?
When it’s a bullfrog.
The story of the chicken and cow running away together sounds like a cock and bull story to me.
Why do mice have long tails?
Well, they’d look silly with long hair!
What do you call a bear that’s stuck out in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
What do you get if you cross a new born snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.
What falls in the winter but never gets hurt?
Snow.
I highly encourage you to have more brain farts
It develops mental fartitude.
How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
What do time and space have in common with family?
It's all relative.
What do the astronauts put on their lunch toast? Space jam.
My friend was going to a painting competition, so I wished him, "Grey the force be with you".
Did you hear about the fellow who threw away his new iron skillet?
It smelt funny...
If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....
and the second one Duplikate.
If anyone has any advice for cosmetic surgery that’s gone terribly wrong...
My wife is all ears.
Q. What is a gorilla in a wheelchair called?
A. Dis-ape-led.
I’ve got a phobia of over-engineered buildings.
It’s a complex complex complex.
What do you call a group of killer whales carrying musical instruments.
An orca-stra.
I find you very a-peeling.
"You crack me up."
But would they be stoned by the goalie?
No, they'd smoke it right between the pipes!
Why do ice cream cones make such good journalists?
They always get a scoop.
What do you call Vietnamese animal doctors?
Vietnam Vets.
Our local winery recently starting using a flock of sheep to keep the grass from getting too long.
At least that's what I herd through the grapevine.
What do you call a baby monkey?
A chimp off the old block.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
My grandfather warned people that the Titanic would sink
*No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out of the movie theatre*
What did one hummus say to the other hummus
“Sabra.”
What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio? Cool Music
What’s the easiest way to stop a dog from digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel!
I ate an omelette for breakfast…
but I’m still feeling peckish.
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
What do you call a bullet proof Irishman?
Rick O'Shea.
I hope these Halloween puns don't drive you batty.
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
A baseball walks into a bar. The bartender throws him out.
My pet turtle died.
I'm not upset - just shell-shocked.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
The sun's favorite color is ultraviolet. Apparently, it glows with everything.
What do you call a well-dressed ant?
Eleg-ant.
What did the first century Christian say about the lion that killed his wife?
I'm Gladiator.
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
How does Moses make his coffee?
Hebrews it.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
How did the space criminal escape from the prison planet?
He achieved escape velocity.
What happened to the men who lost their lettuce?
I don't know, but apparently they lost their heads.
There’s a lot of debate over where the best place to punch a shark is.
Personally, I think it’s the sea.
What did the Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin
He came, he thawed, he conquered.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
Go to BabaMail
