What does a short sighted detective wear?
Suspectacles
Where do koalas go to settle legal matters? A kangaroo court!
What do you call a baker with a cold?
Coughee cake.
My father and I were leaving our hotel room in Iraq and he almost forgot his suitcase.
I said "Don’t forget your Baghdad."
What time does the Wicked Witch have her clocks set to?
Greenwitch Mean Time.
It's okay password...
...I'm insecure too...
I thought a thought.
But the thought I thought
Wasn’t the thought I thought I thought.
If the thought I thought I thought,
Had been the thought I thought,
I wouldn’t have thought I thought.
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
What sea creature never tells the truth
A lion fish.
I used to know two birds who excelled in ballet...
They were two toucans.
What did the dinosaur say when he saw the volcano explode? What a lavaly day!
A french farmer who owned an olive plantation had a huge fire
He was extremely sad, he had lost his all his huile d'olive.
Bad saxophone players should be put on some kind of public list.
I want to know if I'm living next to a registered sax offender.
Every time when I see a picture of something amazing in space, I usually say “That’s totally far out.”
There's a criminal who lives at the end of the rainbow, who likes to trick people. He is called the lepre-con artist.
What do you get when you combine a kangaroo with a donkey?
A Kick-Ass
Don't get too close to a vampire, they have a serious case of bat breath.
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
The old and wise onion had once told me that life is similar to onions. Whenever we peel off our protective layers, we end up crying.
I was at a bar and heard a band playing a Queen cover. I asked them what the name of their band was. They are called the Champignons my friend.
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only 2. They'll fit.
Tony the tiger ate both of my grandmother's parents.
Tearfully, I asked him why. He just looked at me and said, "They're GREAT!"
I went to the zoo the other day and saw an alligator that will only eat finely chopped food.
It was an alligrator.
How did the gambler know his hand would stink?
Because he was holding deuces.
How many volleyball referees do you need to screw in a light bulb? None because they are always in the dark.
My cat kept jumping onto my desk.
I had to put him down.
"What an egg-citing day."
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
What's a ghost's favorite makeup to wear? Mas-scare-a!
What did the cactus wear with their suit?
A cactie.
What should you do if you find a dinosaur in your bed ? Find somewhere else to sleep!
Today I learned that mosquitoes love type-B blood.
Oops. sorry, type-O.
'what's the Wifi password?'
'Its for security'
'Haha, yes, I know that. But what's the password?'.
'No, it's 'forsecurity'. All one word, lower case.'.
After a tiring day at work, my wife drew me a relaxing bath. It wasn't very smart of me to ask if it was going to be in color or a sketch.
What do horses like to put on their egg salad sandwiches?
MayoNAYS!
Goldilocks was killed last night.
The killers did it with their own bear hands.
Did you hear about the artist's really messy house? He said it was 'a work in progress'.
What did the beaver say to the other beaver? I love you like no otter.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck.
What do you get if you cross a frog with a ferry?
A hoppercraft.
Where are neurons put in jail when they commit a crime?
A nerve cell.
I tried asking some beavers to help me build my house. They didn’t give a dam.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
Q: Did you hear about the cherry that liked to explode?
A: It was da’ bomb.
When does a hot dog have a close shave? At the barber-cue!
I need more soap puns!
Because all the good ones keep slipping through my fingers.
The toilets at an AMF are known as the boweling alleys.
I like to reminisce about the surgeon who removed my spine.
Really takes me back.
Go to BabaMail
