When winter comes, this town turns into an iceburg.
Why did the cow go right up to the spaceship? To see the Mooooooooooon.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
My physics professor told me I had potential
Then he pushed me off the roof.
What holds the sun up in the sky?
Sunbeams
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
Why did people stop going to the ghoul hospital?
They kept coming out dead!
What did the nurse at the blood bank say to the nervous patient?
B positive
What does a grape do with his grandchildren?
He is raisin them.
What is a nerdy alligator’s favorite programming language?
Jaw-va.
You will always have
a pizza of my heart.
How do berries start off the fruity olympics? They cherry the Olympic torch around the globe.
Sleeping is so easy
I can do it with my eyes closed.
What's the wind's favourite colour?
Blew
Why do donuts make terrible teachers?
They’re always glazing over the important stuff.
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
Q: Which U.S. state do tigers like the most?
A: Maine.
A knife tried out for Varsity football.
It didn't make the cut.
How does Santa capture photos? With his North Pole-oroid.
What did Hillary Clinton say when Bill wanted a new Saxophone?
"Not until you get rid of that HarMonica."
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber screams, “Don’t change the subject!"
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
What do pigs learn in the army? Ham to ham combat.
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
What do you call Tyrannosaurus rex when it wears a cowboy hat and boots ? Tyrannosaurus tex!
How do you describe an onion which is in its early stages after birth? You say it is in its onion-ic period of its life.
How do sheep greet each other during the holidays? Fleece Navidad!
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
I’ve never understood fog machines.
They mystify me to this day.
Dracula is vegan, he can't take any risks. One stake could kill him.
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
What type of films should players watch to improve their shot? Slap stick.
What did Homer Simpson say when he saw a female deer?
“Doe!”
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Marriage, it has a nice ring to it.
My two cats had a fight today.
They soon hissed and made up though.
Mark Knopfler is opening a Chinese restaurant
He's calling it Wok of Life.
What did one beaver say to the other at the river? Dam it.
In Italy there is a group pf moms creating soft cheese...
They brand themselves as MOMzarella.
What did the gold say to the pyrite?
You’re a fool and a fake!
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
What is a chillin' banana's favorite song?
Mellow Yellow!
"I'm dyeing to know what's up."
I used to play triangle in a reggae band but I had to give it up. It was just one ting after another.
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
What did the nerdy duckling say ?
Quark Quark.
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