What kind of music are balloons afraid of? Pop Music.
"Are you sure about this?"
"Crust me, I'm on a roll."
Why don’t koalas like fast food? Because it’s too hard for them to catch.
Zebras usually hold strong opinions. They are very black and white creatures.
What is good at maths and related to a crocodile?
A calcu-gator
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
How do ghouls like their meals?
Runny!
Why did the scientist use a drink container to communicate with dolphins?
Because a bottle knows dolphin.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
Witch you were here.
What does a mom of a football fan hate the most?
A messi room.
I would have gone to space, but the cost is astronomical!
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
What did the steak say to his girlfriend? You're the apple of my rib-eye!
The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick....
She still isn't talking to me.
I am disappointed that you are taking such a closed-stance on my footwork advice.
When I moved into my new igloo my friends threw me a surprise house-warming party.
Now I'm homeless.
RIP boiled water.
You will be mist.
I wasn’t sure if I ordered enough tacos from Taco Bell.
So I got a just in quesadilla.
Let’s take a leaf of faith.
A truck with an entire load of strawberries has crashed on the motorway. It's caused a real traffic jam.
What do you call the worlds tallest mosquito?
Himalarya.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
I got tear-free soap in my eye.
It hurts like heck but at least I’m not crying.
Where do pepperonis go on vacation?
The Leaning Tower of Pizza.
What beer does everyone at the orphanage drink?
Foster's.
Why does Valentine's Day never work in Africa?
All the lion cheetahs.
What's more important, shampoo or conditioner?
Is it the foamer or the lather?
Will the Red Wings be able to replace their venerable captain Steve? No, because
when it comes to hockey smarts there is no Yzer man.
Need an ark?
I noah guy.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
Where do horses get their weaves from?
Mane.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz!
What group of cheese has been known to fly? Curds of prey!
Why did the Ghosts win the soccer match? They scored more Ghouls.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
A lot of people can't understand why Daniel Day Lewis's twin brother Daniel Night Lewis didn't make it in the movies.
That's because the difference between them is night and day.
Why did the hawk sit on the church’s steeple?
It was a bird of pray.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
I “lub” you.
I feel thankful for having you as my gym buddy and lover.
Our relationship is really working out.
Why did the volleyball players like to practice in the library? Their coach said that they’d be doing some reading today.
Vampires make awful businessmen. They just can't deal with the stakeholders.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
When you cross a wolf and Fred Astaire, you get dances with wolves.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
Why did the telecommuter lose his job? He had to many hang ups.
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