What can a whole apple do that half an apple can't do? It can look round.
What did 2 tell 3 when he saw 6 acting like an idiot?
Don’t worry about him. He’s just a product of our times.
What is an owl who has been caught called?
A spotted owl.
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
What do you call a group of whale musicians?
An orca-stra.
What did the little piglet want from the swine?
A piggyback ride home.
What’s a vampire’s favorite cocktail?
A Bloody Mary.
What did the llama say when the other llama asked if they wanted to go on holiday?
Alpaca suitcase.
What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
Why did the football coach attempt to destroy the vending machine?
Cuz it wouldn't give him his quarterback.
How do bats tell their future? They read their horrorscope.
There’s an old oak near my house that’s always surrounded by fog.
I don’t know why, it’s a mist tree.
What do you call an oriental cheese? Parm-asian
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade; when life gives you apples, make physics equations.
(Looking at you Newton).
What kind of ant is good at math?
An account-ant.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was ahead while the tomato tried to ketchup.
Who is the first farmer to walk on the moon?
Neil Farmstrong.
How will you come to know when the moon will go broke? It would happen when moon is down to its last quarter.
If you need to share out your to-do list, just be a dele-gator.
What do you call a clever ant?
Brilli-ant.
What do you call a snowman in July?
A puddle.
The guy who invented the door knocker got a no-bell prize.
What did the cow who barged the other cow say?
Moo-ve!
I hear Jake finally broke up with his crazy grocer girlfriend; never could tell water problem was.
What's a Koalas favorite drink? Coca Koala!
What did the Psychologist tell the geologist? "Every decline is a great Break Through"
I didn’t know you could vape a chocolate bar until my wife told me to stop inhaling them.
What do you get if cross a frog with some mist?
Kermit the Fog.
Why did the origami artist win her court case? She was great at doing the paperwork.
What kind of turkey grows on a tree? Poultry.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
AYE, MATEY!
I just flew on a plane with an all female flight crew.
It was an....unmanned aircraft.
Why did the guy kill the fly?
It was bugging him.
Why was the orange skeptical of everyone around him?
He was planted with a seed of doubt.
Who did Prince Mushroom fall in love with at the royal ball? - Chanterella!
Changed all my passwords to Kenny.
Now all I have are Kenny Loggins.
What am I? A tea bag you dirty minded human...
Why didn't the kids eat their soup? Because they're stew peed.
What is a Ghost’s favourite treat? Ice-scream floats.
What’s the opposite of Himalayan salt?
Herastandin pepper.
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
Which musical group did Frankenstein not like at all?
The Village People.
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
I used to own a rabbit, but now he’s just some bunny that I used to know.
Bee warned.
Bee puns really sting.
Snow thank you.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
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