In an attempt to deter computer hackers I've changed all my passwords to 'Brazil Nut'
That will be a hard one to crack.
What do chickens grow on?
Eggplants.
A teacher asks the class to name six mammals that you might find in Africa. One of the pupils replies, “five zebras and a lion”.
What do you need to know to teach a dinosaur tricks? More than the dinosaur.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar.
They take their seat and ask the bartender for two draft beers.
The bartender looks at them and says “sorry guys, we don’t serve breakfast here.”
What happened to the men who lost their lettuce?
I don't know, but apparently they lost their heads.
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
The young woman decided to become a professional baker. She realized that it could help her earn her bread and butter.
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
What do you call a gorilla with no arms?
An ape-utee
We bee-long together.
The skeleton didn't mind that everyone called him a bonehead.
I tried to play a bass guitar once.
It didn't make much sound, and it slipped out of my hands and swam away.
What do stylish frogs wear?
Jumpsuits.
This eye pun couldn't be any cornea.
Why did the blonde throw her favorite doll on the grill? She thought it was a Barbie-Q.
Volleyball is air affair. This would be a good motto for your team.
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
My pet seal was getting a bit old and wrinkly
...so I bought a seal iron
Everyone wondered why Cinderella was such a bad player. If only they knew, her coach was a pumpkin.
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
Q: What is a peach’s favorite book?
A: War and Peach
Did you hear about the battery and the volleyball who got into a fight? The volleyball is waiting to go to church and the battery was charged.
What happens when and ice cube gets angry?
It boils with anger, then lets off some steam.
What did one maggot say to the other who was stuck in an apple? Worm your way out of that one, then!
Why is the world so diverse?
Because it contains alkynes of people.
How do you know a flmaingo has stolen your shoes?
Only one shoe is missing.
Where did the kittens go on a school field trip? To the mewseum
Why are skeletons so good at telling jokes?
Because they have a funny bone.
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
While the blues musician performed his most famous song, balloons of every color were released in the arena. Guess we may get to call it the 'House of Hues'.
What do ghosts use to keep their hair in place? Scare-spray!
Why are beavers so good in maths? They love log'arithms.
What did the female dinosaur call her blouse making business? Try Sara's Tops
What do you get if you cross a baseball pitcher and a carpet?
A throw rug.
Authorities have been trying to figure out how the Worcestershire sauce truck spilled...
But it's hard to say...
There is nothing impaws-sible if you’re as brave as a tiger!
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
Where do you send turtles who commit crimes?
To the shell-block.
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
Easter dinner was great today
We made sure it had all the crucifixins'.
What will you call two quizzers having a date in spain comic con?
Spanish con-quiz-daters.
What was the skeleton’s favorite Christmas candy?
Bone-bone.
What do bats say to vampires?
“You suck!”
Why did they take Polly away?
He went crackers!
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