Some cherry puns are just pit-i-ful.
What’s a skeletons favorite wrestling event?
A rib cage match.
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
Why should you never marry someone that likes collecting weird coins?
They have no common cents.
You're my purr-son.
You can never make a crumble with just 3.14 strawberries because that would make a pi.
What’s black and white, black and white, and black and white?
A penguin rolling down a hill.
What do you call a dinosaur that drinks curry? A Mega-sore-arse.
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
I told my kids that ketchup can go on anything.
You know, It’s the least condiment denominator.
I just flew on a plane with an all female flight crew.
It was an....unmanned aircraft.
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
Why would the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch.
Why did the worm leave the Apple?
Because Noah said to travel in pairs
In this day and age of technological breakthroughs, we surely can’t be far from a country song where a guy’s self-driving truck leaves him too.
What do you call a otter that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
My hypochondriac brother just told me he thinks he's got a brain tumor.
I told him not to worry, it's probably all in his head.
In order to get an accurate count of the herd, the farmer uses a cow-culator.
I ordered the wrong kind of flowers online for Valentines Day.
Oops e-daisies.
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
A trip to Ireland is quite a cliffhanger.
What kind of donuts fly? Plain ones!
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left.
The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right.
The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
If you're Russian when you go to the bathroom, and you're Finnish when you come out of it, what are you when you're inside?
European!
What holiday do we celebrate in May to remember all the mothers we lost in the past year?
Momorial Day
The navy is now taking dogs along on their submarines
They're subwoofers
The insane amount of rainfall in Poland did not lead the river to flood, all was in Oder.
Why was the skeleton stupid?
He was a numskull.
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, do you believe in love at first sight, or should I go around this chairlift again?
Did you hear about those really bad storms that hit that boy scout camp over night?
They were in tents.
What did the woman say when she escaped Dracula’s clutches?
- Better luck necks time!
A friend of mine is his team's best footballer on paper. Unfortunately, they play most of their games on grass.
The stage is the most hygienic place in the world. Every time we turn on the lights they get a wash.
Best in snow.
What did the police arrest the hospital patient for?
He was under cardiac arrest.
My friend couldn’t pay his water bill anymore.
I sent him a Get Well Soon card.
She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.
Before I became a dad, I was terrified I wouldn't know how to be a good one. Oddly enough, it turns out, it's in my blood - I come from a long line of fathers.
Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day?
Real rocks are too heavy.
What type of weapon can you make with potassium, iron and nickel? A KniFe.
Why were Native Americans in America first?
They had reservations.
Why did the pig go to the casino?
To play the slop machine!
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was too tired..
What clothes do rainbows wear? Thunderpants.
What kind of milk do people drink in Mexico? Soy milk.
Why was the food critic fired?
They didn't reference their sauces
No, I'm not concerned about crows infesting my house...
It's actually just a mynah problem.
Why was the horse sad she didn’t get the job?
She was flanking on it.
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