The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
What did the sushi say to the bee?
"Wasabee?"
A friend of mine has a mobile phone shaped like an Italian dumpling. It's a gnocchia.
Who is Medusa’s cheesy cousin?
Gorgon Zola
What does a skeleton play in a band?
A Trom-Bone.
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
I had a dream the ocean was filled with orange soda
It was a Fanta sea.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
When I woke up from my accident, I was shocked when the doctors told me I broke all my fingers.
It was hard to grasp.
What do u get from a perverted apple? Hard Cider.
What do you call someone with Yellow hair on the beach?
A beach blond.
Where is a flamingo’s favourite place to dance? The hop, of course!
Just had Lobster Bisque for the first time!
It was souper good!
Flamingos are great at social events; they flamingle really well.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
I used to randomly steal beverages off people...
I stopped when I realized it wasn't my cup of tea
Why wasn't King Kong able to climb to the top of the Empire State Building?
He couldn't quite fit in the elevator.
Why are glow worms good to carry in your bag? They can lighten your load.
What do citrus fruits use to get dates?
Pickup limes.
Q. What do you call the stench that comes from antlered roadkill?
A. A foul o-deer.
What do you call an alligator that’s a very skilled conversationalist?
A dialogator.
What did one horse say to the other after he said he wanted to drop out?
That’s an equestionable decision.
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano?
I really lava you!
What is the lesser-known sport used to measure a horse’s singing ability?
Carol racing.
I saw a pun on chocolate bars but it wasn’t that fun
So I just snickered.
What do you call a light-headed elephant?
An ele-faint.
What do you do with a green ghoul?
Wait until it ripens!
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
What did the perverted pumpkin use for his pick-up line?
Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
Started reading a book called “The Pirate’s Wrist”
I’m hooked.
My friend impresses girls by drawing realistic pictures of trucks. He's a pickup artist!
What happens when a duck flies upside down?
It quacks up
What do you call a pony running in a circle? Centrifugal horse.
A crow invited his buddies over to hang out but they didn’t show up.
He was charged with attempted murder.
What did Michael Jackson say to his chess opponent?
“It don’t matter if you’re black or white.”
I like New York, unique New York, I like unique New York.
What is a cat’s favorite movie? The Sound of Mew-sic.
How do cows intake water?
by Osmoosis.
How does herpes get out of the hospital ?
On crotches.
My wife asked me to pass her lip balm.
I gave her superglue instead.
She's still not talking to me.
What do they call the fairy in the Mexican version of Peter Pan?
Taco Bell.
Why are skeletons so good at chopping down trees?
They're LUMBARjacks!
What do you call a lineup of food with lots of garlicky dishes?
Buffet the Vampire Slayer!
Did you hear about the lazy flower who finally got his act together?
He just needed a kick in the bud.
Q: What is a peach’s favorite book?
A: War and Peach
Because they got turtle recall, turtles never forget.
What’s a goat’s favorite TV show?
America’s Goat Talent.
How do you get a one-armed monkey out of a tree?
Wave to it.
I heard someone broke out of prison using a sheep
I didn’t believe it until I saw the news and he was on the lamb.
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