What's green and swims in the sea?
Moby Pickle.
What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?
Strawberries.
What’s the best time to eat a peach while watching a NASCAR race? During the pit stop!
How did the swim team manage to pay for new pool renovations?
They pool-ed their resources!
At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms, reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
What did the Psychologist tell the geologist? "Every decline is a great Break Through"
It’s the most wonderful time of the beer.
What did the woman say when she escaped Dracula’s clutches?
- Better luck necks time!
Not to brag, but I already have a date for Valentines Day.
February 14th.
What do you call a guy with an ear fetish.
Hard for hearing.
What did the baby corn call his dad?
Pop corn!
The summer sun makes me as happy as a clam at high tide.
I bought my missus an egg-beater for our wedding anniversary.
I knew she wanted me to whisk her away.
How do sick kangaroos get better?
They have a hoperation.
Why does a little cherry always look up to its parents? It tries to follow in their fruitsteps.
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
What type of person doesn’t like pizza?
A weir-dough.
What does someone mean by a light year? The same as a regular year, but with less calories and fat.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
My fiance is kidding... She's due in 7 months!
What did the beaver say to the river? You can run but can't tide.
What's brown, lumpy, and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven's Last Movement
How do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks
If coloured caterpillars could change their colours constantly could they keep their coloured coat coloured properly?
Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?
Because they might peel.
I heard the local flasher was due to retire.
But hes decided to stick it out for another year.
What sort of ball doesn’t bounce?
A snowball!
Let’s take an elfie.
What did one raindrop say to the other raindrop?
“My plop is bigger than your plop.”
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
What do you call a dinosaurs fart? "A blast from the past"
What is a flamingo's favorite ride at a theme park? The flamingo-karts.
Why did the donut start going to therapy? It couldn’t get over the feeling that something was missing — it never felt hole!
One of my friends got lost while touring Tokyo. Turns out it was all Ja-plan.
What do you call a reindeer ghost? A cari-boo!
What do you call a cherry that is hard as nails? Tough as old fruits.
Taco Bell overcooked my food
I asked for a brrrr-ito and an en-chill-ata.
How will you make the earth clean? By giving it a meteor shower.
The story of the chicken and cow running away together sounds like a cock and bull story to me.
This rainbow is on its last legs, it's really hanging by a red.
I wanted to do the dishes and wasn’t sure where I put the dish soap.
Then it Dawned on me.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
Saw my dad outside with a tv antenna on his head
When I asked him why, he said he was trying to get more in tune with nature.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
Who is the most famous actor in Greece ?
John Travolta.
Big Foot has been spotted throwing tantrums and talking back to his parents.
No wonder they call him the Sassquatch.
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