What happens to Germans when they eat too many lemons?
They become sour krauts.
Potatoes have skin. I have skin. Ergo, I am a potato
“I found this humerus” is the perfect Halloween pun for boneheads.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
My wireless keyboard isn't working
I guess I need to re-pair it.
Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time too.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
What are pig criminals known for? Pigpockets.
It's a nice night for a white rice fight.
What do you call a bear without any teeth?
A gummy bear.
Yally Bally had a jolly golliwog. Feeling folly, Yally Bally Bought his jolly golli' a dollie made of holly! The golli', feeling jolly, named the holly dollie, Polly. So Yally Bally's jolly golli's holly dollie Polly's also jolly!
How does a Snowman get to work?
By icicle.
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
A student had a heart attack when she saw the grade on her exam
She passed.
What did the deer say to his funny friend? You’re deer-larious!
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
I put some salt on my mobile. Now it’s a saxaphone.
A cued peach visual communication system is used with people suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?
A strawberry who is a thief is called a rob-berry
"Over-easy like Sunday morning."
Why should the Sun get into a school? To get brighter.
What is the best thing to do if you notice a gorilla is sitting at your desk?
Find another place to sit.
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
Why are goats from France musical?
Because they have French horns.
When I went to my favorite Irish cafe after years, I felt deja brew all over again.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong? Mistaken bacon.
“Did you hear the forecast for Christmas Eve? They’re calling for rain, dear!”
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
I wanted to catch a squirrel but I didn't know how.
So I decided to climb a tree and act like a nut.
How do you make a glow worm happy? Cut off his tail, he'll be de-lighted.
I love the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies They smell just like burned toast
Ringo, John snd George walked into an electric guitar shop...
They were less Paul.
Did you hear about the happy cannon balls?
They just got married and I hear they’re already expecting some BBs.
How will you make a baby astronaut fall asleep peacefully? Rock-et.
What did the Mexican wrestler say after he ate a taco that was too spicy?
“It’s okay, I’ll just guac it off”
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
Mommy, Mommy, what’s a werewolf?
Don’t worry about that honey and comb your face!
I’ve loved my vacation in France, but it’s time to Hugo.
What it is it called if you refuse to go running today?
Resistance Training!
Did you know that you only need two letters to spell Panda?
You just need P and A.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
What should you name a crow with soft down feathers? Microwsoft.
The coddled superstar sat in the seats with the fans instead of on the bench
with the team; for this, ironically enough, he was accused of grandstanding!
Ghosts make the best cheerleaders. They have lots of spirit!
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
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