Why don't bananas snore? Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
How do you write a book about Bats? With a ghostwriter.
What do you call a rabbit who is angry over getting burnt? A hot cross bunny.
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.
Anything is popsicle during summer!
"Come follow me and I will make you a Fischer of men."
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
These thousand tricky tongue twisters trip thrillingly off the tongue.
I’m never board when I’m at the pool.
What's brown, lumpy, and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven's Last Movement
What do you do with dead geologists?
You barium.
What does a millennial cowboy say?
Yeet Haw!
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
Prisoner: "I’m sorry I tried to escape."
Guard: "I’m not mad, just… disappointed."
Remember, kids, never let your guard down.
Who is Frosty’s favorite Aunt?
Aunt Artica!
Are you a drum? Because my heart beats for you.
What do you call a steak hurtling through space? A meat-ior!
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
Did you hear about the ocean and sea having a baby?
It was a buoy!
What was the shark’s favorite Tim Burton film?
Edward Scissorfins.
Historians have discovered a new Greek God who didn’t excel at anything.
His name was mediocretese.
What did the parmesan say when it broke up with the mozzarella?
Sorry but I am too mature for you.
Husband: "These pears a perfect right now."
Me: "Would you say they're 'pear-fect'?"
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"
Why does Bigfoot only leave footprints behind?
Sasquatch doesn't litter in the great outdoors.
What did one hat say to the other on the hiking trip?
I'll wait here, you go on ahead.
What’s the difference between a horse and wet weather?
One reigns up and the other rains down.
What did the Inuit say to to Englishman After he wanted some seal?
"I've got Nunavut."
We’ve made a jig mistake, don’t you a-green?
When is a car like a frog?
When it's being toad.
How did the ponies stay in touch?
C-horse-pondence.
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad to see me?
The peach was late for work because it had to make some pit stops on the way.
Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.
What did the duck eat for snack?
Salted Quackers.
What do fish and women have in common? They both stop shaking their tale after you catch them!
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
What did the deer order to drink at the bar?
Ice cold deer.
Did you hear about the extremely serious gorilla?
He didn't monkey around.
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
What would a tiger running a Xerox machine in the back of a store be called? A copycat.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
I was talking to this guy about how I hate geometry. You know what he said to me.
You just have to look at it from a different angle.
What does an anteater like on its pizza?
Ant-chovies.
Why shouldn’t you iron a four-leaved clover?
You don’t want to press your luck.
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
Go to BabaMail
