What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
Thank you for helping me. Biscuit’s the yeast I could do.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
What is the capital of Greece?
G.
Q: What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up?
A: It blossoms
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
Dad, do you like baked apples? Yes son, why? The orchard's on fire.
How do mares keep track of their boyfriends?
A stud book.
Why did the Russian vaccine cross the road?
To get to the other side effects.
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
I got invited to a costume party, so I went as a turtle.
I had a shell of a time.
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
"You focaccia bag, crumb back and get it."
Why was the basketball court so slippery?
Because all the players were dribbling on it.
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
What did parietal say to frontal?
"I lobe you."
Why was the slice of bread upset with her husband?
He told her she was being too kneady.
Never marry an archaeologist!
They're always digging up the past.
When darkness sets in, fungi much like many other organisms go to sleep, but in mush-rooms.
What falls all the time and never gets hurt? Rain.
I had a goat’s cheese pizza the other day.
He wasn’t happy.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
Farmers were in an all out war to decide which vegetable they would plant
It was resolved with a Peas Treaty.
When one tree asked another how it was doing in November, it replied, "I am pine!"
Q: Why did the fruit stop for some time while driving?
A: It wanted to make a quick pit-stop
I dressed up as a jousting lance for Halloween, but nobody got it.
I thought it was pretty straight forward.
What do you call an important English snake?
Sir Pent.
What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk? Dirty looks from the mouse!
Q: Why are tigers religious?
A: Because they prey frequently, and prey as a family!
What do you call an avocado after a priest blesses it?
Holy guacamole.
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
What do you call it when all your mother's sisters gather at a funeral to avenge your death?
Vigil aunties.
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
Where did Vegans come from?
Hummus Sapiens
What do emo birds call their mouths?
Bleaks.
Why did the artist have to go to the bathroom right away? Because when you gotta Van Gogh, you gotta Van Gogh.
If Stu chews shoes, should Stu choose the shoes he chews?
What do you get when you cross an alligator and a crocodile.
A funeral.
The soup was busy and preoccupied. He was stewing over something his friend said.
Take a page from the book and leaf.
To get with the times, Grammar Nazi's have changed their name.
They now prefer to go by Alt-writists.
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?"
Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
Rebel without a Claus.
Why don’t vampire’s make good artists?
Because all they draw is blood.
How do bats tell their future?
They read their horrors-cope.
An astronaut broke up with his girlfriend
Apparently he didn't love her to the moon and back.
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
What kind of tests are witches given in school?
Hex-aminations.
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