When we spill soup on the comic book, we will get soup-erman.
Why did Tarzan spend so much time on the golf course?
He was perfecting his swing
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
I tried to come up with a funny theatre joke, but it was all just an act.
“PMS jokes aren’t funny; period.”
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
Vegans really have a beef with meat.
Why are sponges and brains similar?
They both like to soak up "material"
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
What is a grammar vampire's least favourite drink?
Type-O.
What did mama bread say to her kids?
It’s way past your breadtime!
Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
He heard the referee calling fowls.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
What is a blue whale’s favourite James Bond Film?
Licence to Krill.
What do rabbits like to sing? “Every bunny was kung fu fighting.”
I taught a dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
We went from Barking to Tooting in 20 minutes!
Hey summer, long time no sea!
You are aged to perfection.
I don't usually brag about my drum jokes but um...
tss
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
What does a dinosaur call a porcupine? A toothbrush.
Why are bananas never lonely?
Because they hang around in bunches.
What’s the difference between a crow and a chicken?
A chicken can crow, but a crow can’t chicken.
Lightning never strikes coffee in its bean form.
Only when it's ground.
"What an egg-citing day."
Not all math puns are bad.
Just sum.
Who was the fastest runner in the race?
Adam, because he was first in the human race.
What do you get if you cross a pigeon and a parrot? Voicemail!
"I'm dyeing to know what's up."
Why did the man get so sad his computer had a virus?
It was a terminal illness.
Why did the cow and the bull become so close? Because they became beef-friends.
"That was a howling adventure!" said the werewolf to the zombie.
Why would the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
Witches get sore joints because they have broom-atism.
My friend gave birth in the car on the way to the hospital
Her husband named the kid Carson.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
Why did the squirrel take apart the classic car?
To get down to the nuts and bolts.
Tennis is a lot like waiting tables. The most important thing to get right is the first serve.
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
So, if I heat my solid state hard drive until it becomes a gaseous state hard drive
Would that mean I'm doing cloud computing?
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
I need more soap puns!
Because all the good ones keep slipping through my fingers.
Why was the mosquito sad on christmas?
It was a bah hum bug.
I went to Taco Bell and order nacho fries
the person behind the counter wouldn't give them to me, just kept saying "nacho fries".
Why did Saint Patrick drive the snakes out of Ireland?
They were causing mass hiss-teria!
What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
How does a car express love to another?
‘I a door you.’
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