What’s the National Donut Day theme song?
“Donut Stop Believing.”
My orchestra buddy wanted to bring his fiddle to a protest. I told him not to.
In a peaceful protest, there's no need for violins.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A group of crows is usually called a 'murder.' Technically, it's only a manslaughter unless there is probable caws.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said
"You know, one would have been enough."
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
The beauty with bowling is that you can get three strikes, but you still remain in the game.
The snow leopard appeared just at the time our guide predicted it. It appeared white on time!
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
A sheep, an idiot, and a snake walk into a bar.
Baaaa dumb hisssssss.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
Q. Why did the gorilla cross the road?
A. To get to the monkey biz on the other side.
What do you call a melon that commits a crime?
“A water-fellon!”
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
Dogs can't operate an MRI machine, but Catscan.
What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
My wife says she’s leaving me because she thinks I’m too obsessed with astronomy.
What planet is she on?!
A little girl is having a tea party with her teddy bear.
"Would you like anything to eat Mr. Bear?" she asks.
"No thanks, I'm stuffed."
What does a deer call a hunter?
“Doe foes.”
What did you call an awesome geologist? A rockstar!
What was the conversation like at the dinner party with all the boring flowers?
Like pollen teeth.
My mother's mother lost her false teeth at the retirement home. We searched the place everywhere but couldn't find them.
We looked in every nook and granny!
What do you call a monkey in a minefield?
A baboom.
I came across an injured flamingo the other day. I tried to help, but luckily it was already receiving medical tweetment.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Last time I was in France I wanted to ask a question about strawberries
But I wasn't sure how to fraise it.
I walked into my sister's room and tripped on a bra... It was a booby trap.
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
We’re mint to be.
How does the spinal cord hammer a nail into a wall?
With a series of spinal taps.
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
I just dropped my phone in the bath
Now it's syncing.
I hate spring cleaning.
Darn things bounce all over the place.
What did the river ask the beaver? "Water you doing today?"
If a wine connoisseur is called a sommelier then a perfume connoisseur should be called a smellier.
What's the best part about the end of Halloween?
Putting the skeletons back in the closet!
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
What's worse than a giraffe with a sore throat? A Diplodocus with a sore throat!
Reading is a novel idea.
Why did the baseball team recruit a tiny ghost?
Because they needed a little team spirit.
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
Have you ever tried crossing a lion with a flamingo? It will be pink, that’s the mane thing.
Basketball is the only sport where the basket is filled but never gets full.
My theater group is writing a sci-fi thriller about classical musicians.
I'll be Bach.
Rebel without a Claus.
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
What’s a Movers favorite football team?
The Packers!
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