Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
Why did the computer wear glasses?
To improve its web sight.
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?
Winnie the PU!
What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?
Port whine!
Where did Vegans come from?
Hummus Sapiens
Flamingos are pretty good at ideas… They have a lot of experience with formation.
What's a frog's favorite game?
Croak-et.
How rude-olf of you.
What do you call a bear without any teeth?
A gummy bear.
What's the difference between Hummus and Humus?
"mmmm"
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
What is the only animal smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee!
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
Who is a Penguin’s favorite pop star?
Seal.
In the Camel Kingdom, the king and his family live in the Camelot castle.
What did the lighter color shade tell to its dark lover?
I want hue
The ocean made me salty.
How does a mushroom decorate a home? With toadstools.
Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history
Is that Genealogy or Geology?
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
How do penguins make a decision?
Flipper coin.
What do all French cars come with as standard?
A spare wheel of cheese.
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
I told the person who was playing my trumpet,
To stop pushing my buttons.
Q. What did the Aussie zookeeper say to the gorilla who was spying on him?
A. There's no need to pry, mate.
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
A strawberry who is a thief is called a rob-berry
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
When I was young, my dad used to throw quarters at my head whenever I acted up.
He said, “Maybe this’ll knock some scents into you.”
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
Why did the woman go outdoors with her purse open?
Because she expected some change in the weather.
the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?
My pizza jokes can’t be topped!
What do you call a snowman party?
A snowball.
I had lunch once with a chess player at a restaurant with checked tablecloths. It took him 3 hours to pass me the salt.
When the ghost blew his nose, lots of boo-gers came out.
What did Homer Simpson say when he saw a female deer?
“Doe!”
What did the axon terminal say to the receptor when they broke up?
I need my space.
What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
What did the water in the fire truck say when it came to a sudden stop?
I'm baffled.
What would a pineapple say to a pineapple pie? You have some crust.
Scientists have genetically modified a Venus Fly Trap to have the skin of a cactus
They say its bark is worse than its bite.
Why don't aliens get hungry after being blasted into space?
Because they've just had a big launch.
What happens when a neurotransmitter falls in love with a receptor?
You get a binding relationship.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
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