Did you know that camels can last longer without water than se*?
They can go three weeks without water, but can't go a day without a hump.
What happened when the monster's football game was all tied up?
They went into ogre time.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
What do you call a murder where the perp runs away on a bicycle?
A drive bike shooting
What is the study of real estate? Homology
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
What do you call a broke santa? Give up yet? It's Saint-NICKEL-LESS.
I heard Placebo on the radio. I actually thought it was The Cure.
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.
Where do werewolves hate shopping?
The flea market.
What country do cows love to visit?
Moo Zealand.
What did the dog say when he had a bad day?
Today has been ruff.
Q: Why do windmills love loud, heavy rock music?
A: They’re metal fans.
I love you a tot!
When my father complained to my mother for never picking or dropping me at school, she looked at him and said, "You are the master of drag and drop, my love". He's an IT specialist...
Q: What do you call it when it rains chickens and ducks?
A: Fowl weather.
The perfect description of a bowling game is one where there is plenty of room at the top, but no room to lie down.
What do you call a perfect submarine?
Sub-optimal.
The skeleton was scared of going skiing, he didn’t want to wrist it.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
All farts...are laughing gas.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
I wondered why flamingos were so strong, so I did a little research. Turns out they do a lot of eggs-er-cise.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
Q: What anime series do fruits like to watch?
A: One peach.
What do you get when you cross a Tambourine with a Submarine?
The Salvation Navy
Ya know, I was supposed to be a doctor.
But I just didn’t have the patience.
Don’t be hay-tin on autumn!
Woman turned down the marriage proposal of a gardener. She wasn't ready to shear her life with him.
Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice? It said concentrate.
What's the best advice to give to a young baseball player?
If you don't suceed at first, try second base.
Why didn’t the skull go to the dentist?
It was too-th late.
Feeling fintastic.
How do flamingos clean themselves? They flaminget a shower.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
Snow thank you.
I used to make extra money by selling illegal tennis equipment on the side, but I was approached by some thugs who told me to stop.
I guess they control the Tennis Racket around here.
I don't mind leg day at the gym.
It's just the two days after that I can't stand.
A spider, a snake, and a kangaroo walk into a bar…
It’s a normal day in Australia.
A beaver goes into a bar and sees a man standing behind the bar and asks him...
"Excuse me sir. Is the bar tender here?"
What is a pink bird's favorite kind of dance? Flamenco.
My computer is so slow it's running in the '90s.
What do rabbits like to sing? “Every bunny was kung fu fighting.”
Last night I dreamt I was swimming in a sea of oranges. I guess it was just a Fanta-sea!
Why did the banana go out with a prune?
Because he couldn't find a date.
When does a skeleton laugh?
When someone tickles his funny bone.
How was the first giraffe made?
Chuck Norris uppercut a horse.
What is the only thing that can cure a sick do-nut?
An antidought!
Despite his puns being so orange-inal, nobody really likes them.
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