How do you make holy water?
Make sure to boil the hell out of it.
What did one sushi roll say to the other sushi roll?
I’m soy into you.
Why couldn't anyone see the flamingo? It was in de skies.
Did you hear the one about the watermelon pirate who went to the Caribbean? Must have desperately wanted to catch some arrgh and arrgh.
How did the swim team manage to pay for new pool renovations?
They pool-ed their resources!
What did the ghost buy at the bar? Boos!
Last evening I walked up the hill in the park to see the planets. Stumbled over a lip in the concrete and went down pretty hard. Ripped pants and skinned hands and knees. When I got to the top I couldn't see a thing.
The view was NOT worth the trip.
Cherries are the worst soft fruits to watch scary movies with. They spend the whole time hiding behind a cushion as they are cherrified.
The garden where only white cars are driven can be called a garden of white carnation.
Salty but sweet.
What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Pacific Ocean? Nothing, oceans don't talk they just wave!
Why was the teenager deer a bad driver?
He didn’t want to use the deering wheel.
What do you call it when you get a month’s worth of rain at once?
England.
A famous turtle is called a shell-ebrity.
What kind of hotdogs do ghouls like best?
Halloweiners!
Pack your trunks – we’re having a pool party!
How do French skeletons say hello?
- Bone-jour!
I don't know where I put my queen after the last chess game.
Maybe she's lost I need to check.
What do you call a pig thats wrong? Mistaken bacon.
I took my dog's bone away from him.
She was fur-rious.
If Messier retires he's sure to be moosed.
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
Where was Solomon’s temple located?
On the side of his head.
What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend? A Payday
I hate scuba diving.
It was the lowest moment of my life.
How do recreational league baseball players stay so cool?
They sit among their fans.
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
To the person who stole my glasses...
I will find you... I have good contacts!
To the person who stole my coffee, my lamp, and my parrot…
I don’t know how you sleep at night.
What kind of car do fancy horses drive?
Mustangs.
What is a sharks favorite kinda sandwich?
Peanut butter and jellyfish!
What kind of chocolate do ghouls like?
Hearse-sheys!
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
What did the dinosaur say when he saw the volcano explode? What a lavaly day!
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
Where do horses go to the bathroom?
The bathroom stall-ion.
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
What do you get when you cross a cow with a wolf?
An animal that mooed at the full moon.
Which fish can perform operations? A Sturgeon!
Where do most horses work for their first job?
Re-tail stores.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
Which is a Ghost’s favourite cheese? Ghoul-da Cheese.
What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A tea party.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
What kind of cheese do alcoholics eat?
Livarot.
My family wanted me to cut the grass, but I couldn't get myself mow-tivated.
The crowd had filled up the venue and everyone was waiting for the bowling alley to open. Finally, they got the ball rolling.
What made the dinosaur's car stop ? A flat Tire-annosaurus!
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
Go to BabaMail
