What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
I didn't know WiFi stood for Wireless Fidelity.
I guess I just didn't get the connection.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
What do you call unwanted revealing comments about a movie?
Spoilers.
Be careful, too many birthdays can kill you!
What kind of music do frogs listen to?
Hip hop.
How does a Pegasus ask her boyfriend to propose?
She says “You’ve got to put a wing on it.”
My Dermatologist was fired today...
He made too many rash decisions.
what do doctors use to draw blood?
A needle?
No, a red crayon!
Why should you live a pineapple life? Because Life is sweet.
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
What color socks do bears wear?
They don’t wear socks, they have bear feet.
How do cows intake water?
by Osmoosis.
What’s the easiest shot in golf?
Your fourth putt.
I visited Spain and couldn't stop looking at the architecture
It was very Moorish.
You mermake me happy.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan?
You take away their little brooms
What did the cat say when he ate the clownfish? This tastes a little funny!
I'm trying to think of a weather pun, but my mind's kinda cloudy now.
Why did the pineapple’s phone die? It needed juice.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
When you want to propose to a person who loves strawberries, just say, "I love you berry much."
How does Bigfoot stay in shape?
It does Sas-squats.
What do volleyball players watch during their free time? They watch Spike TV.
My shampoo bottle was empty. I turned to the only other bottle in the shower and said, "help me body wash...
You're my only soap!"
All the turtles wore turtle necks to the party.
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
A ship load of red paint crashed into a ship load of blue paint. The crews were marooned.
Why are plants the best chefs?
They’re succulent.
Why did the sloth get fired from his job?
He would only do the bear minimum.
What do you call a dinosaur who is elected to Congress? Rep. Tile!
Why don't you want to sleep in the sheep pen?
It would be total bedlam!!
Did you hear about the gorilla with a screw loose?
He needed to use a money wrench to tighten it.
Someone just stole some grass from my garden.
Strange I know, thought robbers stuck to their own turf.
Can I have your last avocado?
Avocadon’t you dare.
What do you call a skeleton who goes to school but doesn’t do any work?
Lazy bones.
Pack your trunks – we’re having a pool party!
Thanks to you, I’m saddled with unnecessary peelings.
There are many grounds religious children can practice their soccer skills. However, most of them love the prayground.
What do you call a cute donut?
A-dough-able.
Happy Valentine's day.
Such a Lovely day.
You were mauled by a gang of squirrels. You want to sue them but no lawyer wants to take your case. Why?
They think you are nuts.
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
What's white on the outside, green on the inside and comes with relish and onions?
A hot frog.
What do you call a strong pumpkin?
A Jacked-o-Lantern.
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all.
What is a ghost’s favorite carnival ride? The rollerghoster.
"I whip my hare back and forth."
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