I aorta tell you how much I love you.
How do you fix a broken pizza?
With tomato paste.
What do Krakens eat?
Fish and ships.
A friend of mine swallowed some food colouring. He feels he dyed a little inside.
What do you call a communist violin?
The second Fidel.
What color sheet did the ghost wear on the 4th of July? Red, white, and boo.
I went into my art lesson covered in yeast and flour...
My teacher said, I'm the perfect roll model.
Are these pants too tight in the Balzac?
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
What martial art do monkeys practice?
Flung Poo.
Why wasn't the geologist hungry? He lost his apatite.
Did you just hear that perfume bottle talk?
I think it's becoming scentient.
Love at frost sight!
Which barnyard animal is a famous painter?
Vincent Van Goat
Why did the American student spend his year in European brothels?
To study a broad.
During the contribution’s session, the mushroom family never gave a lot. They were just two spore.
How did the mother know her child would become a neuroanatomist?
He was constantly staining stuff.
I just beat my friend in a Wild West themed art race!
I was quicker to the draw.
Flamingos can get away with the most outrageous behaviour and you’d never know that they were embarrassed. This is because you can never tell when they are blushing.
What is a werewolf’s favorite tree?
A lu-pine.
What happened when the pun misbehaved in school?
He was pun-alized with detention!
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
Round and round the rugged rock the ragged rascal ran.
The bottom of the butter bucket is the buttered bucket bottom.
What sea creature never tells the truth
A lion fish.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you going to let me in?.
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
The river turned out to be a great party guy because he just went with the flow.
What do you call a crazy blood-sucking parasite?
A lunatick!
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
Why did the fisherman start doing drugs?
Pier pressure.
What does a flower say when they’re surprised?
What in carnation!
On a recent flight, my friend asked me, "If the door suddenly opens, you think we will fall out?
I said, "No, we will still be friends."
What is a brain's favorite kind of boat?
A cranial blood vessel.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
When I first started playing chess, I thought the castle could move diagonally.
Classic rook-y mistake.
Do you know how long dinosaurs should be fed? Exactly the same as short dinosaurs!
Suzie Seaword's fish-sauce shop sells unsifted thistles for thistle-sifters to sift.
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
What does a cat wear to stop smelling? Antipurrspirant!
Irish food is legen-dairy.
How did the skeleton bring his groceries home from the market?
He used his Cart-ilage.
Why did the strawberry get bruised? Because it was under pear pressure.
In every corny joke,
There is a kernel of truth.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
In a romantic date, Romeo says to Juliette “Baby! You are the pineapple of my eyes!”
I bought a bunny because everyone needs a friend who is all ears.
What do you call a Mexican bear with a rubber toe?
Robearto.
Do you know why a pineapple can be a good observer? Because it has a lot of eyes around its body.
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