Do hairless goats wish they had mohair?
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
What do you call someone with Yellow hair on the beach?
A beach blond.
She has high elf-esteem.
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
What do goats eat?
Goatmeal.
My father and I were leaving our hotel room in Iraq and he almost forgot his suitcase.
I said "Don’t forget your Baghdad."
This may be corny, but you are a-maize-ing.
What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter? Ketch-up! Why did the blonde put a sweater on her hot dog? Because she wanted a chili dog.
The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
Why did the orange go out with a prune? He couldn’t find a date.
What did Beethoven say to Johann Sebastian when he was helping him parallel park?
“Bach it up.”
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
My dad just told be a cool joke about drums
I thought I’d snare it with you guys
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs.
Did you see the display of still-life art? It was not at all moving.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
It’s common for people with heartbreaks to crumble.
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
What animal has more lives than a cat? A frog … because he croaks every night!
Have you read the book about hands? It’s a real page turner.
Why was the doctor so paranoid?
He worked in the ICU.
I hate scuba diving.
It was the lowest moment of my life.
So yesterday I saw a bottle of ketchup steal a bottle of mustard
'Twas saucepicious
My family isn't really into pancakes.
We're more of a Waffle House.
What’s a horse’s favorite animated movie?
Bolt.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
What became of the pig who got fired from his job? He became canned ham.
What did the banana do when he saw a monkey? The banana split!
What would you call a familiar scent?
Nose-talgic.
Where in the World Can You Find the Highest Concentration of Engineers?
Antarctica! Because that's where all the P. Enguins are!
What is a car’s preferred TV program?
The Driving Dead.
The coddled superstar sat in the seats with the fans instead of on the bench
with the team; for this, ironically enough, he was accused of grandstanding!
Why did the telecommuter quit her job? Because talk is cheap.
What's the difference between a person that just won the lottery and a fairy in salt water?
One is tickled pink, the other is a pickled Tink.
When does a Koala go "moo"? When it is learning a new language!
What did the bat complain about?
Flying with such frequency was exhausting.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
Why couldn't the little witch read her spellbook?
It was written in curse-ive.
What would you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers!
What did the teaching tree do when it went overseas? It took a leaf of absence!
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
Why are lemons safer than limes?
There’s no such thing as lemon’s disease.
What was stolen from the music store? The lute.
Are you a taco?
Cause you sure taco lot
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
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