What do bees use to build roads? Nec-tar.
Whatever you do this summer, be sure to make a splash.
What does a lady in a mall do with a cheesey credit card? Go on a shopping brie.
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
What kind of pet fish did the skeleton have?
A bonefish.
I’ve decided to name my son Mark.
That way, when I die, I’ll be able to say I left a mark on this world.
What animal can go into a tiger’s den and came out alive?
The tiger.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
If you encounter a sea monster, you better get Kraken!
It doesn't matter if my wife tells me Im not mature
Im not going to let her enter my tree house without the right password.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
What did the llama say when he was invited to the picnic?
Alpaca lunch.
Ya know, I was supposed to be a doctor.
But I just didn’t have the patience.
When an unripe strawberry saw the ripe strawberry, it went green with envy.
There's no need to cherry your feelings, I know you love me really.
I know a guy who absolutely loves his pet Parrot.
He is Polly-Amorous.
What did the pony say to the Jedi Knight before she left on her adventure?
“May the horse be with you.”
Why was the cat kicked out of the game? They thought she was a cheetah.
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
It's a nice night for a white rice fight.
What did the newspaper say to the ice cream? What's the scoop
Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Kevin Bacon
I always find artists romantic because when they love you, they do it with all their art.
Q. Why was the gorilla's jungle party so lame?
A. Because theyran out of chimps and dip.
Many gardeners suffer from hay fever. Isn’t that news a pollen?
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
What's red and invisible? No tomatoes.
What do you call a stoned, dyslexic crow?
A hybrid
One of my friends who hates crows, looked at a flock of crows, I saw murder in his eyes.
What did the clean dog say to the dirty dog?
Long time no flea.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
It's Taco Night, so on my way home, I grabbed a bag of shredded cheese at the store, queso we needed some more.
.
What do you get when you cross a parrot and a shark?
A bird that talks your ears off.
Six sick hicks nick six slick bricks with picks and sticks.
How did Reese eat her ice cream? Witherspoon.
What happened when a bat misbehaved in night school?
She got suspended.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
I’m soy
into you.
Witches get so excited to decorate their cauldron because their favorite hobby is witchcraft.
What does a runner lose after winning the race?
His breath.
What did the eye witness say about the camel who was using the bushes as a lavatory?
I saw the hump take a dump in a clump
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
What type of films should players watch to improve their shot? Slap stick.
What do you get when you cross a tortoise and a llama?
A turtle-neck sweater.
Which trophy has the most glitz? The Lady Bling.
My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
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