"You're totally scrambling my brain."
What is the proper name for the ghost of a buffalo?
A booffalo.
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
Do you know what kind of stock to use when making neotropical near-passerine bird soup?
Doesnt matter, as long as you put Toucans in.
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? Chicken Caesar Salad
My buddy asked me "if you could kill anyone in history, who would it be?"
I said I probably wouldn't kill anyone in history, but Pete in math is bloody annoying sometimes.
I once had a conversation with a dolphin.
We just clicked.
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium? He just couldn't put it down.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
What was the turkey suspected of? Fowl play.
What does one vampire say to another before bed?
- I hope you have a fang-tastic day!
I wondered why flamingos were so strong, so I did a little research. Turns out they do a lot of eggs-er-cise.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing it just waved.
I'm reading a book about metal fasteners.
Riveting stuff.
What did the father buffalo say to his son when he left to school ?
Bison.
What do birds like to put in their soup? Crow-tons.
You know, I didn't kiss my wife until I was married...
because she wasn't my wife until we were married.
Challah if you see me in the streets. Will do.
What is the difference between a ball hog and time?
Time passes.
Finally, the soccer ball decided to quit the team. The reason behind its move was that it was tied of being kicked around.
Why did the college football team stop smoking
They lost all their matches.
What do you call a food stamp inside of a burrito? An otter fortune cookie
I told my wife I wanted to name our son Lance, but she said it was too uncommon so I explained that in medieval times men where named Lance a lot.
Why did the viper, viper nose?
Because the adder, adder hankerchief.
What do you call an alligator who kills bugs all day long?
A fumigator.
Yet again, someone has added more soil to my allotment. The plot thickens…
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
Why didn’t the teddy bear eat his lunch?
Because he was stuffed.
What do you call a bee that makes a milk?
Boo-bee
What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?
Spare ribs.
Plain popcorn? You can do butter than that.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
Nurse: You can come by at 6 today. Very little patients today.
Man: What happened to the normal sized patients?
What did one cactus say to the other cactus ?
"Lookin sharp !"
I warned farmer Brown not to pamper that cow too much because it would wind up giving spoiled milk.
Having a ball this weekend with my best friends
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
Have your elf a merry little Christmas.
What does a horse call its treats?
My greatest preakness.
Where do the cool horses live?
In rad-docks.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
I told my wife she drew her eyebrows too high...
She looked surprised.
All stereos are so typical.
The wolf really needed to talk with the skeleton because he had a bone to pick with him.
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
I threw a fuzzy peach at my doctor's head and he said "that's not assault that's a sugar."
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
Icy what you did there!
What are the two most profane bones in the human body?
The blasfemurs.
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