Why do people in Greece not wake up until noon?
Because Dawn is tough on greece.
Would you rather kiss a shark or a jellyfish?
A jellyfish. That’s a no-brainer.
Whale, whale, whale, what do we have here?
Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time too.
If fish is a type of brain food, then dumb people probably love eating noodle soup.
This vacation has been sand-sational!
What is a lion’s favourite cheese?
Roarquefort
What do you get if you cross a werewolf and a pet dog?
A terrified postman.
What do you call the people that you eat grass and produce milk alongside?
Cow-workers!
I hate scuba diving.
It was the lowest moment of my life.
Q: Which U.S. state do tigers like the most?
A: Maine.
What is a koala’s favorite type of fruit? Bearies.
While cuddling my girlfriend, I whispered "Honey, this isn't working out for me."
Then I rolled off the bed and started doing push-ups. "This is working out for me!"
Q: Why did the tiger eat the lamp?
A: He wanted a light lunch.
What is Tom Hanks' favourite soft cheese? Philadelphia.
We all know that monkeys of all species love bananas, however, there is one family that doesn’t really fancy them, the orang-utans.
How did the macho bee with eczema feel?
B-Itchy
Why is everyone so tired on April 1st?
Because they just finished a long 31-day long March!
Thanks to you, I’m saddled with unnecessary peelings.
What is Frankenstein’s favorite cheese?
Muenster.
Why should anyone experiment with thin ice?
It’s the best way to achieve a major breakthrough.
What did the rainwater say as it ran off the road.
Grate.
What kind of dishes do skeletons serve tea on?
Bone china.
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
What do you call a very active hydra?
Hydradynamic.
A mountain biker was chased by a Grizzly this morning. He bearly made it.
How do mares keep track of their boyfriends?
A stud book.
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
It was InTents.
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
When you come across oranges wearing suntan lotion, don’t judge them harshly. They do so in order not to peel.
Did you hear the gossip about the owl who hooked up with his boss?
I won’t tell you hoo.
What do you call a sloth that barely moves a muscle? A slow-off (show off).
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
Why do pumpkins never quarrel? Because they have no stomach for fighting.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
Irish you a whole pot of gold!
My email password has been hacked again
That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.
Doctor doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains
Doctor: Pull yourself together
As I am walking towards my classroom, I get to know that my miss-is-sippi-ng my glass of water.
What did Mars tell to Saturn? Give me a ring sometime!
What do oranges have after a hard work out? Juice!
Best in snow.
Why do painters always fall for their models?
Because they love them with all of their art.
What's the opposite of an elephant?
An eleph-antonym.
Do you need some encourage-mint?
What did the grape say when the bat squished on it? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
Why did the wizard rush to the hospital?
He had a staff infection.
What does a volleyball player do when they go to prom? They spike the punch.
What did the flower write in his mother’s day card?
I’m proud to be orchid.
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