Q. Which book makes virgin gorillas blush?
A. The Naked Ape.
The dentist said that he could knock me out with gas, or he could use a big metallic rock.
I said ether/ore.
What kind of apple isn't an apple? A pineapple. What did the apple say to the apple pie? "You've got some crust."
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
Why do you always bring a bag of chips to a party? In queso emergency.
Why did the ocean leave the party early?
She was getting really tide.
The young loaf of bread ended up getting fired from his job because he kept loafing around. Poor guy.
What do they do when the fruit educator is sick? They bring in a substitute peacher.
Long time no sea.
What does the winged horse do after it goes to the bathroom?
Pegaflushes.
A truck with an entire load of strawberries has crashed on the motorway. It's caused a real traffic jam.
A small child was brought into hospital the other day after swallowing several small toy horses.
The doctors report that he is in a stable condition.
The chocolate couple decided to rent a two bedroom sweet for their summer honeymoon.
What do you call a bulletproof Irish man?
Rick O’Shay.
Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night?
Nurse: No change yet.
What do you call a rock that never goes to school? A skipping stone!
What do you call a pig that knows martial arts?
Pork Chop
Swallowing a cherry stone is not the end of the world. It’s just one of life’s little pitfalls.
It's really easy to learn white water kayaking
You just go with the flow.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
Over quarantine, I’ve really gotten into gardening. I am especially enamored with growing chard varieties. So much so I’ve written a book of poems about their taproots.
I hope to one day be recognized as the beet poet of our generation!
Boy: Oh I can't believe that Jesus is so sweet! Girl: Well that's because He's a life saver!
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
"It's been an emotional day," said the groom. "Even the cake is in tiers."
Q. How does a tree get on the computer?
A. It logs on!
How do you know if a spine finds you funny?
It starts cracking up.
What's more important, shampoo or conditioner?
Is it the foamer or the lather?
When did the pianist finally turn their life around?
After they hit Rockbottomoff.
I chucked my phone into a very deep lake.
Somehow it's still syncing.
Where does a killer whale go for braces?
The orca-dontist.
Have you ever tried to write your own puns?
It's a fairly difficult pun-dertaking!
How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan?
You take away their little brooms
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
Does anybody remember the joke I posted about my spine?
It was about a weak back.
I had an art contest with my friend.
It ended in a draw.
How rude-olf of you.
There is a Giant Screwdriver attacking the city. Please seek shelter immediately. This is not a drill.
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
What do you call a gingerbread man with one leg bitten off?
Limp Bizkit.
Why don’t most people enjoy jokes about taco shells?
They’re too corny
Which keyboard shortcut doesn't work if you're incontinent?
Ctrl-P
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
My buddy was cast in Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs, but he was still angry because he wasn't Happy.
What do you call a solar powered keyboard?
A photosynthesiser
I have bean thinking about you.
Did you know that a group of crows is called a murder?
Well, technically it’s only a murder if there’s probable caws.
What tree monster prowls the forest?
Frankenpine.
I accidentally injured my girlfriend with a mouth organ.
I really didn't mean to harm Monica.
Go to BabaMail
