What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
A crocodile tried to copy a rooster to wake his friends one morning, he went croc-a-doodle do.
If you are wondering about the most important constitutional right of a peach citizen, well, it's none other than freedom of peach.
In Greek Mythology, Chiron was not only half man and half horse, he was also a doctor of medicine
That made him the centaur for disease control.
Why was the big white tiger angry with his other Siberian tiger friend? Because he bleached him while grooming.
Why did the viper, viper nose?
Because the adder, adder hankerchief.
Q: What time is it when a tiger walks into the room?
A: Time to get out of the room.
Q: What is a tornado’s favorite Elton John song?
A: Candle in the Wind!
What do you call it when you boil a water buffalo?
A mist steak.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
An ancient Greek walks into his tailor’s shop with a pair of torn pants.
‘’Euripides’’ says the tailor. ‘’Yeah, Eumenides?’’ replies the man.
You'd never get a rainbow in the red of night.
I just paid for a boat ride to a magic themed renaissance carnival. The price was reasonable.
It was a fair fairy faire ferry fare.
I don't understand why Bed Bath & Beyond is considered a non-essential business.
Don't they carry essential oils?
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
What kind of music should you listen to while fishing?
Something catchy.
Car Salesman: And if you don't like this color, we have another one in "Boulder Gray"
Me: Gray isn't very bold to begin with, how did you make it bolder?
Why did the blind seal get eaten by the orca?
Because he couldn’t see that whale.
What do you call a cat that gets what they want? Purr-suasive.
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
What do you call it when a guy throws his laptop into the ocean?
Adele, Rollin’ in the Deep.
What did the mushroom request when booking his hotel? A shroom with a view, please!
What's a goat's favorite organ?
A Kid-ney
We’ll have a ball.
Dr. Frankenstein just placed an order on Amazon.
It wasn't expensive, but I imagine the shipping cost him an arm and a leg.
Fresh French fried fly fritters
What do you do if your nose goes on strike?
Picket.
How does a turtle feel after being electrocuted?
Shell-shocked.
What do you call a snowman party?
A snowball.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak?
Mouse code!
If you search for pictures of corn on Google you'll only get stalk pictures.
Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One cowboy sees a tree that’s draped in bacon. “A bacon tree ! We’re saved!” He says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets.
It wasn’t a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd.
What kind of socks do you need to plant cayenne pepper? Garden hose!
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
Q. How do you make a sasquatch, a yeti, or a bigfoot laugh?
A. Tell it a gorilla joke!
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap?
Because it was on shale.
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
Q. What do you call a gorilla who studies large primates and has great grades?
A. Ape lust student.
What do pig’s use as soap? Hogwash.
"What do tofu and a dildo have in common?" "They are both meat substitutes!"
What do we get when we cross a pineapple and a pig? We have a porky – pine!
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
I don’t know if I got hit by freezing rain but it sure hurt like hail.
What is a butcher’s favorite Elvis Presley song? Love Meat Tenders.
How do you make a panda?
Punch a polar bear in the eyes.
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