What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable garden Seizure salad
Why’s it always hot after a football game?
All the fans left.
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? CHICKEN CAESER SALAD.
What do you call it when it rains ducks and geese?
Fowl weather.
"You make me egg-static."
The favorite fruit of all ghost's are Bloooooo-berries!
How can you tell that vampires love baseball?
They turn into bats every night.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
What kind of bread does a racehorse eat?
Thoroughbred.
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
What should someone do if they are stuck between a jaguar and a tiger? Simple, just take the Jaguar and drive away from the tiger.
In Italy there is a group pf moms creating soft cheese...
They brand themselves as MOMzarella.
What do you call a pumpkin that can slam dunk a basketball?
Michael Gourdan.
Who babysits young Bigfoots?
Sasq-watcher.
I hope the only things that blow are candles and balloons. Have a great birthday!
Why are owls so good at math?
They excel at owlgebra.
The goal nine yards
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
What do you get when your cross a bear and a tiger?
A bear and a tiger seeking revenge.
Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory?
“Lack of concentration.”
What do dolphins need to stay healthy?
Vitamin Sea!
You want to hear the best rock puns? Give me a moment and I’ll dig something up.
I have no idea how so many people didn’t make it out the labyrinth.
It only took me a minotaur two.
How did the beaver introduce his wife? This is my significant otter.
A man has been arrested in South Africa for shooting a giant chess set
What's wrong with those big game hunters?!
But would they be stoned by the goalie?
No, they'd smoke it right between the pipes!
I've always considered mountain plateaus to be the highest forms of flattery.
Bigfoot saw me today
I bet nobody believes him.
What’s a vampire bat’s favorite food?
I-scream!
Why did Noah have to punish the chickens on the Ark?
They were using fowl language.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
How do baby horses get tucked in at night?
They get told a tail.
What do ghost cowboys wear?
Boooots.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
What do you call a whirlwind winter romance?
Love at frost sight!
What happened when the snowgirl had a fight with the snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
What do you get when you cross a lion with a parrot?
I don't know, but when it talks, you better listen.
What do you call 144 kangaroos in a box?
Gross.
Don’t give into beer pressure.
What pickup line did the flower use on Tinder?
Are you a DAMNdelion?
How do you kill a troll?
Take away its internet access.
The only thing that looks like half a strawberry is the other half.
What did the orange say when a knife pierced it’s peel? Flesh wound.
What is the favorite sport for the young bass? It is the bass get ball.
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
What do you get when you cross an owl with an oyster?
Pearls of wisdom.
Why do cows eat grass?
I mean, someone has to moo the lawn.
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
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