If you ride your bike twice a day, is that recycling?
What is it called when two spies hug?
A bond-ing moment.
What’s the best way to settle church disputes?
With canons.
The feds were on a global hunt for a cow who was known to hide behind foliage. They finally located her in Moss-cow.
What is a Ghost’s favourite treat? Ice-scream floats.
How does one astronaut says sorry on the moon tell another astronaut? He Apollo-gises.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
Have you ever wondered if illiterate people would get the full effects of alphabet soup?
Skier: Doc, I think I'm addicted to skiing at Loveland Ski Are
Shrink: You may be going down a slippery slope. Do you feel a divide?
I was named after my dad
Because I couldn’t possibly have been named before him.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
Which is a Ghost’s favourite cheese? Ghoul-da Cheese.
What do you get when you spill soup on a comic book? Souperman.
How do you know that it's too cold outside for a picnic?
You chip your tooth on the soup.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
She sells seashells on the seashore.
The shells she sells are seashells, I’m sure.
And if she sells seashells on the seashore,
Then I’m sure she sells seashore shells.
Watson: Sherlock, what type of rock is this amazing specimen?
Holmes: It’s sedimentary, my dear Watson.
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
Ears.
Ears who?
Ears one more beaver joke for you.
What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
Did you hear about the volleyball players who are getting married? They say it was love at first spike.
I used too much of my wife’s moisturizer after taking my shower this morning.
So I called in slick for work today.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
Why did the ram run over the cliff edge?
Because he didn’t see the ewe turn.
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his donut?
He was stuffed!
This autumn, the garden told the mower to leaf him alone in peace.
If I were to wander around in Italy...
Would I be roamin'?
How do you make a mango shake?
You take it to a scary movie.
My girlfriend was arrested for assault using an iron skillet
We'll see how this pans out but I think she's fried.
What street does the hippocampus live on?
Memory lane.
Why didn't the brain want to take a bath?
What do llamas always say when they introduce themselves?
“Fleeced to meet you.”
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
What cheese do vampires eat?
Munster.
What did the arirst say to his friend who was stressed? Don't worry, paintbrush it off.
How do you make a milkshake?
Give a cow a pogo stick.
Why does cheese look normal? Because everyone else on the plate is crackers.
I've just been sacked from my job as a prophet..
I didn't see that coming.
Why do Geologists go to Lollapalooza? To get their "Rock" On.
Have you heard the one about the lemon cat?
It was a real sour puss.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
Why are hot dogs angry? Because they are always getting roasted.
Q: What did the cloud say to the lightning bolt?
A: You're shocking!
My local garden center is doing buy one, get one free on manure. Don’t sniff at this offer.
What did the carrot say to the rabbit? Do you want to grab a bite?
Why did the bus driver laugh? He was having a 'wheely' good time!
How can you tell if you are in love?
If they stole a pizza your heart.
What do you can an ant scientist?
Albert Antstein.
All chemists know that alcohol is always a solution
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
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