Swallowing a cherry stone is not the end of the world. It’s just one of life’s little pitfalls.
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
Whenever I hear folksy stories about the hills, I can never get over them.
See snow evil, hear snow evil.
I asked a vampire if I could borrow some money. He told me he needed to go to the blood bank.
What do you call a gorilla who has been locked up in prison?
A kong-vict
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
Why do werewolves do well at school?
Because every time they’re asked a question, they come up with a snappy answer!
Why don’t vampire’s make good artists?
Because all they draw is blood.
What do you get when you cross a pickle with an alligator?
A crocodill.
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
What's grey, beautiful and wears glass slippers?
Cinderella-phant.
Why were the axons bothered by myelin?
It was getting on their nerves.
What pizza do dogs eat?
Puperoni.
Why are cowboys prone to gambling?
Because they're always raising the steaks.
This is one spray-cation to remember.
Doctor 1: what’s his body temperature?
Doctor 2: it’s 90 degrees.
Doctor 1: What?! That’s can’t be right!
Doctor 2: No, it is.
What do you call a necromancer werewolf?
A dog with a bone.
What do you call a light-headed elephant?
An ele-faint.
After his teeth were cleaned, the werewolf ate the dentist.
A stoner, a Jedi and a surgeon walk into a bar.
Blunt force trauma.
How do you catch a unique tiger?
Unique up on it.
How do you catch a tame tiger?
Tame way.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
Did you hear about the 2 Tow Truck drivers who wanted to elope?
They got hitched.
Who is a penguin’s favourite family member?
Aunt Artica.
What do troll mathematicians like to solve?
Parabolems?
What is ice cream’s preferred breed of dog?
Dashchundae.
What was Beethoven’s favourite fruit?
BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA... BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA...
What do you do if your nose goes on strike?
Picket.
I wasn't expecting to be diagnosed as colour blind.
It really came out of the purple.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite season?
Spring.
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
My father loves eating reams of soup. That is the reason why I think he should be nominated to the Soup – ream – court!
Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school? She was always pining to become a part of the poplar kids.
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
It’s raining cats and dogs today - I just hope it doesn’t rain deer!
Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?
I’m pretty sure he has Asp burgers.
The beavers avoid going deep-diving now. They saw one beaver hitting rock bottom.
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
I'd hate to be the bearer of bad blues.
I hired a landscape gardener today.
He couldn’t help me — my garden is a portrait.
What do you call a werewolf with a fever?
A hot dog.
Did you see the guy with quad-arms play tennis? He has a great four-hand.
Defeat in soccer is only bitter if you swallow it.
What did the watermelon wife say to his stinky husband? You’ve got a strange smelon you today.
Due to bad weather, I won't be attending the Meteorology Convention.
I'm gonna take a rain-check.
Shake your shamrocks.
What do you call a werewolf who doesn't know he's a werewolf ?
Unawarewolf.
What is a cat’s favorite vegetable? As-purr-agus.
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