What do you call a cemetery for bears?
Bearial grounds.
What do you call a skeleton who rings the doorbell?
A dead ringer.
What do you call a baby owl stuck in the rain?
A moist owlette.
When I was younger, I dressed up as a frog and robbed a bank.
That was the first time that I Kerm-itted a crime.
What do you call a royal giraffe?
Your highness.
What does Cinderella usually wear at the beach?
Glass flippers!
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
What do you call an ogre in an accident?
A car Shrek.
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
I dated a doctor once. Big mistake.
She was a Psycho.
Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cows keep the udder safe.
Why do girl ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
What does a piece of cheese tell you during a game of tag?
Cheez it.
What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music.
Why do leaves change color in the fall? Because they want to leaf their old color.
What do you call a group of crows eating a box of corn flakes?
A cereal murder.
What rock would you find inside a garden shed?
Shedimentary.
Which city do hamsters live in?
Hamsterdam.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken joke wasn't invented yet.
I’m a clover, not a fighter.
What is a dentist’s favorite hymn?
Crown Him with Many Crowns
Hello my name is lettuce, and I was going to the grocery store...
Ah, I’m getting ahead of myself
If you travel to the future and get decapitated
You'd be ahead of your time
Where did the Flopper work in the offseason? At Dominik's Hat-Check.
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
Uni-corn? I though that’s what you call a single grain or maize.
The art teacher encourages her students to move in the light direction.
Did you hear about the two spiders who just got engaged? I hear they met on the web."
I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.
Why did the spider get on the computer?
To check his website.
What car make did the Apostles drive?
Honda… because the apostles were all in one Accord.
What type of room do you eat? A mush room.
I want to practice my forehand outside, but it will be wet in the morning and nice later on. So here’s the plan for today: inside-out.
What do cats do after watching a play? Give a round of a-paws.
Cows love music. In fact, they even have a favourite note: beef flat.
Whats in a camels favorite cup of tea?
Camelmile
A pig and a horse walk into a movie theater.
The horse didn't feel like buying popcorn so he brought some hay. A theater employee saw him and said. "Are you sneaking outside food into the theater?"
The horse said "nay."
The pig squealed.
Swimming pools are just chlorified bathtubs...
If fish is a type of brain food, then dumb people probably love eating noodle soup.
French fries aren’t cooked in France
They’re cooked in greece.
Did you hear that the diet clinic was doing great business? They say that it’d really take your breadth away.
Ice simply love it when it snows!
Where do connoisseurs lock up their best bottles?
In a wine cabernet.
What do you call a goat that lip-syncs?
Billy Vanilli.
What do you call Spider-Man at his full potential
Petest Parkest.
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet.
An AXEIDENT.
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
What is a cat’s favorite deal? Buy one, get one furry.
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
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