This is snow laughing matter!
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
What do ghost cowboys wear?
Boooots.
Why are bunnies always tired in April? Because they just finished a March.
What’s a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down?
Someone was yanking his chain!
No one could tame the unicorn. He was horn to be wild.
If we played hot potato I’d lose, because I’d never let you go.
What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
What is the pineapple’s relationship status? Pineapply married.
What do you call it when two people make a baby in fog?
A mist conception.
What did the deer say when he left the barbershop?
“I feel like a million bucks!”
What dinosaur knows a lot of synonyms? A thesaurus.
Pizza: the only time top-less isn't fun
The airline lost my luggage, and so I sued them. Unfortunately, I lost the case.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
My communist grandparents hated each other, but still stayed married for more than 60 years.
It was a so-be-it union.
Why were the volleyball players always tying in tic tac toe? Each time one of them sets an X, the other player just says O.
What's a Koalas favorite drink? Coca Koala!
What did the dolphin do to the woman who was rude to it?
Flipper off!
What do you call a distilled botanical that likes to play the guitar??
Ginny Hendrix
KFC have hired geneticists to edit chicken DNA
Apparently they want something CRISPR.
What does a cow ride when his car is broken?
A COW-asaki MOO-torcycle.
I chucked my phone into a very deep lake.
Somehow it's still syncing.
Don't theater jokes always seem so staged?
How does a volleyball team welcome their new neighbors? With a block party.
What happens if you read too many Painful baseball Puns?
You're left in stitches.
What do you get when you cross a shark with a snowman?
Frostbite.
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
No matter how much she trimmed the particular strand of grass, the unruly grass kept on growing- what a grass-cal!
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
Why didn't the watermelon marry the strawberry?
They cantaloupe.
Udon even know how to cook this udon recipe. Fortunately, I can teach you.
Why did the other volleyball team bow? Because they heard that the queens of the court were there.
Why did the rabbit like the adventure? It was a “hare-raising tail.”
Do baseball players ever wear armor?
Only during knight games.
What do polar bears have for lunch?
Ice burgers.
Why don’t dolphins play basketball?
Because they’re afraid of the net!
Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun?
They’re always a little short.
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
Why do golfers love donuts?
Always a hole-in-one!
I ran out of toilet paper, so started wiping using lettuce leaves
But I'm scared this is the tip of the iceberg.
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
Why did the butchers meating end soon? Because one of them started beef.
Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
He heard the referee calling fowls.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
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