Why people did not like the restaurant on? Because there was literally no atmosphere.
What is a bunny’s motto? Don’t be mad, be hoppy!
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
What’s a salesman’s favorite Scripture passage?
The Great Commission
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
What kind of fruit salad is most resistant to sunburn?
The kind with extra melon in.
What do you get when you cross a parrot and a shark?
A bird that talks your ears off.
Why was the Navy Seal sad?
He doesn't like the color blue.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
If you get married out on sea or in a boat...
is that a row-mance?
Congrats on proving that getting older doesn’t mean getting wiser.
On one bright Sunday morning, one long lost wolf finally met his longtime classmate. “So, Howl’s it goin’!”
Bad puns are how eye roll.
Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night?
Nurse: No change yet.
"Some people have no guts."
What kind of potato do you want to take home to your parents? A sweet potato.
What does a witch get if she crosses a black cat and a lemon?
A sour puss.
My mom told me that sitting on a computer 8 hours a day in unhealthy
I said: But, mom that's why I am using a chair.
Why did the witch go to the doctor?
She had a dizzy spell.
What is a vampire’s favorite sport?
Casketball.
What do dinosaurs have that no other animals have? Baby Dinosaurs.
How do you communicate with a fish? Drop it a line!
I beg your garden?
Flamingos are known by a different name when they dress up to go out – they call themselves glamingos.
I love you and I ain’t lion.
Why should somebody who's just out of rehab think twice before going on a skiing holiday?
Because it's a slippery slope.
What did the astronaut see in his frying pan?
An Unidentified Frying Object.
The killer whale planned its attack on the seals for weeks.
It was very carefully orca-strated.
What time does the Wicked Witch have her clocks set to?
Greenwitch Mean Time.
What's the best way to avoid eating too many Thanksgiving leftovers? Quit cold turkey.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
What do you call water that is good for you?
Well water.
Every morning when I leave home, a bike comes from somewhere and runs me over. It’s a vicious cycle.
I was trying to look at a picture of the ocean but kept having to reload the page, it finally worked after 5 attempts.
That was refreshing to sea.
What did the deer order to drink at the bar?
Ice cold deer.
What excuse did the late watermelon give his boss? He said be there in 5 boss, I’m just rind the corner.
I wanted to buy a $30 meal for my father, my grandfather and father-in-law. I figured they'd lump em all together and charge a reduced fee.
But no, I was charged $30 a pop.
My mother told me to leave the peach cobbler alone on the table. But I couldn't help but watch the cobbler make the beautiful peach shoes.
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
Why don't skeletons ski the black diamond runs at Copper Mountain?
They've got soul, but they just don't have the heart for it.
What did the phone say to begin the race?
On your marks, handset, go!
What do you call a kangaroo that’s exhausted from trespassing?
Out of bounds.
If you are a fan of alphabet soup, then you might also know times new ramen.
Why had the beaver left the pond? He thought it was too shallow.
Q. What does the alpha gorilla call his first wife?
A. His prime mate.
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
What’s the silliest name you can give a tiger?
Spot.
Did you hear that the list of famous vampires had a startling omission?
They forgot to Count Dracula!
Summer's over; it's time to chill.
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