Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
His ghoul friend.
How do you reply to an email about someone freaking out at the Los Angeles International Airport?
Re:LAX
Feeling cold? Go stand in the corner. It’s 90 degrees.
Do you know what is the most favourite fruit in the United States? – Mmm peach!
Beach you to it.
Why don’t monkeys wear pocket watches?
Because they don’t wear pants.
What do you say when you're having dinner with a skeleton? Bone appetit!
Why is the ocean so salty?
Because the land never waves back.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
What did the piece of Cheddar say to the ghost? I'm Lac-ghost intolerant
Fresh fried fish,
Fish fresh fried,
Fried fish fresh,
Fish fried fresh.
What did one hummus say to the other hummus
“Sabra.”
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite year?
A leap year.
You know you are getting older when the candles don’t fit on the cake.
What do you call a small fish magician? A magic carpet
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
I spent last Christmas with a bunch of soft fruit. I kept getting confused with the toast – they were saying “Eat, drink and be cherry!”
My wife asked me why I bought a pear tree.
I told her "what, you told me to grow a pear."
Why did the skeleton go to the dance?
To see the boogie man.
A parishioner at my church broke into the holy water tank and splashed some on his infant daughter, saying, "your are hereby baptized!"
That's just not rite.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
The dentist said that he could knock me out with gas, or he could use a big metallic rock.
I said ether/ore.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
Who never minds being interrupted in the middle of a sentence? A convict.
What kind of magazines would the planets prefer to read? Cosmos.
I've seen a meteor shower,
but never seen a meteor take a bath.
What is most gorillas' favorite book to study in English class at high school?
The Apes Of Wrath.
He’s an elf-made man.
Football is one habit I will never kick.
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
What did the duck eat for snack?
Salted Quackers.
What do you call a group of crows flying over a couple?
A murder over love.
What do worms leave round their baths? The scum of the earth.
Why did the vampire need mouthwash? Because he had bat breath.
There are two skeleton teachers at school. One is humerus, but the other is very sternum.
What do bats say to vampires?
“You suck!”
“I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes.”
What’s the best view you can get in our galaxy? A view of the milky way from mars.
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, do you believe in love at first sight, or should I go around this chairlift again?
My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."
It doesn't matter if my wife tells me Im not mature
Im not going to let her enter my tree house without the right password.
Why did the volleyball player get thrown out of the party? He spiked the punch.
If you don’t have a lot of figurines from Ancient Greek mythology, I can give you a mini tour.
Why didn't the ghost dance at the party? He had no body to dance with.
Why are mountains not just funny? Because they are hilarious.
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
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