When the pig had a quarrel with his wife, he ended up having a gilt trip.
Sinks cannot open doors
Let that sink in.
But would they be stoned by the goalie?
No, they'd smoke it right between the pipes!
How can you tell where the Easter Bunny has been? Eggs mark the spot.
I forgot to put on deodorant this morning, so I went to the store on my way to work.
It was a quick pit stop.
How do you know carrots are good for your eyes? Because you never see a rabbit wearing glasses.
What’s the preacher’s favorite fall song? A-maize-ing Grace.
What was the watermelon’s naughty pick-up line?
“Want to see my melons?”
What did the little mountain say to the bigger mountain?
Hi, Cliff!
What did one soap molecule say to the other soap molecule in prison?
"Get out. This is micelle"
Why was the little bee sent to bed without supper?
Because he wouldn't beehive.
What do you call someone who specializes in growing plants used in witches’ brews?
A hag-riculturist!
Where are werewolf movies made?
Howl-lywood.
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
What is the favorite sport for the young bass? It is the bass get ball.
My wife just said that in order for our marriage to work, we both need to make sacrifices.
I’m thinking of choosing a goat.
Today, my pastor started talking to the drum set during his sermon.
Boy did I appreciate the cymbal-ism
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
After trying out floss for the first time, I couldn't believe how nice it felt.
It truly was a breath of fresh air.
Why do volcanoes need lotion?
So they dont get ashy.
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.
How do werewolves eat lunch?
They wolf it down.
Why didn't the lemon juice like the soap?
Because he was basic.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
Why wasn't the geologist hungry? He lost his apatite.
A hippie when his opponent disputes his calls: That’s pretty far-out, man!
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
What do you call a doctor who became a delivery driver?
MedEx
What happened when the artist tried to draw a cube? He suffered from a mental block.
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
I was supposed to play the trumpet
But I blew it.
What do leprechauns love to barbecue? Short ribs!
Why do Penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they haven’t got any pockets.
Despite his puns being so orange-inal, nobody really likes them.
What happened to the Easter bunny at school? He was eggspelled.
What is a cat’s favorite deal? Buy one, get one furry.
What were the cheese’s wedding vows?
To havarti and to hold.
Football pitches are almost always so wet. This is because soccer players dribble a lot.
Why didn’t the skull go to the dentist?
It was too-th late.
Beer is the greatest beverage on earth.
That's my pint of view, anyway.
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
Why did the witch fall off her broom mid-flight?
She had a fainting spell!
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
What do you call it when you spill your drink all over a piano?
Rag time.
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
What game do Ghost children play? Hide and shriek!
I like your tight end
Why did the viper, viper nose?
Because the adder, adder hankerchief.
What do you call a basin full of denim?
A gene pool!
What do you call a truck towing a smaller truck?
A mother trucker
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