My wife threatened to divorce me when I said I was going to give our daughter a silly name...
So I called her Bluff.
HELP! It's a taco emergency!
Dial 9 Juan Juan!
What do llamas call the end of the world?
Llamageddon.
Q. Why are big gorilla turds always so stinking tired?
A. Because they're all pooped out!
Do you know what is the actual difference between hell and hill? It is only a fine line.
Where do ants go on vacation?
Frants.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
Why do poets always write about the sea?
They just can’t fathom her depths.
Old astronomers got so tired of waiting for the sun to go down, that they decided to pack it up and call it a day.
Is tea with additional salt
Salt-tea?
Q: What did the old orange see before it died?
A: The grim ripe-r.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
What do you call someone who specializes in growing plants used in witches’ brews?
A hag-riculturist!
Did I tell you about my new girlfriend who also plays football?
Yeah.. she‘s a keeper
Wife was in the hospital and the nurse said she was calling the doctor to put in an IV
When he showed up, I said to him "I thought there'd be four of you".
I once had a conversation with a dolphin.
We just clicked.
“Deck the Halls with Bows on Collies.”
Love the beach. Can I be any more Pacific?
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
How do you communicate with a fish? Drop it a line!
What would you hear at a cow concert?
Moo-sic.
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
Q: What's a tornado's favorite game?
A: Twister
Through three cheese trees three free fleas flew.
While these fleas flew, freezy breeze blew.
Freezy breeze made these three trees freeze.
Freezy trees made these trees' cheese freeze.
That's what made these three free fleas sneeze.
You will never see a vampire betting on the horses. They can't handle the stakes.
What cheesy dip do deer love to eat?
Fawn-due.
Police were called to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
What are the cat police called? The claw Enforcement.
What does a horse call its treats?
My greatest preakness.
Where do the cool horses live?
In rad-docks.
just witnessed a chicken try to pick up a piece of corn for 5 minutes,
ImPeck-able.
What is a skeleton’s favorite thing to do with their cell phone?
Take skelfies.
The science teacher decided to take her class out on a field trip to the mountains because all the kids in her class desperately needed higher grades.
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
People say nothing rhymes with orange. It seems very strange to me.
What’s Another Name For iPhone Chargers?
Apple Juice.
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Why was the mother rattlesnake sad?
The time had come for her children to strike out on their own.
Why does bread looks so bad in photographs?
It’s just too grainy.
What do you call a human that's now a cactus?
A transplant.
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
What is the similarity between a male deer and a beaver? Both have buck teeth.
Q. Which Greek eggplant dish do deer really eat up?
A. Moose-aka.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
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