Q. Where do red, orange, yellow, green, blue and violet crayons like to go hiking?
A. Colorado.
What do you call it when Dr. Frankenstein makes tea?
A monstrositea.
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
What's a werewolf's favorite mode of transport?
A lunar cycle.
An idea is one of the worst killers of vampires. They don't see it coming, and then it dawns on them.
What sport does the Koolaid man play?
Baseball. He's a pitcher.
Why did you act like that at Thanksgiving dinner? I yam what I yam.
What is the first thing that bats learn at school? The alphabat.
How can you tell that it’s Ronald McDonald at a nude beach?
Because he has sesame seed buns.
What did the prehistoric Greeks call their goddess of love?
Troglodite.
My printer just told me it was joining a band.
Makes sense since it lives to jam.
Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake
It just takes more commitment.
The scare crow was out standing in his field, so he got awarded as the best employee of the year.
How do two cherries make up after an argument? They cherry the hatchet.
You say "easy peasy lemon squeezy"
... but I prefer "depressed stressed lemon zest."
No matter what costumes they wear, when the Halloween candy comes out, everyone is a goblin!
What kind of car does an otter drive? A Furrari.
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
When I was younger, I dressed up as a frog and robbed a bank.
That was the first time that I Kerm-itted a crime.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
“Christmas has me feeling extra Santa-mental.”
My dyslexia has reached a new owl.
Which is the bar downtown that soccer players hate striking on? Crossbar.
What do you call an island populated entirely by cupcakes?
Desserted
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
Do you want to hear a joke about a bolt of lightning?
Actually, maybe not. The end is rather shocking.
Why is the left cerebral cortex always wrong?
Because it was never in the rgiht.
Why did the flower take her husband back after he cheated?
She rose above it.
Ignore your mother's bad joke, son...
It's a faux pa.
What time should I book the court? Let’s shoot for around tennish.
What do you call a camel without humps?
Humphrey.
I threw a fuzzy peach at my doctor's head and he said "that's not assault that's a sugar."
What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?
An ice burger extra cheese.
I took a blood test today
It was easy. I got A+, and I didn't even have to study!
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
Why is Cinderella bad at football?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
Some very good advice strawberries give to their children is to respect their elder-berries.
What did one paint say to another when they got in an argument? Don't use that tone with me.
My son's has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he's eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He's full of surprises.
If you drop your white shirt in the Red Sea, what will it become?
Wet
I was asked why I love to clean lemon juice from windows, to which I replied
“It’s easy peasy lemon squeegee.”
Did you hear about the crab that went to the seafood disco? He pulled a muscle
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl using the bathroom? Because the 'p' is silent
When the peach pit farewell to his friend, he said, "See you later, peach out".
Both tournament directors published the schedule at the same time. It was a draw.
What do you call a lazy goat?
Billy Idle.
My dad used to say "the sky's the limit"
Which is probably why he got fired from his job at N.A.S.A.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
Go to BabaMail
