I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
What kind of tea does Billy like?
Ability.
What do cars have on toast.
Butter and traffic jam.
What song do young peaches love listening to? 'Papa don't peach'.
What’s the name of the rabbit who stole from the rich and gave to the poor? Rabbit Hood.
Why is Cinderella bad at soccer?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
What online search engine do spooky monsters use?
Ghoulghoul.
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
It's a buccaneer
Dracula really doesn't have any other vampire friends. It's because he's a total pain in the neck.
Why did you find a stoned able Sherlock Holmes applying ketchup to your front yard ??
Because he's a high-functioning sauce-your-path.
What does a Greek machine need to work?
Greece.
What would the greatest hockey player in history be called if he would have chosen not to play hockey?
Wayne Regretzky
Have I given you the tour of my estate yet?
It is a Vauxhall.
What kind of werewolf can track down flowers ?
A bud hound
I have so many Easter puns, it’s not even bunny.
What is the name of the country near Iraq that is made entirely of cheese? Curd-istan
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
Opposing coaches facing the Leafs in the 60s and 70s knew that Dave was the
one to Keon.
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
Why do hitters find it so hard to be productive when they are indoors? They always work on an angle to play outside.
I punched my monitor and now my hand really hertz.
Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? Frankenswine, or you can go see Hamlet.
Why did the mouse stay inside? Because it was raining cats and dogs.
What type of a computer does a horse like to eat? A Macintosh
Which superhero likes spring the best?
Robin.
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
How did the swim team manage to pay for new pool renovations?
They pool-ed their resources!
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
It’s Fall coming back to me now.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
One of my ancestors was once hired by Henry VIII to teach his son to play the trumpet
He was a Tudor tooter tutor.
Shut up the shutters and sit in the shop.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.
What do you call a baby monkey?
A chimp off the old block.
What does Cinderella usually wear at the beach?
Glass flippers!
What did the rainbow say to the pot of gold? You'll be the end of me.
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
When should you go on a cheese diet? If you need to cheddar a few pounds
Q: What’s a nectarine?
As he gobbled the cakes on his plate,
the greedy ape said as he ate,
the greener green grapes are,
the keener keen apes are
to gobble green grape cakes,
they're great!
Son: “Hey Dad, can we go to the beach?”
Dad: “Shore?”
I caught a fruit fly in the air and killed it.
I'm a gnatural born killer.
If fish is a type of brain food, then dumb people probably love eating noodle soup.
I want to play my match outdoors so I can hit the ball higher in the air. I’m not good at persuading people, so I’m going to hire a lob-byist.
My wife wanted to plant flowers
Problem is she hasn’t botany.
Hope you’re wide open on [date].
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
I am fawn’d of you my deer.
My Dad drove a truck for 32 years.
He was terrible with directions.
You can't ever get the attention of a vampire on Halloween. They're way too busy looking for their necks victim.
Dogs can't see your bones.
But catscan.
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