A mummified macaroni pizza was uncovered in Italy today.
The man who uncovered it says "It's a pizza of our pasta."
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
What did the flower say when her son went off to college?
I be-leaf in you.
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
What happens when you buy too much ice cream?
Breyer’s remorse.
Knock Knock.
Who’s there? Donut. Donut who? Donut ask, it’s a secret!
Why is rain the best kind of music?
Because it has amazing drops.
What do you call someone who rips up books?
A tear-orist.
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
What do you get if you cross a frog and a dog?
A croaker spaniel.
Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"
Who did the goats vote for as president?
Billy Clinton.
How do you split the ocean in half?
With a sea-saw.
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
I almost brought a screwdriver to the football game, but was stopped by security
They said that match-fixing isn't allowed.
What did the angry witch do after sitting on her broomstick?
She flew off the handle.
At a meeting, Mr. Tomato asked Mr. Peach, "Can you give me the peach cobbler's number, I need to mend my shoes".
The crow decided to dress up as Corvid-19 virus for the Halloween costume party.
Dublin’ the fun.
While browsing the bookshop, I stuck a sheet of A4 paper to my wife's spine.
She said she wanted a paperback for her birthday.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
“Dachshund Through the Snow.”
What do you call a cat that was caught by the police? The purr-petrator.
What would’ve happen if the Apollo astronauts stayed on the lunar surface for too long?
They would’ve been lunatics.
Llama know if you don’t like these puns and alpaca my suitcase and leave!
"You focaccia bag, crumb back and get it."
Q. Why couldn't the dinosaur play games on the computer?
A. Because he ate the mous
How do lumberjacks shut down their computers?.
They log off.
What do you call a skeleton who goes to school but doesn’t do any work?
Lazy bones.
What kind of party is held in a cornfield?
A cornball!
I broke both my legs yesterday and now I have to use a wheelchair
I really can’t stand my situation right now.
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
A hippo is really heavy, but a Zippo is a little lighter.
I've always considered mountain plateaus to be the highest forms of flattery.
Why shouldn’t you go into business with a watermelon?
“They’re seedy.”
This may be corny, but you are a-maize-ing.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
"Just one hot chick."
I don’t wanna taco ‘bout it
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
What do you call a group of killer whales carrying musical instruments.
An orca-stra.
Why was King Arthur’s army too tired to fight?
All of those sleepless knights.
What do you call people who go to space? Icetronauts.
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
What happened to the criminal magician who ate to much salt?
Cardiac arrest.
What do Penguins like to eat?
Brrrrrrrritos.
Through three cheese trees three free fleas flew.
While these fleas flew, freezy breeze blew.
Freezy breeze made these three trees freeze.
Freezy trees made these trees' cheese freeze.
That's what made these three free fleas sneeze.
The last ten times I’ve been to a fancy dress party, I’ve gone as a shark.
The joke’s wearing fin.
I taught a dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
We went from Barking to Tooting in 20 minutes!
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