Why are pickles in sandwiches always so polite?
They're well-bread.
Why did the fold get arrested?
Because it was caught rolling a joint.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
How does the Easter Bunny stay healthy? Eggsercise, particularly hareobics!
Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
Be careful, too many birthdays can kill you!
My wife bought me a scalp massager for Christmas, but I couldn't figure out what it was.
Turns out it was a real head scratcher.
What’s another popular Christmas song that baby koalas like to sing? “Joey to the World”, of course!
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth? Hard cheese!
My friend told me he had to leave the play after Act l. Knowing he'd waited forever to see it, I asked him why. He said the program stated that Act ll was two years later, and he refused to wait that long.
Local restaurant has kangaroo loin and it’s actually pretty good
It’s been awhile since I had it, but I remember it being a little jumpy and has a kick.
What is Whitney Houston's favorite kind of lettuce?
Ennnnnnndddiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivvvee.
My wife tried to claim she was a night owl.
She was lying though, because when I tried to turn her head through 270 degrees, her neck snapped.
You know why theater people say "break a leg" instead of good luck?
Because if you do, you'll end up in a cast!
Why did you fall in love with the Paris art museum? It was just Louvre at first site.
How do you spell banana? E, V, I, L. Do banana's drink coke or pepsi? Neither, they drink blood because they're evil.
Why did the submarines feelings get hurt?
Because they keep calling it a dipship
Alligators ask lots of questions, they'd make great interri-gators.
Their soccer team and the US navy had one thing in common, they both spent over $50 million on a sub.
What’s a corn farmer’s favorite animal? The unicorn.
Initially, the passenger couldn't find where his next flight was, but fortunately, he made the connection in time.
Soft fruit is not always the best at doing research. They aren’t very thorough; they tend to cherry pick information.
Why didn’t the golfer get his homework done?
He wouldn’t stop puttering around.
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
Artists know how to draw the line, so you can't really peer pressure them.
I love spending koala-ty time with you.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
Why did the pineapple suddenly stop the car in the middle of the highway? Because it just ran out of juice.
The navy is now taking dogs along on their submarines
They're subwoofers
The Leaning Tower of Pisa is in Italy
So it’s italicized!
When astronauts die, the local papers run an orbituary.
What did the corn say when it was being followed?
“I’m being stalked!”
Why did the witch fall off her broom mid-flight?
She had a fainting spell!
What chord does jesus play on guitar?
Gsus
It is a bad film because good ones tend to have created atop day-old soup.
There's a group of girls that love vampires at my school. I really want to join their fang club.
What do runners eat before a big race?
Fast food.
Did you hear about the butcher that backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
My pet seal was getting a bit old and wrinkly
...so I bought a seal iron
What do you call someone with Yellow hair on the beach?
A beach blond.
This very fair weather actually makes me feel like a feather!
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
Why did some cardinals get their feathers ruffled?
The Pope gave away the church’s nest egg to the poor.
What’s the coolest part of a skeleton?
The hip.
Q: What do you do with unruly green kids?
A: Make them do limeout.
What do you call Santa when he accidentally falls into the fireplace? Krisp Kringle.
What's an inmates favorite fishing equipment? Jail bait.
My four year old has been learning Spanish all year and still can't say the word please.
Which I think is poor for four.
"Aloe you vera much."
Go to BabaMail
