What song do young peaches love listening to? 'Papa don't peach'.
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
What do you get when someone stares coldly at you?
Glare ice.
What does an alligator do when he loses his tail?
It goes to a re-tail store.
What did the evaporating raindrop say?
I’m going to pieces.
55. How do you tell a car you are supporting it?
‘We are routing for you!’
Which Oiler great had a soft spot for Indian food? Jari Curry.
Gluten-free, dairy-free, fat-free – I love this new Champagne Diet!
What’s a whale’s favorite meal?
Fish and ships.
I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor.
I prefer them poached.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
What’s the difference between spring rolls and summer rolls?
Seasoning.
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît.
I aorta tell you how much I love you.
It’s worth a shot.
God made rainy days, so gardeners could get the housework done.
To resolve the internal issues at the office, crows involved their cawnflict mediators.
How does spider man always come up with such clever comebacks?
Because with great power, comes great response ability.
Q. What is a gorilla in a wheelchair called?
A. Dis-ape-led.
All vampires seem to have the same thing for their last meal. A stake.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
"You bake me crazy."
My son's has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he's eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He's full of surprises.
The local band stand was struck by lightening yesterday while the band was playing.
Only the conductor was hit.
How do fleas get from place to place?
By itch-hiking.
When a planet dies, does it get an orbituary?
How do officials start the races at the pink bird olympics? They say three... two... one... flaminGO!
What do you call a dead flamingo?
A flaminghost.
What do you call a locomotive with a cold? A choo choo train.
Broken pencils are pointless.
Why is it easy for chicks to talk?
Because talk is cheep.
What do you get if you cross an alligator with a flower?
I don’t know, but I will not smell it!
Driving a truck carrying cutlery is easy – as soon as you see the fork in the road, you know you’re there.
The young woman decided to become a professional baker. She realized that it could help her earn her bread and butter.
Who has large antlers, a high voice and wears white gloves? Mickey Moose!
Today, my arm got pinned between my wife's chest and the chair.
It was booby trapped.
Wind turbine mechanics and engineers are very fond of the blew color!
I have faith in Pfizer and its Covid vaccine, because they also make Viagra.
If Pfizer can raise the dead, it can save the living.
What would you hear at a cow concert?
Moo-sic.
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
Did the dinosaur take a bath ? Why, is there one missing?
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
How do you hold a bat?
By the wings.
Q: What did the leaf say to the wind?
A: You really blew me away.
What’s worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
A centipede with athlete’s foot.
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