My grandfather had the heart of a tiger
And a lifetime ban at the zoo
What is fog's favorite drink? Mountain Dew
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
Have you heard of the garlic diet? You don't lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner!
Which frog has horns?
A bull frog.
What do you call a punctual citrus fruit?
A Clockwork Orange.
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
Two male zebras in the Zoo started making rap-music.
They're called the Zbruhs.
I'm considering becoming a cinematografur.
Why did the two slices of bread disappear in the middle of the night? They wanted to e-loaf together.
What was the skeleton’s favorite Christmas candy?
Bone-bone.
How does a turtle feel after being electrocuted?
Shell-shocked.
I'm 6'6", 280lb, and I've played piano for 23 years
I'm a huge pianist.
What happened when the two giraffes had a race?
It was neck and neck.
As soon as one beaver jumped in the river to search for his key, it got shocked, as the current was too strong.
Don’t ever trust a leper-con!
When I went to the shop to buy some strawberries, they didn't have any. It was such a fruitless trip.
Judging by the sounds, there’s an ogre staying in the hotel room above me.
Hopefully he shreks out tomorrow.
Pink is the early bird of the rainbow colors, it's always the first to rose and shine.
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
What element is derived from a Norse god? Thorium.
If you were in the jungle and a gorilla charged you, what should you do?
Pay him.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot? A carrot!
Where do sharks go when they want a vacation? Finland
What do you call a rifle that shoots salt?
A salt rifle.
Tom threw Tim three thumbtacks.
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A snake in the brass.
What do you call a big queue of trucks, making cheesy one-liners? A pick-up line.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
Whats a good Spanish sports channel?
ESBieN.
What is a seals favorite subject?
Art Art Art Art!
What did the deer say after prancing around a cloning machine for an hour?
“I feel like a million bucks!”
Dud you know Astronauts said steaks are better in space?
They're a little meteor.
What kind of horse do you ride after dark?
A night mare.
What is a skeleton’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
Over the years, my neighbour has buried his deceased pets in his backyard, and to his surprise, a plant has sprung up.
It's a Cemer Tree.
My grand father always said "fight Fire with Fire".
He was a great man but a terrible Fireman
I’m Dublin down on what I said before.
How do astronauts eat their ice cream? In floats!
I bought my missus an egg-beater for our wedding anniversary.
I knew she wanted me to whisk her away.
What do you have to know to teach a bat tricks?
More than a bat.
You’re the queen of my heart.
I don’t know why everyone is so upset about untraditional family structures, it’s been happening in the animal world for years. For example, all water buffalos have three parents.
One oxygen buffalo and two hydrogen buffalos.
Every book has some flaws and mistakes, no matter how good the editor. It’s bound to happen.
Thirty-three thousand feathers on a thrush’s throat.
When is a synapse like a tree?
When it is pruned.
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
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