What do French cars wear as hats?
Bonnets.
What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog? Stop touching my buns!
If the Hubble Telescope got married...
It would be called the Hubby Telescope.
What language do they speak in Italy
Times New Roman.
Party Host: Would you like to try some mulled wine?
Party Guest: I'll have to think it over...
Q. What's a computer geek's favourite snack?
A. Microchips.
What’s Austrian and took over France?
Croissants.
What did the two onions who were lovers say to each other before being separated? "Our love will forever go-nion on!"
Which is the bar downtown that soccer players hate striking on? Crossbar.
Astronaut 1: I can't find any milk for my coffee.
Astronaut 2: In space, no one can. Here, use cream.
Irish I had better jokes.
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
There was a fisherman named Fisher
who fished for some fish in a fissure.
Till a fish with a grin,
pulled the fisherman in.
Now they're fishing the fissure for Fisher.
What activity should you do when you’re babysitting little cheeses?
Build a roquefort.
Historians have discovered a new Greek God who didn’t excel at anything.
His name was mediocretese.
How do you tell the difference between a rabbit and a gorilla?
A rabbit looks nothing like a gorilla
Why was the museum curator so good at judging paintings and sculptures? He was talented at art official intelligence.
Vincent vowed vengeance very vehemently.
Have you heard about the chocolate box thief? He’s always got a few Twix up his sleeve.
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.
What do a great hitter and a boxer have in common?
Both are serious sluggers.
What is the perfect name for a sad strawberry? It is called a blueberry.
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
I keep looking at our upstage platform that is designed with only a ladder for access. It's just so hard not to stair.
What's a nervous person's favorite drink?
Insecuri tea!
"Oh, sweet child of wine."
I think therefore I yam.
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
What happened to the shark who swallowed a bunch of keys?
It got lockjaw.
I’d like to throw away my old can, but my pusher friend here says he loves junk balls.
When do you put paprika on eggs? Fry-Day.
Why did the mouse eat a candle? For some light refreshment!
Why were the herbs not fully grown yet? They didn't have enough thyme!
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
What do you call a very little cherry? Pit-iful.
What do Ghosts say when they are impressed? - That was spectre-cular!
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
Don’t worry, Moher pictures are coming.
What did the pumpkin say to the jar? Soon I will be ajar too.
If you want to vacation in Italy, don't be afraid to Rome around.
Did you hear about the crocodile who was unable to mate?
He had a reptile dysfunction.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
What does Eric Clapton and a cup of coffee have in common? They both suck without Cream.
What does a fish say when he makes a mistake?
It was just a fluke!
"Dad, my computer can't find the Wifi printer anymore... I renamed it to Bob Marley, same password."
"Why Bob Marley?" - he asked.
"Because its always jammin"
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
"Bugs and hisses."
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