The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
I was just looking at my ceiling. I am not sure if it’s the best ceiling in the world, but it’s definitely up there.
What happens when an alligator drives a boat?
He becomes a navigator.
Why do freshwater fish cry so much?
They’re just a stream of emotions.
Where is a basketball player's favorite place to eat?
Dunkin' Donuts
What do you say when you catch a bee?
Behold!
What do you call a hospital ward full of epeliptic vegetables?
Seizure salad
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
You and I make a deluxe combo.
Daughter's boyfriend introduced himself to me and said "Hi sir I'm david, nice to meet you".
He put out his hand and I said "David are you nervous?" He said no, so I grabbed his hand looked him in the eyes and said...
"Then why are you shaking?"
I like to reminisce about the surgeon who removed my spine.
Really takes me back.
Why didn't the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!
How do you know it’s cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get
chocolate ice cream.
What do you call a serial killer watermelon? A slaughter melon.
What do you call a turtle who takes up photography?
A snapping turtle.
What is the difference between archeology and grave robbing?
About 200 years
I watched a documentary about corn fields
It was really quite amaizeing
Why Was The Teacher Annoyed With The Duck?
Because he wouldn't quit quackin' jokes!
What game do bats like to play with birds?
Bat-mington.
My wife asked me to pass her lip balm.
I gave her superglue instead.
She's still not talking to me.
Due to bad weather, I won't be attending the Meteorology Convention.
I'm gonna take a rain-check.
What did the duck eat for snack?
Salted Quackers.
Why did the bear dissolve in water?
It was polar.
Why did the duck go to the bank?
Because he wanted to get a new bill.
Why people did not like the restaurant on? Because there was literally no atmosphere.
What is the camels’ favorite nursery rhyme?
Humpty dumpty.
What do you call someone who steals from the keebler elves? A crook-ie
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
Ever hear about the computer programmer who moved to Mexico?
He wanted to be a Señor developer.
What makes politicians and planets similar?
They both take up space.
What do you get if you cross Bossy with a vampire?
Dracowla.
Why did two fishes go to the riverbank? They wanted to withdraw their fins.
What do you get when you cross a giraffe and a pig?
Bacon and legs.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
How does a crab go when it's right?
"Aw, snap!"
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
I dare you to lie that you didn’t find all these space puns hilarious. Th
Did you heard about the zombie crow? He wants to eat your grains.
My bank is really proud of me.
According to them, I have an outstanding balance!
Where do ghosts play golf?
On a golf corpse.
If a black bug bleeds black blood, what color blood does a blue bug bleed?
Why don’t giraffes make good pets?
They’re too high maintenance.
Living in france must be hard
I mean, 100 dollars is only a cent.
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve!
What do you call a doctor who became a delivery driver?
MedEx
What is it called when two Irish couples go out on a date?
Dublin.
My dad works in a steel plant.
He says it's very riveting.
Have you heard about the Italian Bigfoot?
The spag-yeti.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
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