What makes politicians and planets similar?
They both take up space.
What do you get if you cross Bossy with a vampire?
Dracowla.
Why did two fishes go to the riverbank? They wanted to withdraw their fins.
What do you get when you cross a giraffe and a pig?
Bacon and legs.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
How does a crab go when it's right?
"Aw, snap!"
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
I dare you to lie that you didn’t find all these space puns hilarious. Th
Did you heard about the zombie crow? He wants to eat your grains.
My bank is really proud of me.
According to them, I have an outstanding balance!
Where do ghosts play golf?
On a golf corpse.
If a black bug bleeds black blood, what color blood does a blue bug bleed?
Why don’t giraffes make good pets?
They’re too high maintenance.
Living in france must be hard
I mean, 100 dollars is only a cent.
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve!
What do you call a doctor who became a delivery driver?
MedEx
What is it called when two Irish couples go out on a date?
Dublin.
My dad works in a steel plant.
He says it's very riveting.
Have you heard about the Italian Bigfoot?
The spag-yeti.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
Ann and Andy's anniversary is in April.
Nurse: You can come by at 6 today. Very little patients today.
Man: What happened to the normal sized patients?
There’s a new dish out; it’s a cross between a cake and a bird. They call it a Flan-ingo.
What is the best part of Valentine’s day?
The day after, when all the chocolate goes on sale.
What type of apartment does a pun live in?
The pun-thouse!
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
Reading whilst sunbathing? You must be well-red!
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
What type of key opens a banana?
A monkey.
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
What are a golfer’s favorite flowers?
Fore-get-me-nots.
I squeezed a lemon on my wife's lap two hours ago...
She's been a sourpuss about it ever since.
In my grandparents time, an orange was considered a treat from Santa. Now kids want an apple.
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
Why does bread looks so bad in photographs?
It’s just too grainy.
Had a great weekend. Won the annual weather forecaster's championships!
I beat the raining champion.
I only have ice for you.
I went to see the Liberty Bell the other day.
It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.
What do cows sing at their friend’s birthday parties?
“Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo!"
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.
What is the warmest period in the history of the world's climate called?
Climax.
Last week, I met someone who specialized in the studies of shrubs and grasses. He called himself Neil De-grass-y Tyson!
Last night, I dreamed I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. But it was just a Fanta sea.
Which dance will a chicken not do?
The foxtrot.
When I got mugged on my way back from the greengrocers, I was peach-less!
All clover the world.
Should you plant flowers in any month besides April?
May as well!
Go to BabaMail
