Dreaming in color is the artist's pigment of imagination.
Did you hear about the two silk worms in a race?
It ended in a tie.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
What do seals do when they need medical attention?
Sea kelp.
What do your call a dinosaur with one eye? Eye-saur.
Who holds sermons during Sunday in Italy?
The Pasta.
What do you call it when a cheese goes #2?
Fondue-due.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
What did the pizza say to the delivery guy?
“You don’t pepper-own me.”
…and what did the delivery guy say in reply?
“Hey now, don’t get saucy.”
Did you hear about the frozen dessert whose wife had a baby?
Now he’s a popsicle.
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.
What did the evaporating raindrop say?
I’m going to pieces.
Two fruit flies are out for dinner.
I'm really enjoy this date...”
“Yeah, but it’s only half rotten.”
What is the deer’s favorite food group?
“Deer-y products!”
My uncle moved to Spain to sing on stage by night and sell UPVC windows by day. He changed his name to....
Enrique Doubleglazius.
My wife's been on a banana diet.
She hasn't lost any weight, but you should see her climb trees now!
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
"Odor in the court!"
You can only know the heart of a pineapple with a knife.
I switched labels in my wife's spice cabinet.
She hasn't noticed, but the thyme is cumin.
Kindly kittens knitting mittens keep kazooing in the king’s kitchen.
Q. Why couldn't the dinosaur play games on the computer?
A. Because he ate the mous
What do you call a luxurious ant?
Decad-ant.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
"I wood never leaf you."
Why did the engineering students leave class early? They were getting a little ANSI.
In a world that is full of apples, it is much better to be a pineapple.
What are pig criminals known for? Pigpockets.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
What did the ghost buy at the bar? Boos!
What goes hiss, swish, hiss swish every time it rains? A windscreen viper.
Reading is a novel idea.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
New Age music.
You are aged to perfection.
What do murderers drink? Cruel-tea.
I'd advise against letting a vampire drive you home after a Halloween party. They never check their mirrors, it will drive you batty.
I am reading a horror story in Braille.
Someone is going die, I can feel it.
Did you hear about the monk who was caught molesting kids? Yeah, bastard was telling the poor kids to touch his eunuch-horn.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
Why did the panda’s joke suck?
It was unbearable.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
What does a basketball player say when he misses?
Shoot!
What do you have to know to teach a bat tricks?
More than a bat.
Why do we love wine puns?
Because they're grape!
What breed of dog will laugh at any joke?
A Chi-ha-ha
Building a good makeup design always starts with a good foundation.
Which Finn is like a hotdog on the ice? Teemu Salami.
Q. What kind of underwear do s*xy gorillas wear?
A. Chim-pant-zies.
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