Why did the ocean leave the party early?
She was getting really tide.
What is a koala bear’s favorite mixed drink? A pina koala.
What's the difference between Amazon Prime and the Amazon River? The Amazon River actually has sails.
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
Why did the neuron like to sleep in the top bunk bed?
It wanted to have a high resting potential.
The injured player wanted to congratulate the winner, but he couldn’t walkover to the other side of the court.
There was a fish who wanted to be a broadcaster...
Until he went on air.
Fancy a climb? Mount me in.
If you were a triangle, you’d be acute one.
I was at an office conference this past autumn. I made a new friend and when I asked for his contact details, he said, "Here is my November!"
What did the duck say when she purchased new lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
The ruddy widow really wants ripe watermelon and red roses when winter arrives.
During the blizzard, the jalapeno said, I'm a little chilli.
What do you call a giant gorilla with pean u t butter in one ear and Jam in the other?
Anything you want, he's not going to hear you!
What are male twins inside a pregnant woman called?
Em-bro-yos.
Why do Geologists go to Lollapalooza? To get their "Rock" On.
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice. Nothing he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
What do you call a pig with skin problems? A wart-hog.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
Even during thunderstorms, Santa can still deliver presents because raindeers fly his sleigh.
I bought an old stereo.
My wife has her doubts, but I think it's a sound investment.
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
Busy buzzing bumble bees.
My wife asked me, “Did you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”
I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.”
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
Many people think that when warm droplets of water in the air are rapidly cooled it forms fog.
But it’s actually a common mist-conception.
My friend Joe recently went on the Dolly Parton diet...
It made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean!
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
Why did the cookie monster rob the keebler elves? Because they had a lot of dough.
Q. What do you get if you cross a deer with an Aussie Joey?
A. A buck-er-roo.
What happens before it starts raining candy?
It sprinkles!
“My favorite color is tangerine- isn’t that orange-inal?”
What do leprechauns love to barbecue? Short ribs!
You can’t possibly play soccer in the amazon jungle because there are far too many cheetahs.
My boss fired me.
"Why?" I asked.
He said, "You always question authority."
"How?"
Did you hear about the lawyer who tried to sue a shark for biting all his limbs off?
He didn’t have a leg to stand on.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
Why do grizzlies never look sad?
Because whenever there’s a problem, they just grin and bear it.
What do you call a tiger who always gets the same grades as one other person? A tie-ger.
When she saw all the madness around her, March said, “what’s all that bracket”.
Artists are colorful people who know how to draw on their emotions.
What did one pirate say to the other when he beat him in chess.
Check matey!
What’s the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush?
One crushes boats and the other brushes coats!
Where do ghosts play golf?
On a golf corpse.
Why did the penguin cross the road twice?
To prove he wasn’t chicken.
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
What is the difference between a car and a bull?
A car only has one horn.
How do penguins drink?
Out of beak-ers.
Why cant a mosquito stand on his feet?
because they dont have mosquiTOES.
Where do saplings go to learn?
Elementree school
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