How do you kill a troll?
Take away its internet access.
Their engagement is yet to be made offishell.
Wife told me to grow a pear.
I did. It tasted delicious.
What do u get from a perverted apple? Hard Cider.
What do you call a group of rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hareline
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars? Tyrannosaurus wrecks!
If fish is brain food, what do dumb people eat? Noodle soup.
Where is a basketball player's favorite place to eat?
Dunkin' Donuts
What do you call someone from Spain who lives near the Portuguese border?
Span-ish.
Santa's Short Suit Shrunk
Why did the pirate captain want to hire a baseball player?
He knew he had a chest protector.
Why are goats from France musical?
Because they have French horns.
o my friend Justin was late for the football game.
But that’s okay because he arrived Justin time for kickoff.
"I need to re-wine my life."
Why did the FBI surround the president with cows? They were beefing up security!”
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
What do you call a secret group of llamas?
The i-llama-nati.
What's the opposite of Green Tea? Fat-Tea.
Have you ever heard of the Crows Law Of Energy Conservation?
It's also known as the Law of Caws and Effect.
Time to spruce things up.
My doctor says I should get my ears cleaned every 12 months.
I think he means ear-ly.
Do you know what would happen when you throw a Finnish sailor into the ocean?
Helsinki.
What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his toe?
Mitosis!
There are actually two types of apple: pine – apple and bad – apple.
Dracula always read the best selling local newspaper because he heard that it had a good circulation.
You are un-beer-lievable!
A mother mountain says to her moody teenage mountain “don’t you give me that altitude!!”
What do you call a sarcastic mermaid?
A sigh-ren.
Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice? It said concentrate.
My father decided to mow the lawn today. As he mowed, all the grass blade.
Whatever floats your goat.
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
What is the difference between a trumpet soloist and King Kong? King Kong is more sensitive.
Distill my beating heart.
What’s the only thing divorce proves?
Whose mother was right in the first place.
How many dinosaurs can fit in an empty box ? One . After that, the box isn't empty anymore!
How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?
Because the oignon est!
Why did the submarine driver lose his job
Old, racist tweets resurfaced
I heard someone broke out of prison using a sheep
I didn’t believe it until I saw the news and he was on the lamb.
Putting on makeup and putting on glasses serve the same purpose...
They make the person look better!
What do you call a metalhead working at Cold Stone? Alice Scooper.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Why did they let the turkey join the band? Because he had the drumsticks
Theatre costumes must be handled with care since they're often laced with something.
Take a pitcher. It'll last longer.
What kind of dishes do skeletons serve tea on?
Bone china.
When I was in grade school, one of my best friends spoke Mandarin. One day, he introduced me to his parents and I told them I don’t speak orange.
A protestor threw a bunch of spices on Jason "Pink" London, but all it did was leave him "Saged and Confused".
The artist successfully climbed the highest peak in the country. He attributed his success to the song, 'Paint No Mountain Higher!'
During the pandemic, all the children asked to draw pictures of the different types of grass. The children had to submit their grass-essments online.
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