What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
What’s a horse’s favorite dinosaur?
The broncosaurus.
Good gourd, pumpkin spice latte season is officially here.
How do you greet a skeleton in france?
"Bonejour."
What do rodents say when they play bingo? 'Eyes down for a full mouse'!
What do you call a can of soda in a conglomerate? Coca-Cola Clastic.
I had to give an impromptu speech on a piece of cloth that encircles the wrist...
I spoke off the cuff on the cuff.
'what's the Wifi password?'
'Its for security'
'Haha, yes, I know that. But what's the password?'.
'No, it's 'forsecurity'. All one word, lower case.'.
My friend went on a date with a Cardio Nurse
His heart was racing the whole time.
Why are bananas never lonely?
Because they hang around in bunches.
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
How do you apologize to a koala? BEAR your heart and soul.
What's the difference between chemistry and cooking
In chemistry you should never lick the spoon.
Jameson on St. Patrick’s Day? It’s worth a shot.
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
What do baby ghosts wear on Halloween? Pillowcases.
True house cleaners aren't just born
They're maid.
An egg walks into a bar...
And makes a real mess.
How did Dr. Frankenstein pay the men who built his monster?
On a piece rate.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
What did the cow that was struck by lightning say?
I'm udderly shocked.
Wind energy is so popular. It has a lot of fans.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
Why do leaves change color in the fall? Because they want to leaf their old color.
A small child was brought into hospital the other day after swallowing several small toy horses.
The doctors report that he is in a stable condition.
The guy nearly saw a murder when he almost ran over his car over a couple of crows.
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
What words do windmills live by? One good turn deserves another!
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth? Hard cheese!
Where do gorillas keep their beehives?
Apeiaries.
What happens when and ice cube gets angry?
It boils with anger, then lets off some steam.
Where do phones like to travel?
To the Great Call of China!
What’s a calendars favorite fruit?
Dates.
What is a car’s favourite colour?
Racing car green.
"I whip my hare back and forth."
How do bears keep their houses cool in summer?
Bear conditioning.
Did you hear about the football team that drafted a vending machine?
They really needed a quarter back!
Why can’t people hear your scream in the space? Because it’s miles away.
I like my breakfast like my tennis grip: Continental.
Do you know how long dinosaurs should be fed? Exactly the same as short dinosaurs!
Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.
What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair? Chocolate Chip Wookiee.
Make it rein.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
Have a s-mash-ing birthday!
Which car does the Mensa student drive?
A Smart car.
After completing the deadline just in the nick of time, the artist breathed a cyan of relief.
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