You better beer-live it!
What do you call a kung-fu match between a married couple?
Marital Arts!
Double bubble gum, bubbles double
Say it ain’t snow.
The Doctor could tell right away the bucket was sick.
It was looking a bit pale.
We’re trying to pool off the party of the summer.
During the summer break, I enrolled myself in a peach coding course.
Why were the volleyball players always tying in tic tac toe? Each time one of them sets an X, the other player just says O.
Knife and a fork bottle and a cork
that is the way you spell New York.
Chicken in the car and the car can go,
that is the way you spell Chicago.
Which animal can hibernate while standing on its head?
Yoga Bear.
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
I ordered the wrong kind of flowers online for Valentines Day.
Oops e-daisies.
What do you get when someone stares coldly at you?
Glare ice.
What do you give to a sick lemon?
lemonaid.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
Why did the River go to the doctor? Her flow wouldn't stop.
“What do you call an elf that runs away from Santa’s Workshop? A rebel without a Claus.”
Ever use one of those expensive toothbrushes?
It's breath-taking.
What did the Gorilla say when he saw there was a sale happening?
Ooh! OOh! OOOh!!!!
What did France, Great Britain, and their allies say after The Great War?
World War Won.
Did you hear about the kangaroo with glasses?
He had to go to the hopthalmologist.
I got sacked from my job at the guillotine factory today
It’s a cut throat business
Why was there lightning and thunder in the lab?
The scientists were brainstorming.
Whoever slit the sheets is a good sheet slitter.
Who brings presents for crows on Christmas? On Christmas? Santa Caws
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen Pregnant? He forgot to wrap his whopper!
What board game do deer families always play?
Buck-gammon.
What's the name of the machine the ancient greeks used to calculate how best to fight hybrid monsters?
The antichimera mechanism.
Did you hear about the football team that drafted a vending machine?
They really needed a quarter back!
Tie twine to three tree twigs.
My Physics teacher said I have no potential.
Joke's on her, I just bought a ladder.
My doctor didn’t show up to the appointment about my hairline.
He said it got pushed back
Can I be Candide with you?
Why do witches only ride their broomsticks at night?
That's the time to sweep.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
How many grammar cops does it take to change a light bulb?
Too.
Uni-corn? I though that’s what you call a single grain or maize.
When it comes to seasonal drinks, more and more are converting to the church of pumpkin spice,
but I choose to remain eggnogstic.
When the ghost went to a fancy restaurant, he decided to wear a boo-tie.
A thesaurus' favorite thing to eat for breakfast is a synonym roll.
Girls just wanna have sun!
What do you call pears with no ears?
Deaf.
Two crows land on a park bench.
They were arrested for conspiring to murder.
What do you call an old snowman?
Water.
What happens when a frogs car breaks down?
It has to be toad away.
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
A french farmer who owned an olive plantation had a huge fire
He was extremely sad, he had lost his all his huile d'olive.
Keep Your Friends Close, Your Utility Keys Closer.
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