What do you call a guy with an ear fetish.
Hard for hearing.
Someone once asked if I ever played the violin
I told him that I had fiddled with it.
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea weed.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
Follow the fresh prints.
Her name is Carly and she's a doctor
maybe I should C A Rly good doctor.
What do you call a noisy group of crows?
A caw-cophony!
Thinking about selling my crab so i could make money. Then I realised "am I really this shellfish"?
A crow invited his buddies over to hang out but they didn’t show up.
He was charged with attempted murder.
What kind of hair style does a bee get?
A buzz cut
I’m never board when I’m at the pool.
He threw three free throws.
What do you call a troll that’s in charge?
In control.
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
I hope you have an absolutely fin-tastic day!
Mommy, Mommy, what’s a werewolf?
Don’t worry about that honey and comb your face!
What's the difference between a Yankee Stadium hot dog and a Fenway Park hot dog? You can buy a Yankee Stadium hot dog in October.
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
No one likes eating outside in the winter.
It’s frost come, frost served.
What do you call a serial killer on acid?
Jack the tripper.
Why do bananas like to use sunscreen?
Because they peel!
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a water hose?
Hare spray.
What do you call a rubber bumper on a yacht?
A shark absorber.
If marriage is grand, what is divorce?
Ten grand!
What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Bamboo.
To begin to toboggan first buy a toboggan, but don’t buy too big a toboggan. Too big a toboggan is too big a toboggan to buy to begin to toboggan.
What do you do when you try to bake a cherry pie for the first time and it doesn't turn out so well? Just wait for the second bite of the cherry.
What did mutter say to paneer? Tu cheese badi hai mast mast.
Why does the mermaid wear seashells?
Because she grew out of her B-shells.
What was the worst crime in the tree kingdom? Tree-son.
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
I had a job directing an elementary school theater production.
It wasn't hard work, after all, it was child's play.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Accordion
Accordion who?
Accordion to the forecast, it's going to rain tonight.
What do you say when you go to a dinner with a bunch of osteopathologists?
Bone appetit!
My Chinese neighbour said he's just opened a crows shop.
Speaking slowly, I said "you mean a *clothes* shop?"
He says, "No, a crows shop - come in and have a rook."
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
My mother says: “Leave that peach cobbler alone on the table!” However, I cannot help myself and sneak in to watch it making beautiful peach shoes.
Building Inspectors should be stricter in Pisa, Italy.
Since they are a bit too *lean*ient.
In one Fall swoop, it's autumn again!
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener
Before training its killer dolphins, Iran had to convert them to fishlam.
What do you call a woman standing in the middle of a tennis court?
Anette.
Why don’t clams give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish!
Where do connoisseurs lock up their best bottles?
In a wine cabernet.
Q: Why does a hurricane wear a monocle?
A: It has only had one eye!
Two spines are running up the hill as a hedgehog passes by them
Then one spine turns and says to the other “we missed the bus!!”
How do nurses and doctors keep people from lying about their medical history?
They use the de-FIB-rillator.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
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