Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
I left chess club early this week.
I was just so board.
Where do rabbits learn how to fly? In the hare force!
What kind of dog loves bubble baths?
A shampoodle.
Why did the cat run away from the tree? Because of its bark!
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
Eat, drink and be rosemary.
Dear Mother in law...Don't teach me how to bring up my children...
I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
I'm like a cow in tall grass,
I'm utterly tickled to be here.
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
Why did the penguin cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What did the flower say when he wanted a second chance?
I’ll grow on you.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
I went to a mosquito themed restaurant.
It wasn't very good, though. After a few bites I got up and left.
What kind of cheese is really good at guitar?
Shreddar.
How do crabs evade taxes?
They set up shell corporations.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
My deaf girlfriend just told me, “We need to talk.”
That is not a good sign.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!
I remember asking my dad repeatedly what the acronym LGBTQ meant.
I never got a straight answer.
What do you call a frog with no back legs?
Unhoppy.
How many lips does a flower have?
Tulips.
What kind of wine is aged to purr-fection?
Mos-cat-o!
Did you hear that cats have carried out a Coup in Barcelona and declared independence from Spain?
They're calling themselves the Republic of Catalo-nya.
To all the people that don't cover their mouths then they cough.
You make me sick.
Beauty is only pig skin deep
Why couldn’t the police arrest the skeleton?
They couldn’t pin anything on him.
My wife first agreed to a date after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.
I Schwepped her off her feet.
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
Case in punt
Why can’t a car play football?
Because it only has one boot.
What’s a skeleton’s next favorite rock band?
Bone Jovi.
How many prison guards does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None they just beat the room for being black.
Large, pink birds are a good asset to a football team. They’re very used to playing flamingoalie.
I heard there are some fires near Greece
We’re gonna need a lot of baking soda.
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance style? Hip-Hop!
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
When the going gets tough, let the pins fall where they may.
What is the invisible man's favorite shampoo?
Clear.
Which Bible Character is a locksmith?
Zaccheus.
Never believe minotaurs...
Half of everything they say is bull.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Where do horses get their weaves from?
Mane.
What do you call a program that uses every possible combination to crack a password?
A battering R.A.M.
Why are horses so good at the shooting range?
They’re hunters.
Cheesy Valentines Day Sayings
What do you call a pair of cornstalks that are best friends?
Ear buds!
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