What do you call a Sith Lord who likes to go fishing? Darth Wader.
There’s this corn on the cob stand that I really like, but it started making ads
They were really corny.
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
Kindly kittens knitting mittens keep kazooing in the king’s kitchen.
What did the eyewitness tell the cops after a computer robbed a bank?
It went data way!
At What Time Does A Duck Wake Up?
At the quack of dawn.
What's so special about twitter alphabet soup? It only has 140 letters.
Why don’t fairies live under toadstools?
Because there’s not mushroom in the enchanted forest.
What do you call a light-headed elephant?
An ele-faint.
How many volleyball referees do you need to screw in a light bulb? None because they are always in the dark.
Why did the barber win the race?
He took a short cut!
If you search for pictures of corn on Google you'll only get stalk pictures.
Can anyone advise me what color my hair is?
I find it's a bit of a grey area.
What do you think holds the moon up? Moonbeams.
R.I.P boiled water. You will be mist
Why was the painter upset when his doctor bought all of his paintings? The doctor thought the paintings would go up in value after his death.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
A storefront that boasts a fruit pun, just peachy.
Which Halloween treat is going to keep a crow up all night? A crowfee apple.
How did the gambler know his hand would stink?
Because he was holding deuces.
Why do bananas wear suntan lotion? Because they peel!
My wife and I got married under a cell phone tower.
The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was perfect.
When do monkeys fall from the sky?
During APE-ril showers.
If you’re looking for Valentine’s Day inspiration for a meat loving crush, try “Will you beef my Valentine?”
What is a monster's favorite food? Ghoul scout cookies.
On a lazy laser raiser lies a laser ray eraser.
How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook?
An arm and a leg!
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot!
I wish they’d change the scoring system, but tennis is set in its ways and doesn’t see the point.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
What kind of horse would Bilbo Baggins ride?
A shire.
Sherlock Holmes enters a room carrying a box of lemons
"Where'd you get those?" asks Watson.
"A lemon tree, my dear Watson. A lemon tree."
What is a parrot’s favorite game?
Beakaboo
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
He says to the doctor, "Help me Doc, what's the matter with me?"
The doctor replies, "That's easy. You're not eating properly."
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
What do cows do for entertainment?
They rent moovies!
We were mermaid for each other.
Mr. Tongue Twister tried to train his tongue to twist and turn, and twit an twat, to learn the letter "T".
What do you call a gorilla with a machine gun ?
Whatever it wants to be called.
We bee-long together.
Why did the owl 'owl?
Because the Woodpecker would peck 'er.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
Why are some umpires fat?
Because they always clean the plate.
This hottie has forever changed the film industry, and it starts with the letter P and ends with 'orn'. Reel your mind back in - we're talking popcorn!
What is a cow's favorite lunch meat? Bullogna
What do you call a camel without humps?
Humphrey.
I've recently started up a band called "Mum's The Word."
If anyone asks, you've not seen us.
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
What happens to great actors? They get nominated for an a-cat-emy award!
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