How did the horse know the others were gossiping about him?
He herd.
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
He knew literally everything about the constellations. Some might even say that his knowledge of the night sky was astronomical.
Why is it easy for chicks to talk?
Because talk is cheep.
A sad peach can be really pit-iful, sometimes.
What do you call Dragon with no silver?
A dron.
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You think dinosaurs are scary?
Imagine dragons!
What birds should you recycle?
Toucans.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
If your team loses the Souper Bowl, then be prepared for a lot of boouillons from your fans.
Did you hear about the guy who got killed by a bear?
It was a grizzly death.
Happy St. Cat-rick’s day!
I banged my head on a low bridge.
Would have been ok if viaduct.
What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? a thesaurus.
Why did the chick disappoint his mother?
He wasn’t what he was cracked up to be.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
Which tool does a peach biologist often use for its experiment? – A peachtree dish (Petri dish).
If practice makes perfect and perfect needs practice, I’m perfectly practiced and practically perfect.
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Because they wouldn't take a bath!
Today I learned that the Pentagon was supposed to be the Octagon.
But the contractor kept cutting corners.
Why do wookies love chocolate chip cookies? Because they are chewy.
The Earth without 'art'...
....is 'EH'
How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook?
An arm and a leg!
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
The viking Rudolph the Red looked outside and proclaimed it was going to rain.
His wife asked him, “What makes you say that?”
He replied, “Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen Pregnant? He forgot to wrap his whopper!
What happened when Dr. Frankenstein swallowed some uranium?
He got atomic ache.
Did you hear about the neutron who was arrested?
He was released without charge.
Q: What happened to the peach who went to meet the knife?
A: He came back in many peaches.
What’s the worst thing about a bread pun?
It tends to get stale.
"I'm so egg-cited for Easter."
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
What Beatles song charted highest in Italy?
Penne Lane.
What is the first thing that gorillas learn at kindergarten?
Apey Cee's?
I for one
is something you might do if you had a broken keyboard
How did the cowboy greet the equestrian?
Howdy Neigh-bor.
What did the Italian marine Biologist say when asked to identify an eel?
That's a moray!
The lake did not like the river because it felt that the river was not very lake-able.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese!
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
I met a girl in a vegetarian restaurant who said she recognized me, but I have literally never seen herbivore.
What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio? Cool Music
I went to watch a play and there were so many peach errors in the dialogues.
Why don't birds make cell phone calls? They might accidentally wing the wrong number.
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
Air resistance is a real drag.
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
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