Rudder valve reversals
Whatever coats your boat.
Why couldn't anyone see the flamingo? It was in de skies.
What do chic evergreens wear for cruelty-free fashion? Faux fir.
It’s really annoying being stuck behind a flamingo in a car. They literally never put their foot down.
What did the sea say to the river? You can run but you can't tide.
Where does a pineapple and cucumber vacation? Somewhere tropical (tro-pickle).
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
How did the hotdog ask the ketchup out?
He mustard up the courage.
I read a story about pig anatomy.
It was all straightforward until I found a twist in the tale.
What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?
You get as far away as possible.
Where was the first donut cooked?
In Greece.
Is the city bus running on time? No, it’s running on diesel.
You’re the tater to my tot. I miss you a lot!
If you mix a ghost and a cow together, you will create vanishing cream.
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
What did the Endoplasmic Reticulum say to the Golgi. I like your body, and the Golgi said it's complex.
How do you give a deer a compliment?
“Fawn over him!”
What do you call an ant who skips school?
A truant.
A lion would never cheat on its wife.
But a Tiger wood.
Why was the mouse afraid of the water?
Catfish.
What did the husband beaver say to the wife beaver to express his love and gratitude? You are the one for me, waddle I do without you?
What do you call a bear that jumps but never lands?
Peter Panda.
How did Reese eat her soup? Witherspoon.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
I put some salt on my mobile. Now it’s a saxaphone.
When I got my first job at the bowling alley, I was only tenpin.
Why did the other volleyball team bow? Because they heard that the queens of the court were there.
Asked the librarian rather loudly for the wifi password. He said "Sshhhhhh!" I asked "is that all lower case?"
What is a car’s favourite film?
Taxi.
Where does a brain go on vacation?
To a hippo camp us.
What did James Bond’s mom say as she was giving birth?
"I’ve been expecting you, Mr. Bond."
What did the fish say when it ran into the wall?
Dam.
What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.
My neighbors house got struck by lightning.
It hit close to home.
The ocean made me salty.
I think you're mer-mazing.
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
How many ears do you think a Spock has? Three. A right ear, left ear, and a final front ear.
What do we call a flock of sheep that tumbles down a mountain? They are called a lamb-slide.
Finally, the soccer ball decided to quit the team. The reason behind its move was that it was tied of being kicked around.
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, know what I have in common with this new powder? 8 inches.
How does the Easter bunny stay in shape?
Lots of eggs-ercise!
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
How do the Skywalkers like their bath water?
Luke-warm.
What did the gardeners say when he discovered nasty weeds in his garden?
I have spotted spurge!
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
Who is the coolest Doctor in the hospital?
The hip Doctor!
Who is the second coolest man in hospital?
The hip replacement guy!
Please stop making jokes about little people
How would you feel if a bunch of giants made jokes about you?
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