A zoo owner introduced his tiger to the visitors by saying "this is the most paw-some tiger at the zoo".
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
Why did the elephant ask to borrow a suitcase?
Because he only had a little trunk.
The fisherman was playing his out-of-tune guitar.
Luckily he caught a Tuna
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
What's the difference between an owl and an Irish funeral?
One's awake in the night and the other's a wake in the day.
It’s really easy to send a nice card to a flamingo. You just write “Hope you have a flamingood…”
What is the most disgusting perfume ever made?
Eau de colon.
What does a man consider a seven-course meal? A hot dog and a six pack of beer.
Why do piglets take home economics in school? To learn how to sow.
Grasshoppers do not fancy soccer matches because most of them prefer cricket matches.
Have you heard of the story about the campanologist without arms?
Doesn't ring a bell.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
Easter dinner was great today
We made sure it had all the crucifixins'.
My Roomba accidentally rolled out of my front door, and the neighborhood squirrels and rabbits immediately started attacking it.
Nature abhors a vacuum.
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
“I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes.”
Why don’t monkeys play cards in the jungle?
Because there are too many cheetahs.
Which technique does a Gorilla borrow from another animal when it gets romantic? The bear hug!
What do you call a deer that can write with both hands?
Bambi-dextrous.
Why does the earth appreciate the moon so much?
It keeps the oceans tidy.
If you see a ghost, you should always say, 'How do you boo?'
What is the best period of a bee's relationship?
The honeymoon.
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
You’re turtle-ly awesome.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
How did the hotdog ask the ketchup out?
He mustard up the courage.
I boiled a funny bone once.
It turned into a laughing stock.
The stormy weather affected my ability to remember my alphabets. I remember A, B, C, D, and F but I misty.Someone got hurt from a fistful of grass thrown at them with force. When they pressed charges, the cops charged the culprit with physical grass-ault.
What did the kitten say after a disaster? That was cat-astrophic
What do you call a cat that is scared of small spaces? Clawstrophobic!
Why are ducks bad drivers?
Their windshields are qwacked.
What’s the only fruit that never gets lonely?
A pear.
What do you get when you play Tug-of-War with a pig? Pulled-Pork
What do you call an ant dipped in chocolate? Decad-ant.
What happens when you rub two oranges together?
You get Pulp Friction.
Q: What is a peach’s favorite book?
A: War and Peach
Busy buzzing bumble bees.
Why is it called Almond Milk?
Because no one would buy it if it was called Nut Juice.
We all know that the New England Patriots have their soup in the Super Bowl.
Be careful out there during the snowstorm. It ain't snow joke.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
What does a priest put on his salad?
Lettuce spray.
What did the egg do when it saw the frying pan?
It scrambled.
Where does a penguin keep its money?
In a snow bank.
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
I’m a hardcore believer in the “i before e except after c” rule
It’s science.
A couple is in marriage counseling and the wife tells the therapist that the husband never buys her flowers.
The husband says...
"I didn’t even know she sold flowers!"
What do you call a pickle lullaby?
A cucumber slumber number.
Flamingos are great at surfing the internet. I think it’s because they have webbed feet.
Go to BabaMail
