What do you call a connection between two points in space-time through which only dragons can pass?
A wyrmhole.
Why don’t readers have extra time? They’re booked.
“Look out for Santa Paws!”
What did the frustrated doctor say to the nurse?
Gauze dammit!
All theatres love to see scarecrows out in the audience as reviewers! They're simply outstanding in their field.
Werewolves love similes and metafurs.
What kind of socks does a gardener wear?
Garden hose!
The crow decided to dress up as Corvid-19 virus for the Halloween costume party.
I'm not the fig plucker,
nor the fig plucker's son,
but I'll pluck figs
till the fig plucker comes.
My strategy is simple, knocking them down a pin at a time.
So, if I heat my solid state hard drive until it becomes a gaseous state hard drive
Would that mean I'm doing cloud computing?
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
I saw a lion in a bar, trying to pick up a lioness literally half his age
and I'm like "man, you must have *no* pride"
Judging by the sounds, there’s an ogre staying in the hotel room above me.
Hopefully he shreks out tomorrow.
What do you call a bulletproof Irish man?
Rick O’Shay.
A wolfswagon rabbit is by far the best car you can gift a wolf.
What song was the peach listening to? 'Stronger with Peach Tear'.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
What did Russian do after they made the vaccine ?
They Put-in.
Did you know that ghosts call their true love their ghoul-friend?
What do you say if you meet a toad?
Wart's new?
Why did the farmer feed money to his cow?
He wanted rich milk.
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
Why do crabs never give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
I was surprised when I saw a man get struck by lightning.
The man was shocked as well.
I knew a vampire who was trying to become an actor. He gave it his best shot, but ended up retraining. He just couldn't find a role he could sink his teeth into.
Cherry pie can be a bit aggressive. Rumor has it they go around saying, “Hey! You want a piece of me?”
How much dew does a dewdrop drop
If dewdrops do drop dew?
They do drop, they do
As do dewdrops drop
If dewdrops do drop dew.
My dad always said the secret to theatre was to always leave them wanting more.
He was a great guy but a terrible anaesthetist.
Why do werewolves do well at school?
Because every time they’re asked a question, they come up with a snappy answer!
I quit my job as a scuba diving instructor after my first day at work.
Deep down I realized it wasn’t for me.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
What do you call a rich goblin?
GOBLING.
What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist’s arm?
A tattoo.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
What happened when the tiger ate the comedian?
He felt funny!
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
Cleaning my cold frame is a pane in the glass.
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
Which element is a member of famous rock band?
Hg
A book fell on my head. I can only blame my shelf.
Why did the watermelon go crazy?
“He lost his rind.”
What did the giant say after he ate Fiji?
- I want Samoa!
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, do you believe in love at first sight, or should I go around this chairlift again?
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all.
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