How did Michael Jackson revolutionize cooking in space?
Moon Wok!
What did the woodworm say to the chair?
It's been nice gnawing you.
Where do horses go to the bathroom?
The bathroom stall-ion.
I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises from, then it dawned on me.
What type of tool does a prehistoric reptile carpenter use? A dino-saw. Who makes the best prehistoric reptile clothes ? A dino-sewer.
Mountains aren't funny....? They're hilarious.
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a philosopher?
An offer you can't understand.
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
What do snowmen do on Christmas?
Play with the snow angels.
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
What do you call bacon with salt on it?
Salt and Peppa.
What was the most famous bat comedy team?
Ab-bat and Costello.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite movie?
A. Planet of the Apes.
Why is the corn army so dysfunctional?
Cause there are too many Kernels.
Why was the pony so excited to be invited to a rally with the president?
It was a huge end-horse-ment.
Basketball players are not that patient to follow-through an elaborate court-ship procedure.
I've finally worked out why Spain is so good at football
Nobody expects the Spanish in position.
How do you know when a cheese is full of himself?
Whatever you say, he’ll say he is feta.
My friend learned Spanish by jotting sentences repeatedly...
He used wrote learning.
Watson: Holmes, What kind of rock is this?
Holmes: Sedimentary, my dear Watson.
How do you know if it’s too hot in the chicken barn?
The chickens are laying hard-cooked eggs.
What do you call a single, solitary kernel of corn?
A unicorn!
I was washing the car with my son, until he said...
“Dad, please, can’t you just use a sponge?”
Elephant boxing matches are very difficult to watch. It becomes tough to identify as both have grey trunks!
Why did everyone want to go to Italy during World War II?
They were Fascistanating.
Where do horses buy groceries?
Whinny-Dixie.
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
Due to social distancing, I had a conversation with a spider today,
Seems nice, he’s a web designer.
What do you call a Blind Dinosaur's Dog? Do-ya-think-he-saurus-rex.
What did the lightning say to the fireworks?
"Hey! You stole my thunder."
What is a blue whale’s favourite James Bond Film?
Licence to Krill.
What can you only drink in the Middle East? Dust-Tea.
Have you ever heard of the Poder bird?
It is also known as the Toucan
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
What did the therapist say to the pineapple? Look on the bright side.
The football won’t be the only thing spiked at this party.
I’ve started to plant my herbs in alphabetical order. People ask me how I find the time. I tell them “it’s next to the sage”.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Did you hear about the rundown swimming pool?
It was a real dive!
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
Why did the parmesan swipe left on the cheddar?
His pick-up line was too cheesey.
What does a mermaid say when she was leaving the party?
- Sea ya later.
How do horses get to another star system? They travel through intergalloptic space.
How do you kiss someone at the end of the world?
On the apoca-lips.
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? A hot, diggety dog.
What did the egg do when it saw the frying pan?
It scrambled.
What do you call an old dog?
Grandpaw.
What Christmas carol do candy bars sing? Almond Joy To The World.
What kind of noise does a witch’s vehicle make?
Brrrroooom, brrroooom.
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