What is suns favourite chocolate bar?
A milky way
"Cabernet. More like, caber-yay!"
How did the Iceland repel the bananas attack? By freezing them
What is a car’s favourite element?
Carbon.
I tripped over a floor tile in the bathroom today. Got out alright, but it's safe to say...
I got floored.
What did Shakespeare say as he was making a cheese plate?
To brie or not to brie.
What style of classical music do sheep most enjoy?
Baa-roque
Why did the dairy farmer go on a diet? She wanted to cheddar a few pounds!
Somebody was doing a speech and said, "This might be corny," and pulled out a couple of canned corns. Guess what happened next?
Total pundemonium.
I recently got offered a job studying fog but I turned it down.
Looking back, I now think it was a mist opportunity.
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
Why was the crocodile invited to glamorous parties?
Because she was a snappy dresser.
There’s muffin I wouldn’t do for breakfast.
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
Have you heard what happened to unemployed perfume makers?
They are not making any scents.
Jack has a large neck so he decided to wear a bowtie to his wedding. Otherwise, he’d end up with a tiebreak.
Why didn’t one skeleton want to look at the other skeleton?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
Why is the pickle container always open?
Because it's ajar.
What do you get if you cross a pelican and zebra? Two streets further away.
Why was the crow upset about his job? The HR fired the crow with no caws.
What do you call a Mexican snake?
Hisssspanic.
I used to hate tennis, but ever since I’ve started winning 6-0, I love it now.
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
I didn’t know you could vape a chocolate bar until my wife told me to stop inhaling them.
A friend went in to his garden, dug a hole in the grass and filled it with water. I think he meant well.
What's yellow and always points to the north? A magnetic banana.
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
What do you call a pianist who throws trash everywhere?
Litterachi.
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
What is a chillin' banana's favorite song?
Mellow Yellow!
Do you know what would happen when you throw a Finnish sailor into the ocean?
Helsinki.
There was this bald guy at the bus
He seemed really lightheaded
When she spotted fake ramen in her soup, she said, “ This soup has impasta in it.”
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
I've been thinking of U periodically.
How do pigs greet their family and friends?
With hogs and kisses.
A friend of mine asked me to go hunting up in a dangerous mountain range.
I didn't bother because i thought the steaks were too high
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice burg-ers.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
Why don’t elephants use computers?
Because they’re afraid of the mouse.
Would they get two minutes for tripping?
Not if they spliff the defence.
My doctor says I should get my ears cleaned every 12 months.
I think he means ear-ly.
What is a car’s favourite colour?
Racing car green.
What do you call a small scoop of ice-cream? A uni-cone.
Sorry, I'm octopied.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
What dinner dish does a developing neuron use?
A neural plate.
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
What do you call a cloud that looks like a mermaid?
Aerial.
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