Did you hear about the butcher who got into danger? His life was at steak!
What’s a pig’s favorite color? Ma-hog-any.
How did Salvador Dali like to start his mornings? With a bowl of Surreal and milk.
I went to a theater performance done on a bunch of dictionaries the other day...
It was a play on words.
How many limbs does an alligator have?
It all depends on what he ate for lunch, dinner and breakfast.
The zookeeper was struggling to explain why two tropical birds were stuck together.
It was toucan fusing.
An electrocuted turtle feels shell-shocked.
A priest is the best catch for a tiger as they like to prey.
My friend was telling me about how a shark attacked her while she was diving
I told her, that bites.
I used to store motivational quotes that I found online, onto the cloud, for whenever I needed some inspiration.
Unfortunately I forgot the password for my Google account.
I have no Drive.
My wife and I have the same shoes. I guess you could say we are solemates.
Ireland always leaves me wanting Moher.
These decorations are tree-mendous.
What is Halloween's favorite medicine?
Any brand of coffin cold.
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
What happened when a man practiced archery near some stationary planes? They ended up very arrow-dynamic.
Why didn’t the lobster and crab share their lunch with an octopus?
Because they are too shellfish.
All prominent werewolf movies are produced in howl-lywood.
When Dumbo’s mom was pregnant, no one would talk about it.
It was the elephant in the womb.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
I don't have a "Dad Bod"
I have a father figure.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his toe?
Mitosis!
Where does a fisherman go to get his hair cut?
The fisherman goes to a bobber shop!
When I gave the wrong answer about Austrian composers in class, my teacher said, "Are you Schubert that?"
My sister prefers taking the stairs, but I always take the elevator. I guess...
we are raised differently.
Why did a pirate leave the boat to get his forgotten cell phone? Booty calls.
What kind of turkey grows on a tree? Poultry.
My keyboard is missing a key. I lost ctrl.
I farted in an elevator, it was wrong on so many levels.
No need to light a night-light on a light night like tonight.
“My Dog has no nose. How does he smell?”
"Awful.”
Where do ghosts play golf?
On a golf corpse.
Why did the basketball player sign up for a crafting class?
He wanted to learn how to make baskets.
What’s the first thing a musician says at work?
“Would you like fries with that?”
Why did the magician have to cancel his show? Because he just washed his hare and couldn’t do a thing with it.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
If there was to be a beauty contest bringing together all the beautiful mushrooms on the face of the earth, the porta-bella mushroom would carry the day.
What do you call it when you order the same donut every day?
A do-rut!
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
The worst part about being a giraffe…
Is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you’re sinking into quicksand.
What’s a shark’s favorite movie?
The Shaw-shark Redemption.
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
Swallowing a cherry stone is not the end of the world. It’s just one of life’s little pitfalls.
How did the hotdog ask the ketchup out?
He mustard up the courage.
What do you call pig shampoo?
Hogwash.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
What did the tuna say to her overzealous partner?
I think we need to scale things back here.
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.
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