What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
What kind of magazine does a rock like to read?
Rolling Stone.
What do you call Mary J Blige’s accommodating Irish cousin?
Mary O’Blige.
Crows, they just love sports, crow-quet to be precise.
What’s the best dessert to serve at a St. Patrick’s Day party?
Paddy cake!
How was the snow globe feeling after the storm?
A little shaken
Easter and April Fools fall on the same day this year...
You could say it only happens once in a blue moon.
Why are parrots so loyal? They are a man of their bird!
What did one brain say to another?
I lobe you.
When you come across a lost wolf, the first greeting should be, “how are you where-wolf”.
What does a werewolf say in church?
Howleluia!
I painted a picture of my cat’s feet today.
You could say it was a paw-trait.
Two candies had a beautiful wedding. They were truly mint to be
What is a flamingo's favorite thing to do at the weekend? Play fla-bingo.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
Why didn’t the koala bear get the job? He was underkoalafied. How did he fix this? By going back to koalage.
Do truckers prefer houses with long-haul ways?
What do you call it when worms take over the world? Global Worming.
Two racquets started dating. Unfortunately, one was stringing the other along without any intention of tying the knot.
The truck load of tortoise that crushed caused a turtle disaster.
How do you save a drowning otter? Take your foot of its head
Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history
Is that Genealogy or Geology?
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
Have you heard about the restaurant that caters exclusively to dolphins?
It only has one customer, but at least it serves a porpoise.
What does a trumpet and a baseball have in common? People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
Why did the chicken stop in the middle of the road?
Because it wanted to lay it on the line.
When shouldn't you believe a word your cheese is saying? When it's too Gouda to be true.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
Some people prefer milk after it has churned. I guess they find it butter that way.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over? Doughnuts!
How long did Cain hate his brother?
As long as he was Abel.
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
You know, people say they pick their nose,
but I feel like I just was born with mine.
What happened to the pirate who lost his peg leg?
He couldn't find it, so he was stumped.
What do llamas always say after yoga class?
“Llamaste.”
Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.
A lemon says to an orange, “What are you up to?”
The orange replies, “Not much. Just hanging ‘round.”
What did the pigeon say after being struck by lightning?
Not coo.
Q. What do gorillas and big apes do to make each other laugh?
A. They tell punny jokes about humans!
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
My dad was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
I have an uncle, once removed.
I’ve always followed in my father’s footsteps until today.
He turned around and said, “STOP!”
Watson: Sherlock, what type of rock is this amazing specimen?
Holmes: It’s sedimentary, my dear Watson.
I applied for a job as an Instructor at a Scuba Diving center. The interviewer wanted to know if I can work well under pressure.
Why did the bunny build herself a new house? She was fed up with the hole thing!
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
What's more amazing than a talking bat? A spelling bee!
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