Why did the person throw their computer cabinet in the air?
They wanted to store it in the cloud.
A bunch of crows ganged up and killed a chicken.
It was a murder most fowl.
How long did Cain hate his brother?
As long as he was Abel.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
Flamingos can be a bit of a daring bunch. In fact, they always fly by the seat of their pants.
What did the mermaid wear to math class?
An algae-bra.
When the defender was put in the box for spearing Jaromir Jagr, he
complained "but it was only a poke-Czech!"
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? Chicken Caesar Salad
Why was the cow always exercising? To build up its moo-scles
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite video game, well it's definitely 'Super Princess Peach'.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
Why did the horse climb Everest?
She liked mount-ains.
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
There’s a hair in my wine. The grapes must have been fur-mented.
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen Pregnant? He forgot to wrap his whopper!
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
If you really want to get a date at a restaurant, it’s always nice to cut to the cheese.
What did the deer say when her crush told her a joke?
“You are doe funny!”
The snow leopard appeared just at the time our guide predicted it. It appeared white on time!
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
What did the jack-o-lantern say to the psychologist? I'm hollow inside.
The ocean doesn't like to say hello, it just waves.
Wondering what crows prefer with soup, crows like crowtons in their soup.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
How many lips does a flower have?
Tulips.
There’s a big difference between yoga and pie-lattes.
What do teenage deer do at slumber parties?
Truth or deer.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
Q. What did they serve with nacho cheese at stag parties?
A. Deer-itos.
What did the corn say when it was being followed?
“I’m being stalked!”
What do you call a owl dance party that only plays folk music?
A hootenanny.
Did you hear about the soldier who got struck by lightning?
He had to be honorably discharged.
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
People often stare at my back-alley cosmetic surgery to remove half of my brain...
I have half a mind to tell them where to go.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
What do ghosts drink on St Patricks Day?
BOOs.
I'm surprised you all aren't talking more about that drug with the side effect of making scalps wrinkled.
I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.
Seven slick slimey snakes slowly sliding southward.
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
What do you get when you cross a banker with a fish?
A loan shark
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
I'm the life of the paddy.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
Who babysits young Bigfoots?
Sasq-watcher.
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