My Dad told me why Busch is the only brand of beer he ever drinks.
"It's the only beer that says it's name when you open it."
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes.
Now I have Heinzsight.
What do you get when you cross an orange with a parrot? A carrot.
Irish cuisine is stew-pendous.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
What's more impressive than a talking fish?
A spelling bee.
What’s a skeletons favorite wrestling event?
A rib cage match.
What cheese do you use to get a bear out of a tree?
Camembert.
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
How does the weather tie its shoes? Witha rainbow!
I was gonna make a joke about Mediterranean food...
But hummus have missed the mark, and now I falafel.
I do not like lotion at all.
It really gets under my skin.
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Why did the banana go to the hostpital? Because it wasnt peeling very well
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
It's a buccaneer
I used to hate tennis, but ever since I’ve started winning 6-0, I love it now.
What do they call the fairy in the Mexican version of Peter Pan?
Taco Bell.
I “lub” you.
A man fell into a vat of varnish and died
He had a terrible end but a lovely finish.
What do you get if you cross a frog and a dog?
A croaker spaniel.
What sound does it make when an ogre eats a witch for breakfast?
Snap cackle n' pop
Q. Whay aren't gorillas afraid of zombies?
A. Because the ape-ocalypse doesn't frighten them.
My colleague kept on missing deadlines, so I advised him not to bite off more than he can blue!
Knock Knock.
Who’s there? Donut. Donut who? Donut ask, it’s a secret!
In grammar you shouldn’t do double negatives.
It’s a no no.
When I was in school I got a B in biology, a C in chemistry.
And an F in Physics.
Why was the potato fired from his job at the football stadium?
He was a horrible commentater.
A Zebra said to a Lion “Let’s swap roles for a while."
The Lion said “ I’m game!”.
You'd think seeing a mermaid in real life would be terrifying, but it wasn't half as bad.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
Thank you for making our relationship sweet rather than a rocky road.
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
From up here, I Cannes see the whole French Riviera!
If you were in the jungle, and a gorilla charged you, what should you do?
Pay him.
How do astronauts like to eat their ice cream?
Floats.
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
As summer approaches, I think it’s a good idea to use two deodorants, one under each armpit.
But that’s just my two scents.
How are waiters and blockers similar? When they do a good job, they get a big fat tip.
Why did the hamburger dress up as a computer? Because he wanted to be a Big Mac.
If a goat grows a beard, is it a goatee?
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
What do fruits look for at a talent show? A berry that can really cherry a tune.
What do you call a woman with one leg?
Eileen.
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
Black background, brown background, black background, brown background, black background, brown background.
Why couldn’t the submarine commander get to the surface after joining Reddit?
He couldn’t get any up-boats
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
Go to BabaMail
