I heard some crows communicating after one of their own was injured.
They were caws for concern.
How does Toucan Sam wear a belt?
He puts it through his loops
We all sat by the fireplace listening to the basketballer’s story. At some point, I found it unbelievable. It was such a tall tale!
Seed between the lines.
What do you say when you want a kiss from a flower?
Plant one on me.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
“Santa Claus’ favorite swimming spot is the North Pool.”
What is the capital of Greece?
G.
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
That boy narrated his-story really well.
March 17 is near, and I am so excited about it. The clover it gets, the more excited I become.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
Went to church on Halloween
Turned out to be a blessing in disguise
What's the article of winter clothing most appropriate for Valentine's Day?
's mitten.
Did you hear what happened to the cheese after its breakup?
It got provolonely.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
I’d like to tell you folks a joke about paper, but It’s tearable.
If Russia attacked Turkey from behind do you think Greece would help?
"Eggs-cuse me."
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
Q: What’s a nectarine?
As he gobbled the cakes on his plate,
the greedy ape said as he ate,
the greener green grapes are,
the keener keen apes are
to gobble green grape cakes,
they're great!
What do you call it when two people make a baby in fog?
A mist conception.
A black bloke's back brake-block broke.
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
From one vegan to another – I think you’re fern-tastic, and I’ll never leaf you baby.
For years I told my daughter she was half-human and half-mermaid... but that her bottom half was human, and her top half was mermaid.
The ocean cut off all ties with the river, because the river turned out to be too shallow.
I went into a bar with a keyboard under my arm. The barman said "Oi! We don"t want your typing in here".
They say that you can spike a volleyball. But you can never take away its dig-nity.
What do you call an indoor plant?
An intro-vert
Never has there been a more romantic story than how those two geologists met.
It was lava at first sight.
These thousand tricky tongue twisters trip thrillingly off the tongue.
Please excuse my resting beach face.
Though it sounds mean, a bad soccer team is much like an old bra. It has no cups and minimal support.
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
What do you call a dude who really likes autumn?
A fall guy!
It is a great idea to ask peaches to make your shoes. After all, they make excellent cobblers.
A guy wearing a suit and tie walks into a bar with an alligator…
He walks up to the bartender and asks, “Do you serve lawyers here?”
“Yes sir, we do,” says the bartender.
The guy smiles and says, “Great. Then I’ll have a beer, and my ‘gator will have a lawyer.”
Why are fish so smart?
They spend a lot of time in schools.
What do you call a fraternity member who likes to drink the blood of goats?
A chupacabro.
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
What holds the sun up in the sky?
Sunbeams
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
How did the skeletons make s’mores when they went camping?
They made them on the bone-fire.
There are many grounds religious children can practice their soccer skills. However, most of them love the prayground.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer?
Because his wife told him to ice it!
A group of crows placed evenly between two margins is definitely a justified murder.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
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