To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark dock,
In a pestilential prison, with a life-long lock,
Awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock,
From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block!
To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark dock,
In a pestilential prison, with a life-long lock,
Awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock,
From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block!
A dull, dark dock, a life-long lock,
A short, sharp shock, a big black block!
To sit in solemn silence in a pestilential prison,
And awaiting the sensation
From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block!
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
What did four of the last five presidents drink? Left-Tea.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
What do teapots wear to a tea party? A T-shirt.
Who does May like the best?
April Showers, because April Showers brings May flowers!
Denise sees the fleece,
Denise sees the fleas.
At least Denise could sneeze
and feed and freeze the fleas
I bought a 400 year-old chair from Italy,
but as soon as I sat on it, it baroque.
They say that she only paints night scenes. Other artists really pale by comparison.
What soccer position does a pink flamingo play? Flamingoalie.
Are you a cactus?
Because you're a prick
What did the mayonnaise say when somebody opened the refrigerator? “Hey, close the door! I’m dressing!”
Why do your heart, liver and lungs all fit in your body?
Because they are well organized.
What's a frog's favorite game?
Hop-scotch (or leapfrog).
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
What is the cherry fruit's favorite American talkshow? The Cherry Springer Show of course!
What do you call an immature goat?
A silly billy.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
What did the bear say when he got a joke? He just bear-ly had a chuckle!
Don't get tide-up in sorrows, you will only cry a river.
I put some salt on my mobile. Now it’s a saxaphone.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over? Doughnuts!
Grandma runs the kitchen like a turtle-tarian; give her some space there.
I recently took a pole and found out 100% of the occupants were angry with me when their tent collapsed.
It is October and there are still leaves on trees. I am very corn-fused!
I went to the costume party as a turtle.
I had a shell of a time.
Son, your mother died. It happened when she choked on her dinner from laughing.
You could say I have a killer sense of humor.
Why wasn’t the little pumpkin allowed to swim?
There was no life gourd on duty!
What is a bunny’s motto? Don’t be mad, be hoppy!
it was my pet dragon's birthday today
We lit the candles on his cake. He was really upset when he tried to blow them out.
What did the doctor give the lollipop when he broke his leg
A candy cane.
How long do chickens work?
Around the cluck.
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse's mouth?
A mechanic.
My doctor told me to cut down on red meat.
So, could you brown it up a bit?
This pizza party is the perfect topping to a great summer.
It's nearly 6 years since US Navy SEALs took out Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan.
Talk Abbottabad place to hide.
Why have less scato when you can have mo’ scato?
What do you call a maternal Turkish robot water weasel?
An Ottoman otter-mom automaton.
Have you seen the Greek book that became a movie? You odyssey it.
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
What did the evaporating raindrop say?
I’m going to pieces.
What do France and a pigeon have in common?
Every 5 minutes, there is a coo.
How do you know if it's too hot in the chicken barn?
The chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
Why didn't the unripe strawberry got any cards and chocolates for Valentine's Day? Because it was really sour.
I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says.
Which makes me an eighth theist.
An apple and an orange signed up for a tournament. No one was really surprised when they had both were seeded.
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