A friend of mine swallowed some food colouring. He feels he dyed a little inside.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
Where did the independent cat decide to live? In Catalonia!
Leave poetry to the prose.
Five frantic frogs fled from fifty fierce fishes.
"What an egg-citing day."
What do you get when if you cross a potato and the terminator?
A termitator.
Wolves love shopping and they can literally die for. However, none of them loves the flea market for obvious reasons!
Why are bunnies always tired in April? Because they just finished a March.
"Sip, sip hooray."
Why are mountains always sleepy? Because they n-Everest.
Once you've seen one Lion eat a Giraffe...
You've seen a maul!
Which Hollywood actor can tell his car's odometer reading without looking at it?
Miles Teller
Why don't cows have any money? Because farmers milk them dry
Two fruit flies are out for dinner.
I'm really enjoy this date...”
“Yeah, but it’s only half rotten.”
Q. What did the doe say to the louse on her new baby fawn?
A. Gosh deer nit!
What do you get when you cross a human and a pear?
A pear-son.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
What does a cat wear to stop smelling? Antipurrspirant!
I always put my money in drums
Because it’s a sound investment.
What do goats eat?
Goatmeal.
When do they smother a burrito in cheese? In best queso scenario.
What holds the moon up?
Moonbeams!
Q. Why was the lady baboon so atrracted to the big gorilla?
A. 'Cause he had s*x ape-peal.
I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!" and I thought to myself...
“That’s just spam.”
You are spud-tacular.
Can’t pinch this.
Why was the museum curator so good at judging paintings and sculptures? He was talented at art official intelligence.
My friend was telling me about how a shark attacked her while she was diving
I told her, that bites.
What would a pineapple say to a pineapple pie? You have some crust.
What's faster - lightning, light, or diarrhea?
Diarrhea. Because I ran like lightning to the bathroom, turned on the light, but the diarrhea was already there.
What do you call a camel without humps?
Humphrey.
Where do they make all the decisions on a dairy farm? At the city cow-ncil.
Why did the ski instructor's love life always go downhill? The first thing the ladies noticed about him was his giant slalom.
Who’s the penguin’s favorite Aunt?
Aunt-Arctica.
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
How do penguins make a decision?
Flipper coin.
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
How does a penguin get around?
By icicle.
What do we call an airplane that cannot take off? It is called an error plane.
Last winter was so cold, I couldn’t stop telling my wife how much I glove her.
Cows that travel alone?
Never herd of them!
Your sweater must be made out of wife material.
What happened after the conifer fell in love at the orchard? A pineapple tree.
What do we get when we cross a Christmas tree with an apple? We will have a pine – apple!
Why did the pig get fired? Insu-boar-dination.
One more thyme.
After the guy broke his arm skiing, he realized it was all downhill from there.
On Valentine's Day, the peach said to his wife, "You will always have a peach of my heart!"
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