What happened when the artist tried to draw a cube? He suffered from a mental block.
How do French skeletons say hello?
- Bone-jour!
What steps do you take when you see a tiger running towards you? Big ones!
Why did Bill's friend get covered in beer?
Because William Shakes Beer.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
Why are spiders such great volleyball players? Because they have an amazing topspin.
What do troll mathematicians like to solve?
Parabolems?
The female janitor at my office asked me if I would like to smoke some weed with her.
I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women.
Due to social distancing, I had a conversation with a spider today,
Seems nice, he’s a web designer.
What did the structural engineer say to the architect? Nice buttress.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
What’s black and white and red all over?
A sunburned panda.
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
What’s the best way to settle church disputes?
With canons.
What is the first time that a volleyball match was talked about in the Bible? When Joseph served in the Pharaoh’s court.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Where do you find giant snails?
At the end of a giant’s finger.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
What is an unlimited phone plan? A limit cannot be charged.
What do turtles do when one of them has a birthday?
They have a shell-ebration.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
I know a family of artists but I am not sure how they make so much money...
Very sketchy people.
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
I recently opened a building with an exhibition of dermatological skin cases.
It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
What do you call an Irish gem that’s a fake?
A sham rock.
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
I can sea clearly now.
What to spiders eat in Paris?
French flies.
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, know what I have in common with this new powder? 8 inches.
What do you call a mosquito with a turbo?
A bug-hati.
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
What should you do if you can't afford a fancy trumpet?
Buy a frugelhorn
Why did the two Irish men fight amongst themselves?
They can’t find any other worthy opponents.
What is a mosquitos worst fear?
The S.W.A.T Team.
My birch of a wife just told me she wants a divorce. Says she’s tired of all of my tree puns.
How do you cut the sea in half? With a see saw!
A plumber and his coworkers finally fixed his own sink after years of not having access to tap water. He started crying, and his coworkers asked why.
He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"
When I drink, I always end up with rosy cheeks,
I wake up in the flower bed at the end of my garden the next day.
Where do you imprison a naughty skeleton?
A rib cage.
The wind had such a great time. You could say it had a blast.
You can't ever get the attention of a vampire on Halloween. They're way too busy looking for their necks victim.
I heard Frozen University is banning anyone who got the COVID vaccine from returning for the spring quarter
I guess if you get vaccinated you won’t be headed to the ICU.
Plain popcorn? You can do butter than that.
Do you know what firemen often add to their soup? – They add firecrackers.
What is the opposite of Chocolate? Chocoearly.
I am a peach, and when my husband accompanies me, we are a pear.
What do you call a low-quality Russian composer, pianist, and conductor of the late Romantic period?
Knockmaninoff.
What do you call an elephant that never washes?
A smelly-phant.
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