Emo bunnies just do not carrot all.
Which dinosaurs were the best policemen? Tricera-cops.
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
Why Was The Teacher Annoyed With The Duck?
Because he wouldn't quit quackin' jokes!
In the eyes of the lawn.
How do you reply to an email about someone freaking out at the Los Angeles International Airport?
Re:LAX
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
If your boat turns upside down in the river, you can wear it on your head because it's capsized.
These sea monster jokes are so funny.
They had me kraken!
You should dress up warm in the Andes. That place is Chile.
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
“Elves are always defending the shape of their ears. They make some good points.”
Wanna know why I like to do yard work?
It really takes the hedge off!
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
Why do bee keepers have beautiful eyes?
Because they hold bees. (Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder)
Why don’t Satanic boats ever sink?
Because they’re Unholy.
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
How did the pine propose to the apple? With a pineapple ring.
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
Engineers like to Solve Problems but...
If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own.
What do you call a small scoop of ice-cream? A uni-cone.
You met all of my koala-fications
I was recently fired from my job operating rides at the carnival
My lawyer has advised suing for funfair dismissal.
I know birthdays get worse as you get older. But look at the bright side — not too many left now.
What is black, purple, blue, yellow and white? Sugilite, sardonyx and opal all fighting over a gumball.
The ghost was told off when he spook out of turn.
Did you hear about the 2 apes that kept fighting with each other?
It was gorilla warfare.
Historians have discovered a new Greek God who didn’t excel at anything.
His name was mediocretese.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
My friend built an aromatherapy vaporiser with a built-in brain scanner
Seems a bit out there, but makes scents when you think about it.
Why did you fall in love with the Paris art museum? It was just Louvre at first site.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books; turns out she’d red them all.
What did the snowman eat?
Icebergs with chilli sauce.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
What do you call a musical lime?
John Lemon.
Why didn't the kids eat their soup? Because they're stew peed.
What is the only American State that has ever been married?
Mrs. Ippi.
What animal has more lives than a cat? A frog … because he croaks every night!
Why is milk taller than you?
Because it's always pasteurize
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
Why did you find a stoned able Sherlock Holmes applying ketchup to your front yard ??
Because he's a high-functioning sauce-your-path.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
What is an elf’s favorite kind of birthday cake?
Shortcake!
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
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