What do you call a benzene ring where the iron atoms replacing all of the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
What do you call a cat that works at a printing shop?
A copy cat.
Did you hear about the red ship that collided with the blue ship?
All the sailors were marooned.
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
What does a flower say when they’re surprised?
What in carnation!
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two...
What do alligators and Windows have in common?
Neither of them has enough bytes!
I joined a support group for former computer hackers.
Anonymous Anonymous.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
Why did you fall in love with the Paris art museum? It was just Louvre at first site.
I cut down a tree in my yard, but I don't know what to do next.
I'm stumped!
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid on the planet?
It's pasteurized before you see it.
A group of crows drooling over a pastry is called a-tempted murder.
What do you call a Mexican bear with a rubber toe?
Robearto.
Why are geologists no fun at parties?
They like to be stone-cold sober.
What did the player on the Bumblebee basketball team say after making a foul shot?
Hive Scored!
What's black, white, purple, yellow and blue? Sugilite, opal, and sardonyx fighting over a gumball.
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, "Let me give you a bit of advice. You can't make an omelette..."
"Without breaking eggs?" I finished for him.
"No. You can't make an omelette," he said, as he scraped it into the bin.
Why are sponges such good listeners?
Because they soak up everything.
What do cats eat on hot days?
Mice cream.
I've recently started up a band called "Mum's The Word."
If anyone asks, you've not seen us.
Why did the lemon like the orange? He’s not from concentrate.
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
Dogs can’t operate an MRI machine… but catscan.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
Why is a baby showing the top of its head during labor a significant event?
Because that’s the baby’s crowning achievement.
What did the pizza say to the delivery guy?
“You don’t pepper-own me.”
…and what did the delivery guy say in reply?
“Hey now, don’t get saucy.”
Please don’t joke about my eyeballs.
It’s a sensitive area.
What did Archimedes's girlfriend told him when he hadn't taken bath for several days?
Eu-reek-a
What did one raindrop say to the other? Two's company, three's a cloud.
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
Sinks cannot open doors
Let that sink in.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
What do you call a mosquito with a turbo?
A bug-hati.
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
Why is it so hard for people with asthma to have exciting dates?
The last thing you want is someone to take your breath away!
Green vegetables absolutely love going on camps as a group. Their favorite is the Brussels Scouts.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
If your team loses the Souper Bowl, then be prepared for a lot of boouillons from your fans.
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
If practice makes perfect and perfect needs practice, I’m perfectly practiced and practically perfect.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
“I love you from head to mistletoe.”
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
What do you call a rubber bumper on a yacht?
A shark absorber.
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