What does someone mean by a light year? The same as a regular year, but with less calories and fat.
Why don’t kangaroos make good sailors?
Because they’re always jumping ship.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
If you put your ear up to a Taco Shell
You can hear the Sí.
What ingredient is essential when baking a Star Wars cake?
Bicarbonate of Yoda
How do you know if you're a bad gardener?
All the rocks in your garden went belly up!
"Love the wine you're with."
My favorite denim blue jeans just turned brown. I think I will have to call it Dung-arees!
What did the sea say to the penguin?
Nothing, it just waved.
How do you know when a joke becomes a dad joke?
It'll become apparent.
What's the Difference Between Mechanical & Civil Engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons, civil engineers build targets.
Lately my wife has been looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat....
And it wouldn't bother me, if she wasn't a vegan.
Why did the man lose his job in a fruit packing firm? He kept throwing the bent bananas away.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
Who’s a llama’s favorite pop singer?
Llama Del Ray.
Unfortunately, the jumper cables are getting a divorce. They just had no spark.
What do you call a skeleton with no friends?
Bonely.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
What martial art do monkeys practice?
Flung Poo.
A spider, a snake, and a kangaroo walk into a bar…
It’s a normal day in Australia.
I wonder...
How much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
What does a pizza wear to smell good?
Calzogne.
I don't know don't about your faucet, but mine is doing a pour job.
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
What do butchers say after they meet someone new? “Mince to meat you.”
What Beatles song charted highest in Italy?
Penne Lane.
Why did Eve want to leave the garden of Eden and move to New York ? She fell for the Big Apple !
I got into a fight with a snail. It was a real slug-fest.
Q. How do you start a letter written to Sears Roebuck?
A. Deer Sirs..
What is a con artist's truck towed with?
A pickup line
What did the pickle say when he was told he was going in to a salad?
I relish the thought.
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
Where do most koala movie stars live? In Koalawood, Koalafornia, of course!
What does a zombie say as he squishes your brains between his fingers?
Got your knows.
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
What did the boss say to his pizza during their meeting?
There’s mushroom for improvement.
Dogs can’t operate an MRI machine… but catscan.
You cannot strike it, if you don’t try it.
Did you hear about the shoe factory that exploded?
Many soles were lost.
Fir sure.
The young woman decided to become a professional baker. She realized that it could help her earn her bread and butter.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
How many berries could a bare berry carry,
if a bare berry could carry berries?
Well they can't carry berries
(which could make you very wary)
but a bare berry carried is more scary!
Librarians don't like drinking white wine. They prefer the well red ones!
Irish I had another Guinness to drink.
What did the tornado say to the sports car?
Let's go for a spin!
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